I love being a stay at home mom. Really, I do, but the truth is: I get really sick of playing.
Sometimes, I sigh
inwardly when my little guy looks up at me with his big, beautiful eyes and says “MAMA play (with) YOU??!!!!!”. Sometimes I want to yell “no more playing!” and go hide somewhere with a good book. On my own, I would never choose to play trains, trucks, catch, or any of the mystery games my son comes up with. I don’t have a secret passion for parading around the living room pretending the broom handle is a leaf blower.
None of these things are particularly enjoyable on their own. (especially not trains. I really, really hate playing trains.)
I do them because playing is one of the best ways I can communicate love to my son.
I may not love the games we play in and of themselves, but what I do love is watching my boy giggle. I love watching the way his face lights up when I play with him, and the joy that togetherness brings to both of our hearts.
I don’t love playing. Sometimes I get downright sick of it, and feel like I will go crazy if I have to build one more train track. The “cute” little rhyming songs and books get nauseating after a few dozen times. It can all be so tiring. It wears me down after awhile. The train tracks are baffling, the songs are not as witty the fifteenhundredth time as they were the first. The puzzles are no longer interesting, now that we’ve done them a hundred times.
It can be so hard to continuously (And joyfully) give our hearts and time to our children in this way. It’s not always something that comes naturally. (at least not to me)
Since it is hard for me to find joy in playing all. the. time. I’ve decided this year, to really focus on intentionally giving my time to my children in this way. Which means playing trains without checking my phone or watching a tv show in the background. It means reading curious George for the 11th time in a row with the same vigor as I did the first 10 times. It means taking the opportunities to love on my babies in ways that they can understand, even when those are not the ways I would prefer.
It means giving them my time; even when I’m absolutely sick of playing.
I’m not great at this. My attitude still needs to improve a lot. Talking about where I want to improve is much easier than living it out in my everyday life. But it does help to acknowledge it. To say to myself “I don’t like playing this…but I love my little boy more than I hate playing trains”.
And so..I attempt to build another train track, while singing a song about a tractor, and I watch his smile light up the room.
Exhausting. but worth every minute.
Looking for more in this series? click the “the series” button in the menu above to find out what the series is all about and see links to all 22 (and counting) of the confessions!
***Disclaimer*** I am not saying that kids need to be played with every moment of the day. There is great value in kiddos learning to entertain themselves, and use their own creativity to find new games to play. The last thing I want this post to do is make any mama feel guilty. You know the best balance of playtime and alone time for your family… I just hope this post encourages you in the times when it IS playtime, but you are tired of it <3