Two of my closest friends are getting married this year. One will be wed in just a few days and the other this summer. I am so thrilled for each of them as they begin this new stage of life. In all the excitement of the upcoming weddings I have been reflecting a lot on my 4 years (and counting) of marriage as I try to decide just what advice / words of wisdom I could offer them before their big days.
There are the obvious ones:
- “don’t take your spouse for granted”
- “don’t go to bed angry” (or do go to bed angry, depending on who you ask!)
- “don’t talk bad about your husband”
- “be honest with each other”
…
I could go on and on. These are all good and useful tips, but from a newlywed’s perspective, they seem unnecesary. A new bride doesn’t think she will ever take her hubby for granted. Newlyweds often scoff at the idea of going to bed angry because they feel they will never really be angry at each other. So, I know that many words of advice will be long forgotten by the time their wisdom is needed. So what advice could be offered? There is so much that I have learned over the past 4 years, and I’m still learning!
I know most of my husbands likes/dislikes. I know how to make him feel appreciated and loved. I’ve learned what his pet peeves are and how to avoid them. I have figured out the best times to talk about certain issues and when I should just keep things to myself. I could spend hours with each of these girls, telling them all the things that I’ve learned and giving all sorts of sage advice, but I don’t think it would be helpful for either of them to hear me rattle off all the little things I’ve learned thus far in my marriage.
So what is my advice to the brides-to-be?
Never stop learning.
Each marriage is unique and beautiful in it’s own way. Never stop trying to figure him out. Always be searching for new ways to show your spouse how much you love him, appreciate him and care for him.
Don’t ever stop working on your marriage. No matter how good things may get, or how bad things may seem, just keep working at it. Always try to make it better than it is right now.
Keep loving your hubby and keep trusting Jesus. He’s the one that brought you together and He will see you through whatever life may bring you both.
All the words of wisdom I could give, really boils down to that. Never stop learning and growing together. No one ever knows what they are really getting in to when they say “I do”. Couples always some how feels like their love and relationship is unique and perfect, and they will never face any of the problems that old married couples try to warn them about, but I think that’s okay. It’s fun to figure it out together. To learn more about your spouse as you learn more about life and love and marriage itself.
Marriage is a joy. It’s not an easy thing, but in that lies the beauty of it.
Enjoy the journey, and never stop learning!
My love to you both (And your soon to be hubbys!). And to all the brides to be that may be reading this.
What one piece of advice would you give a new bride?
photo credit: Studio one and Beautiful in His Time
Paula that was lovely and helpful advice. It is a wonderful advice for a bride to be, and maybe one they will actually hear.
That’s a great piece of advice for new brides!!! Let’s see… My one piece would be learn to compromise. Even for newly married couples, she might want to paint the bedroom red and him blue. Short of doing both and going for an Americana look… haha., you have to compromise. Give in sometimes, but NOT all the time. Especially on the silly things. Those little silly things, like wall color, add up!
Great advice. My one piece of advice to newly weds would be always say I love you before you hang up the phone, leave for work, or go to bed. You never truly understand how important those three little words are until you don’t hear them anymore.
That is great advice! I very much second that. My one piece of advice would probably be something I read in a book: marriage is NOT 50/50, with two people doing half the work – instead it’s 100/100, two people putting forth all of their best efforts and never giving up, even during the rough times. :)
What great words of advice! I completely agree. I don’t have much advice to give, I haven’t been married even a year quite yet :) but we are always learning and growing and I definitely think that’s important.
It really is a process, isn’t it? I’m always amazed at how complex and dynamic people are, because even after 7 years of marriage, my husband still can surprise me with a preference I didn’t know about or a memory I’ve never heard before. It’s a refining process, for sure!
Wow — everyone is giving some great advice! Mine would be this — “always enjoy one another.” Life gets busy, and it’s so easy to forget to just take the time to enjoy our husbands. I’ve been reminded to do so more times than I can count lately, and we’ve only been married eight years!
That is great advice…we often hear about couples who “just grew apart” or who “have nothing in common” and I really think it’s because they stopped learning about each other. There’s a quote from Paul Tripp’s book What Did You Expect? that I am reminded of here: “Your marriage may be good, but it is never safe”.
This is critical for every couple, but it can be especially overwhelming to know where to start with a Bride. I have been married 10 years and I just wish that I could inject newlyweds with all of the experience and learning that I’ve had. Being a lifelong learner and teachable is a critical component to a solid marriage! I started a weekly link-up party on Thursdays, and I would love to share this post and/or any others that you would like to share. Hope to see you there! allthingswithpurpose.com
Ummm….thinking… ;)
I would say if you start to become resentful over something, think of all the wonderful things your husband does right before you go down that road. It’ll change your thinking in a heartbeat. :)
Congrats to both of your friends.
I’m visiting today from Thumping Thursdays.
Great advice. I’d add — read one marriage book and attend one marriage conference a year. Which goes right along with your advice — never stop learning :)
So true. It’s decision to get married and it’s not something that can be thrown away easily. (I wonder how celebrities do that?) It’s about commitment and everything else go with it. It’s package deal. And yes, never stop learning, embrace change and do it together.
Great advice – enjoy the journey and never stop learning! With 30 years of marriage behind us and still going, I would add another piece of advice – learn the meaning of deeper communication, not just communicating on the surface! Really learn to dig for the true meaning in your communications! Don’t get stuck at the top layer of communicating.
Stop along the way and smell the roses – together! :-)
My advice would be to really listen and consider the marriage advice you’re given. lol Dating couples think they’ve got it figured out and are gonna live on love. I think if they truly hashed out some of the advice before they were married they’d be better prepared.
Hi Paula, this in very nice! I even remember my wedding 1.75 years ago when people close to me gives me advice about marriage! It came back like a flashback… :) One piece of advice to give a new bride: love your husband as you love Christ… Treasure God’s perfect gift to you. :D Thanks for linking up!
LOVE. THIS. POST. I think you’re right on target; I wasn’t concerned about any of those things. But to “never stop learning” is such fantastic advice and will make the marriage last forever. My parents have a book where they challenge the couple to go back to “school”. Their spouse is the major and subjects are things like sex, communication,etc…if we all majored in our marriage how much greater would that relationship be? Thanks for sharing and for linking up with HWC!
Paula that is a brilliant piece of advice! We all change (and that’s a good thing because if you’re staying the same too long you’re not growing and every living thing should grow). Ten years later I’m still learning so much about my husband and myself. Thank God I have a heart to learn (because I need it :)).
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I have a blog based on the same information you discuss and would really like to have
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