Two of my closest friends are getting married this year. One will be wed in just a few days and the other this summer. I am so thrilled for each of them as they begin this new stage of life. In all the excitement of the upcoming weddings I have been reflecting a lot on my 4 years (and counting) of marriage as I try to decide just what advice / words of wisdom I could offer them before their big days.
There are the obvious ones:
- “don’t take your spouse for granted”
- “don’t go to bed angry” (or do go to bed angry, depending on who you ask!)
- “don’t talk bad about your husband”
- “be honest with each other”
I could go on and on. These are all good and useful tips, but from a newlywed’s perspective, they seem unnecesary. A new bride doesn’t think she will ever take her hubby for granted. Newlyweds often scoff at the idea of going to bed angry because they feel they will never really be angry at each other. So, I know that many words of advice will be long forgotten by the time their wisdom is needed. So what advice could be offered? There is so much that I have learned over the past 4 years, and I’m still learning!
I know most of my husbands likes/dislikes. I know how to make him feel appreciated and loved. I’ve learned what his pet peeves are and how to avoid them. I have figured out the best times to talk about certain issues and when I should just keep things to myself. I could spend hours with each of these girls, telling them all the things that I’ve learned and giving all sorts of sage advice, but I don’t think it would be helpful for either of them to hear me rattle off all the little things I’ve learned thus far in my marriage.
So what is my advice to the brides-to-be?
Never stop learning.
Each marriage is unique and beautiful in it’s own way. Never stop trying to figure him out. Always be searching for new ways to show your spouse how much you love him, appreciate him and care for him.
Don’t ever stop working on your marriage. No matter how good things may get, or how bad things may seem, just keep working at it. Always try to make it better than it is right now.
Keep loving your hubby and keep trusting Jesus. He’s the one that brought you together and He will see you through whatever life may bring you both.
All the words of wisdom I could give, really boils down to that. Never stop learning and growing together. No one ever knows what they are really getting in to when they say “I do”. Couples always some how feels like their love and relationship is unique and perfect, and they will never face any of the problems that old married couples try to warn them about, but I think that’s okay. It’s fun to figure it out together. To learn more about your spouse as you learn more about life and love and marriage itself.
Marriage is a joy. It’s not an easy thing, but in that lies the beauty of it.
Enjoy the journey, and never stop learning!
My love to you both (And your soon to be hubbys!). And to all the brides to be that may be reading this.
What one piece of advice would you give a new bride?