Dear Paula,
Right now your baby boy is just a few days old. You feel terrified and inadequate to be his mother. This is not what you expected. You thought it would come naturally; you thought people would say what an incredible job you are doing as a mother. But instead, you feel alone.
Sometimes he cries and you don’t know why. He wails as he stares up at you with his big beautiful eyes, he expects you to know how to help him but you feel powerless. I know that you are confused and afraid. I know that you worry that you won’t have what it takes to raise this baby boy and be what he needs in a mother.
I know all the insecurities and fears that have arisen as you look back on your own life. You want better for your son than what you had but you worry that you won’t be able to give him things that you never knew yourself. I know it just hurts right now and sometimes when he cries – you cry too.
But sweet new mama let me tell you; you can do this. Your baby is so fresh and new and you are too. You are just embarking on this grand adventure called motherhood. This right here, is the hardest part and you are doing it well. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are doing great. To him, you are the best mama in the world. You are his whole world right now. It’s hard and wonderful at the same time.
I won’t tell you to enjoy every minute; I know how impossible that is. I just ask you to look at his little face, kiss his little nose and hold him close. You cry as you rock him and that’s fine. He won’t know the difference but he will know that you love him. He will grow up to be one of the happiest kids you’ve ever seen. He will bring joy to your life and he will bring chaos. He will teach you about life, love, family and faith. You will learn to laugh and cry more than ever before. You will learn what it means to love another person more deeply than you ever thought possible.
The path ahead is not an easy one. But as I sit here today writing to you, I’m just 2 years down the road but let me tell you, it was all worth it. Every sleepless night. Every stress. Every fear. all the tears and pain. God uses it all and weaves it into a beautiful life. You won’t have everything you ever wanted. You will have much more and much less. But it will be wonderful.
One more thing: Please stop trying to be perfect. I know that you just want the world for your son, believe me, I understand that and I still want the world for him – but you can’t be perfect. Neither can I. We’re all imperfect moms doing the best we can. Some day you will learn to stop focusing on perfection and realize it is enough to just love him in every way that you know how. That is the day you will find complete joy in motherhood. You will realize that you are doing enough. That you are enough. You will know that kids don’t need perfection, they need love and they need to be taught about the only One that is truly perfect.
I know it is terrifying right now. I remember those feelings all too well. My heart hurts for you, but I know something you don’t. It does get better. Actually, it gets wonderful.
Hang in there mama, You are doing just fine
Love,
Paula (2 years later)
This letter is also being published in the Young Parent Anthology book being compiled by Proud to Parent. The book will be given out at the annual Young Parent’s Conference held in Boston this Summer. It is such an honor to be a part of the book and what Natasha and all the other wonderful people at Proud to parent are doing! Praying many young parents are reached and encouraged, not only by this post as well as the entire book and conference!
I just completed a survey for our local hospital, and when asked what services I think our area needs, I answered: parenting classes!
That need to do everything perfectly hits many of us. Not a single one of us will ever find perfection, and we beat ourselves up in the attempt.
Good words.
thanks Amy!
This is beautiful, Paula, and I’m so glad it’s being published so many more new moms can be encouraged by your wise thoughts! It has been such a privilege to watch our boys grow up together and to have you as a friend through all the crazy wonderfulness (and (not so?) wonderful craziness). Looking forward to many more years parenting side-by-side and reading your Dear Paula letter when the boys turn 5 (and 10, and 20… scary thought that those birthdays are!) I love you, sweet friend!
Thanks Sarah! Yeah those birthdays are a scary thought! I’m still trying to get used to the idea of “2 and a half”
it’s going by so fast!
Congratulations, Paula! The letter is a treasure, and how wonderful to have it be published!
thanks Erica!
Wow. This is so good. I’m just three months away from embarking on this journey and I already get scared of how am I going to do this sometimes. This was encouraging and I am definitly going to remember these words! :)
So glad it encouraged you Ally! You will be a fantastic mama <3
Absolutely beautiful words!
Don’t you wish someone had said these things to you two years ago? Maybe they did? But the beauty of your words now is how they give to others now. Parenting is the hardest job…we need to encourage each other. My boys are in their teens now and we face different issues, but I still need to hear from other moms who have been there. Bless you for being that, Paula.
Great advice! I have 5 and bringing each one home was tough! You’re right. It does get better. I was so much more sane when I let things go! :)
oh, mama. how i get this. how i lived this. i felt so. alone. and so under qualified. how much i loved him only fueled how much i didn’t feel like i was the right one for the job. Great job at getting through that hard time, remember it in future hard times…and congratulations on being a part of the publication! that’s great!
You hit the nail on the head! It is so hard being a new mom and not knowing what you are doing. Even if you are well versed in children having one of your own is a completely different story.
Such a sweet letter… How neat would it be if we could actually send it, right? :) I pray it in some way eases the shock and fright of being a new mommy who receives the book. How exciting is that?! You go girl!
Huge hugs.
Thanks Falen!
Yes on stop trying to be perfect. There’s no such thing as a perfect mom.
Stopping by from the #ThumpingThursdays #BlogHop!
So beautiful! I loved every word.Congratulations on being part of the book…it will be a treasure for any young parent, I’m sure.
Thanks Rachel!
Awww, I am a long time mommy, my baby is 22, the oldest 29. Please know the very best thing in the world you can do for your child is to love them and tell them how special and wonderful they are, what a blessing they have brought to your world simply by being alive. That makes you a perfect mommy in the eyes of your child and believe me, that is all we are ever judged on! Wishing you all the very best on your exciting, rewarding journey of parenthood, you are doing much better than you think!
Isabella
perfect. thank you for those words of encouragement Isabella!
Paula this was beautiful and very relavant as I have just become gramma to twins. Thanks for sharing this over at WholeHearted Home.
Thanks Judith! and congrats on your new grandbabies!
Oh Paula, this is beautifully written! When I (someday) have a baby, will you remind me of this post? I think every new mama needs to read it!
will do Amanda <3 thanks ;)