Welcome back to the Confessions of an Imperfect Mother series! I have a super fun guest post for you all today! I think that I think a lot of us can relate to this one! I’m going to let our guest-poster Mel take it from here!
As an introvert one of the biggest challenges I find about being a mum is the lack of space I have to myself.
Kids take over every part of you. Your body, your time, your headspace…
I like quiet. You don’t get that with three kids!
I like personal space. Hard to get that when you squash on the sofa with three kids, hubby and a dog!
I like to think. But there’s always a little voice wanting to tell me about the latest joke they learnt at school or a madeup story about the day they were a princess.
Now, I know all these things are blessings. Really.
But, it’s hard for me to share so much time with my family sometimes. I’m an introvert. Introverts find it draining to be with people. We recharge by being by ourselves. So sharing a house with four other people and a dog can occasionally feel like four people and a dog too many!
I’m a read a book, pootle about the house on my own listening to the radio, journal in my notebook kind of girl. I do get to do these things sometimes. But not enough. One of the biggest sacrifices I have made as a mum is to let go of the amount of me-time I get.
Yet, sometimes when I think about how I’m struggling with a lack of space to myself I start to feel bad. I can suddenly start to somehow sound selfish, complaining about how much time I get for me. I start to enter into those guilty mum thoughts…
When I start to have to resist the urge to wriggle away as my little girl wraps herself around me for the twentieth goodnight hug at bedtime.
When I realise that my eldest son has noticed that I haven’t been listening to his blow by blow summary of his favourite light sabre duels from the whole Star Wars series.
When my kids are larking around upstairs and all I long for is a bit of peace and quiet.
The thing is, I know I have responsibilities as a mum. I love my kids and the energy and life they bring to my home. I want them to always feel loved, wanted and secure.
But I can’t help the way God made me. I need to know how to take the opportunities for down time, space by myself and an opportunity to recharge if I am to be the best mum I can be for my kids.
There are times when I need to challenge myself to give to others more. To be more present for my family instead of going with my tendency to retreat into myself. To understand they have needs too rather than wishing to follow my own.
Yet, I also need to recognise the opportunities I can take to be quiet. To honour the need I have to be by myself. To have the space to reflect, be still, think and pray. To rest from meeting the needs of others.
Not selfish. Necessary.
It’s all about balance, and though having small children around means I don’t get as much space as I would like, I just need to be intentional about taking the little opportunities and moments to refresh myself to satisfy my little introverted soul.
Mel Caldicott, a full-time mum of 3 who has spent a lot of time and prayer working out how to make the Essential Thing a priority in the midst of running a home, raising her kids and having fun with her family. Her experiences of being a wife, mum and woman trying to live for God has led her through joys and heartbreaks, times of strong faith and times of doubt. Over those years she has had a growing desire to share honestly and encourage women to know God’s grace in a world where we so often hide behind masks, disguising our true worries and sorrows, hopes and dreams. You can follow her journey on her blog Essential Thing Devotions, on Facebook or on Twitter.
Aprille says
Right there with you. I think that’s my biggest struggle as a mom!
Mel Caldicott says
Good to hear I’m not alone and other people go through this too Aprille. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
buckiddo says
I definitely worry about this. I feel like I thought maybe all the other introverts just automatically become extroverts when they have kids, but that’s just as scary as being an introvert with no me time, lol. Thanks for writing this!
Mel Caldicott says
You’re welcome! It can be hard but the best thing is to seize those opportunities for me time where we can. Also, I think having kids has pushed me out of comfort zone which is probably a good thing. I’ve learnt to share more of me with others. Thanks for sharing. Blessings.
Dana says
I can definitely relate to this and the desire for the correct balance. I often find myself drifting into my own thoughts and then struggling with irritation when they are repeatedly interrupted. Some days I need more solitude than others but I also realize that, while this is truly the way I was made, I also have a job to do and must, with the Lord’s strength, focus on that and then take opportunities to recharge when they arise. It’s always reassuring to see that there are others our there dealing with the same issue and it’s not just me. I love my kids and want them to know I am present for them but it can be a struggle for sure because of my tendency towards introversion.
Mel Caldicott says
Dana – I do this too!!! Thanks so much for sharing.
One of the things you have mentioned is to take the opportunities to have that solitude. This doesn’t suit everyone but I’m a morning person and find getting up before everyone else really helps. I can start the day in quiet and feel more prepared to then be around people.
Doesn’t always work though – my youngest son is an early bird too! Blessings.
Christine @ Love, Life, Surf says
Absolutely. I can completely relate to this. It’s definitely one of my biggest struggles. When I don’t get a chance to recharge, I get irritable. I’m glad to know that I’m not the only one!
Mel Caldicott says
Yes, I used to think I was just a grumpy person until I realised that my irritability was often linked to my need for time to recharge in solitude.
I struggle loads on church holidays! I do ok until about the third day in but by then have lost the will to smile and be cheerful at breakfast!
Great to share with others who feel the same. Blessings.
Shell says
I try to find the quiet in the chaos.
Beth Cranford says
It’s important for us to know and admit that when we take that time away it makes us better people. Like you said, an introvert gets her energy by being alone. We want to be fully present, to listen to our children’s (seemingly endless sometimes) stories, to totally enjoy their presence. The only way we can do that is to pull away from time to time and sort of reset the stimulation meter.
And besides, who says they don’t maybe need a few minutes away from us to?
Great article!
Katie says
I share this struggle as well. Thanks for the post!
Delora Peters says
I am stopping by from living proverbs 31 link up. I really loved reading your post because I sometimes feel the same way. Not having time for ourselves can be draining and the norm. My blog this week states, “God Says, “Put Yourself First!” I would love to know what you think about the blog. I think our blogs can go hand in hand.
Kathy Penney @ Sparkles And A Stove says
You could have been writing so much of this post about my life. I’m not an introvert at all but I did wait until very late to have children and so I was so used to all of my time being my own and having complete freedom and so while being a mother is the best thing I’ve ever done, it is also difficult to deal with at times having nothing left for myself. I’m lucky my husband is great about that time I need to recharge my batteries which makes me a better mother and I try to do the same for him. Thanks for sharing at All Things Pretty!
Alyss says
I like your thought on this and confidence for sharing. It’s too often I think we try to push ourselves to just ignore the feeling rather than talk about it. For me this hits home because I’m a first time mom and always considered myself an extrovert but now that I have my first child (3 1/2 weeks old) I didn’t realize how much I need time to myself, too-even if normally I’ve always thought I thrive off being around people all day. Life’s all about balance.. and remember-when trying to live life through how God would want-i think one of the most common things that Jesus did throughout his time was to go off by himself to a quiet place and pray. This makes me think we were all designed to need some alone time–and this is not only perfectly normal but the way we were meant to be. … Unfortunately it still doesn’t answer the question of how to make this time by yourself… but hopefully by realizing the importance of this time we’ll be able to teach this to our children as well-maybe they need to also learn the value of balance in their lives and by us learning it we can teach this and pass this on to our children