Remember that “dear mom on the iphone” letter that went viral a year or so ago? It seems to be making it’s rounds on the internet once again, sparking much discussion, debate and even backlash as the open letters of support for the mom on the phone come out.
It’s amazing, how one little post can inspire such emotion in mothers everywhere. Some were encouraged to put down their phones and spend more time with their kids. Others were made to feel guilty for no good reason and still more were inspired to encourage other moms that we don’t have to watch every last millisecond of our children’s lives.
Incredible, that one little post can spark all of that.
I wanted to weigh in today, on this whole iphone debate and really, every other mothering debate that has gone viral online:
Dear Moms, with and without phones,
I see you over there, worrying about if your parenting skills are measuring up to those of the moms around you. Sometimes you see another mama doing something you disagree with, and you feel justified in your own worth as a mom. Other times, you see those moms who seem way more engaged with their kids than you ever could be and you feel unworthy.
Motherhood is hard, we’re all doing the best we can and we all feel like we aren’t measuring up. So my dear fellow mamas, let’s stop looking outward to measure our worth. Let’s quit looking at one another to see who is spending more time online, or blogging, or instagraming or pinning. Let’s end the worries about coming off as a better mom than the one two park benches over and start looking to our kids to see how we’re measuring up.
Do they know that they are loved? Are they learning and growing at a speed that’s right for them (even if it’s different than the speed of the child on the next park swing)? Are we loving them in the best ways that we know how? Are we making mistakes, but learning from them and teaching through them? Yeah, I’m willing to bet they are, and we are. Us moms and kids, we’re learning and growing together.
My parenting might look different than yours, but my kids are loved. So are yours.
You might catch me at a moment of weakness, or you may never see me break down in public. We all have handle our struggles differently, but let’s stop encouraging ourselves with the mistakes that we deem another to be making. We’re better than that, mamas.
The fact of the matter is, you are doing a good job. I’m doing a good job. Phones or no phones. Whatever decisions we’re making for our kids, make them out of love, and I think we’ll all end up okay.
So dear every one, can we just stop comparing? Stop judging one another? Stop trying to justify our own insecurities by shining a spotlight on another (even imaginary) mother? The truth is, most mommy wars would cease to exist if we merely stopped looking at one another to see how we’re measuring up, and started looking at our kids and seeing how wonderfully we are love them.
The thing is, our worth as mothers is not measured up against the successes and failures of another mom. Our success as a mother is measured in love, and although we may parent differently, all of our love meters are overflowing.
Love looks different in every family and in every child. But it’s what matters most.
More than a phone, or a birthing method, or what you might have for lunch that day, or where your child goes to school. Those are all important choices, but they mean nothing without love.
Let’s remember to love. And let everything else go.
Love,
Another mama (who is sometimes on her iphone, and sometimes not)
Looking for more mama-encouragement? Check out 10 things all good moms do or the things good moms DO NOT have in common.
Cara says
Love it! Thank you!
Mothering From Scratch says
{Melinda} I love the questions you ask … yes, we can’t compare to other mamas. We have to look at our own unique children and ask ourselves if we are giving them what they need. If the answer is yes, then we’re going our job — even if how we do it doesn’t look like someone else’s.
Stopping by from SITS!
Angela K says
I soooo agree with you! Another good example of application of the verse (I don’t remember the reference) “But they comparing themselves among themselves are not wise.” Every family, Mom, Dad, and kid is going to function a little bit differently and it is our job to just do the best we can by our children each day with God’s help; and understand that “The Best” is going to look different for each of us!!! And tearing eachother down never did any good for any of us!
Sheila says
What a wonderful post Paula !!! You are so right. We can’t compare ourselves to anyone. We all do our best, and that is all we can do. Our hearts are overflowing for our kids, and we do the best we can with what we have. Happy Mother’s Day sweetie.
Sheila
Lauren Tamm says
Yes, yes, yes! That post “Dear mom on the iphone” made me so mad just seeing it, I never clicked on the link. We are all doing the best we can and we are not in the Mommy Olympics here. We should all be encouraging each other not tearing each other down. Thanks for this great post.
Chelsea says
Love this post! We shouldn’t focus so much on what others think or don’t think, but instead should focus on loving our kids and doing the best job we can. We need to parent for our kids, not for the affirmation or approval of others. Thank you for your thoughts!
http://thecontentedwifeblog.blogspot.com/2014/05/when-did-motherhood-become-competitive.html
Leighann says
excellent. So true, we need to be building each other up, not tearing each other down.
Shay says
YES! This is so, so true. Love it.
Jenna // A Mama Collective says
This is so good. Thank you for speaking some truth! Love is all that matters. Love on, beautiful mama. ~Jenna
Shell says
There’s always so much more going on than what we see. It should be our goal not to judge.
Stacey says
This is probably the best post I’ve read in ages! Thank you for writing it :)
People are way too judgmental these days…all that matters is that you are happy with your parenting style, and that your children are happy and know that they are loved.
Amber says
Love this post.
I always try not to judge. I check my phone at the park, but I’m also playing with my kids. So if someone just arrives at the park and sees me on my phone, they might think, “Hey, all that lady is doing is messing with her phone!” not realizing that I’ve just spent 20 minutes chasing my kid around.
Faith says
Great post! Thanks for linking this up at the Mommy Moments Link Up! It was the top viewed link and will be featured in this coming week’s link up :) Have a great weekend!
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