My kids are not my whole world.
There. I said it. Sometimes I feel like I should be one of those moms who posts adorable cuddling pictures captioned with “my world” or #mywholeworld or something adorably sappy. But that’s not me. Yes to the pictures, no to the bit about the whole world.
My world, my identity extends beyond my kids. I love them, I’d sacrifice my life for them if need be, but they are not my entire life.
There was a time when my world revolved around them, when babies are young there’s not much a mama can do but wrap her entire existence around her infant. My babies refused bottles so all feeding was on me which meant little time for anything but baby.
Still, even as they grew, a part of me felt like my world should be my children. Like I’d be somehow doing them a disservice if I didn’t heed their every request within seconds, bending my days around their whims.
Somewhere, slowly along the way I realized that I could dream outside of “mommy”. While parenting my precious ones is something I do passionately, intentionally and with great love, it’s not all I want to be and do.
I’m building a career, I’m working to help women around the world and in my neighborhood. I endeavor to be a good friend and be there when some one calls on me. All these things are me, not an extension of my motherhood, but things I enjoy and love in, through and apart from my motherhood.
I tell my kids yes.
I laugh and cuddle with them.
But for their personal growth and for mine, I want them to know that my world does not revolve around them. That sometimes they’ll be bored, sometimes mommy has to work, and that’s just fine.
There will be days when they don’t get everything that they want. When they have to hear no, and and “hold on” a few more times than they’d prefer, because “my world” is made up of more than just them.
My kids are a part of my world… just like my husband and my job. My friends are included in my world and so are my pains, fears and dreams.
It’s okay to extend beyond parenting and be yourself too. Losing yourself in motherhood is something that we will all experience at some point or another, but I hope that we are all able to find ourselves again. To find our new selves. To love, laugh and grow with, because of and apart from our children.
Motherhood doesn’t mean sacrificing who you are, it means the chance to recreate who you are into something better.
My kids are not my whole world. And I hope they know it, for their sake and mine.
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Geri Brin says
Love what you’ve said, and how you said it. From a 68-year-old mom!
geri brin says
Loved this essay and quoted from in in my blog, which we’re promoting today in a newsletter that goes out shortly.
Here’s the link http://www.faboverfifty.com/geri/