I don’t consider myself to be a very strict mama. Consistent? Yes. But strict? Not really… I try to let my kids do lots of kid stuff. I recognize that they see the world entirely differently than I do, so sometimes that means beans for breakfast or cereal for dinner. Sometimes that means letting them spin in circles while loudly singing made up songs for 20+ minutes and other times it simply means letting them wear clothing that could not even remotely be considered a “matching” outfit. That’s just how our house works. Other people’s families do things differently, and that’s great. This is just what works for us.
But still, among all the craziness I allow my kids to do (and wear), and all the things that might make another mom cringe, that I allow, I still find myself saying no entirely too much.
photo credit Temych / dollar photo club
I’m not talking about the days when I tell my kid “no, you can’t have candy for breakfast” or “no, you may not climb on the bookshelf, that’s not safe”. Obviously, no is a word that is going to be used a lot in the home of two small toddlers. What I’m referring to is the times when my kid asks for something innocent at a slightly inconvenient time and I promptly shut them down without even thinking about it.
Like the day when we pulled into our apartment complex and my son asked for his window to be rolled down. We still had a minute or two of driving before we reached our home, and yet I immediately said “no” without even considering it. What’s so wrong about rolling his window down for two minutes? It would be a minor inconvenience to push the “down” button slightly to my left for a grand total of ten seconds now, and then ten more seconds in a few minutes when we pulled up to our house. Why did that need to be a “no”? The truth is, it didn’t.
Sometimes I catch myself, and I take back my hasty “no” and respond with a “yes” or a “sure, why not”. Sometimes I pause for the 16 seconds it requires to take a peek at the world through the lens of a 2 year old. A little guy who just wants to feel the wind on his face, and feel like a big-boy because he can reach his fingers our the window when it’s down. Sometimes I need to remember that there are a thousand good reasons that I must tell my boy “no” everyday, so I don’t need to seize the opportunity when it’s not necessary. In fact, I need to search for the chances to tell him “yes”, and give him that little bit of pleasure as he feels the wind on his face and touches the sky with his finger tips.
Sometimes I need to stop being annoyed by his constant questions, and just say “yes” whenever I can. Because we all know those chances aren’t always as prevalent as the chance to say “no”.
Here’s to looking for the chance to be a “yes” mom. and refraining from saying no “just because we can”.
Looking for more “Confessions of an Imperfect Mother“? Click the link to read all the encouraging confessions!
Kimberly says
I loved this post! I’m going to set a goal to be more of a “yes mom” myself. Thanks for reminding me about what’s important.
Paula says
Yay for the “yesses!” ;)
Bethany says
I really like this! I’m a new mom to a 9 month old, and I’m not sure which I’ll end up being yet. This is a great reminder for now and especially the months to come! Thank you, Paula!
Cynthia says
When my kids were young I created the policy that I would try to say no as little as possible. That I’d contemplate their requests and take them seriously. It has paid dividends! As my kids approached the teen years, and the requests became bigger and more difficult to navigate, I found I was still able to say yes far more than I said now. Over time their independence and common sense grew. On the few occasions I had to tell them no, and they reacted less than kindly, I was able to remind them that I rarely said no, but when I did I always had a good reason; then I’d ask them to trust my reasoning even if they didn’t understand it. I like to believe I have a solid relationship with my kids as they’re all young adults. Saying yes more often showed them I listened to their requests, cared to think about them, and responded to them as individuals. Our relationships are strong.
Paula says
That’s awesome to hear the perspective from you, since you are much farther down the road in parenting than I am! So encouraging to know how much it can affect, not just now but in the future as well! thanks for sharing Cynthia!
Chelsea says
This is so true! Right now I only say no when my son does things like pull my hair or try to play with the trash can, but I’m sure as he gets bigger I’ll need to step back and remember that he’s a kid and just wants to explore and learn!
Sara says
I need to say yes more. Thank you for writing this. I needed these words tonight.
I found you through the Weekend re-Treat Link Up! I hope you have a great weekend! Stop by and see me some time!
http://plethoraoponderings.blogspot.com/
Kristen Daukas says
Kudos to you for seeing that while they’re still little. Now that mine are 10 and over, I think back now about all the times that I said no to the silly things.. we forget that they haven’t yet been “tainted” by life and everything is fresh and beautiful. I read a post this year about a mom who gave each of her kids a “yes” day every year.. no matter what they asked for (within reason) the answer was “yes”. I think I’ll make that part of my 2014 routine! Thanks for sharing this one on LOBS.. you made me remember the “yes day” :)
Ruth @ Living Well Spending Less says
I completely understand this. I catch my self saying no about the most ridiculous things and like you, I quickly change it to a yes. For some reason, it’s such an instinct to just say no instead of taking that pause and thinking about it. It’s definitely hard to say yes more than no. I even read somewhere that you should have a day filled with yes instead of no {as long as what they are asking for is safe of course}. I think it’s a fabulous idea and I want to try it. Thanks for sharing this post, I think so many mommas will relate.
I’d love it if you linked this up over at Living Well Spending Less for Thrifty Thursday this week! http://www.livingwellspendingless.com/category/thrifty-thursday/
Emily Cook says
Great reminder. As my children get older (I now have only 2 preschoolers, of six) and I realize these days are actually not going to last forever, I am starting to say “yes” a little bit more. Yet to the inconvenient blanket tents, yes to the making cookies instead of napping, yes to the homeade naptime.
Today though, after some of those yesses, I think I’m going to say yes to taking a nap with them :)
Emily
http://www.weakandloved.com
Julie says
I smiled at the image of unmatched clothes while twirling and screaming because my toddler did just that today! I appreciate the reminder to say “yes” even more though! :)
Dionne says
Oh, I do this sometimes too much too-usually out of inconvenience. Saying yes when no isn’t needed gives me a chance to enjoy the silly, short-lived phase of a 3 and 5 year old. Thank you for reminding me today. I love how non-condemning your post is…glad to have stopped by from SDG.
Monica says
Featuring at Family Fun Friday! Love your heart!
Monica
http://www.happyandblessedhome.com