I love this post from Amy! A lot of moms (myself included) suffer from mommy-guilt at one point or another, so this is definitely one we can all learn from! Click here if you are looking for more posts in the Confessions of an Imperfect Mother series.
When my husband and I found out we were expecting our first baby, we were ecstatic and nervous about becoming new parents. Pregnancy is such a blessing and is something to be celebrated; it’s a miracle that God blessed women with a body that can grow babies!
Like many new moms-to-be, I dreamt of the perfect pregnancy, the smooth delivery of our sweet baby into this world, and a normal birth story. The thought of our baby making an early arrival hadn’t even crossed my mind.
You know the saying, “If you want to make God laugh, tell Him your plans”? Well, my “perfect pregnancy plan” flew out the window when I was unexpectedly hospitalized for preterm labor at 33 ½ weeks pregnant. It all happened so fast. I went to the hospital for mild cramping after work one day. It didn’t seem like anything serious, but I wanted to be cautious. Without saying much to my husband and me, they hooked up the magnesium sulfate and saline drip, gave me a steroid shot, and shipped us off via ambulance to the nearest NICU.
Fortunately, the contractions ceased and our baby hung in there for a little over a week longer. At 35 weeks, our little boy arrived on March 3rd. Praise God that he was a healthy but small baby, only weighing in at 4 lbs. 14.5 oz. Despite his size, the doctors were so amazed at his health that they released us two days later. Through all the chaos, God never left our side; He comforted us through the whirlwind of unknowns.
When word of Eli’s birth spread through my workplace, the comments from other people started flying. I called my boss to let her know my maternity leave was beginning and she asked how delivery went. I told her it went really well, for being childbirth and all, and she responded with, “Just wait until you have a normal-sized baby!” I was speechless; partly because that hurt and partly because I was exhausted. After I got off the phone, I was so frustrated and thought of all the clever things I should have said. Thank God, I didn’t say anything. It may feel good to get that verbal jab, but, as one of God’s daughters, that is not acceptable. Revenge belongs to the Lord, not me!
Do not take revenge, my dear friends, but leave room for God’s wrath, for it is written: “It is mine to avenge; I will repay,” says the Lord. Romans 12:19
Negative comments echoed through my head… “What caused him to come early? What are the long-term concerns? You’re lucky you didn’t have to go through the worst part of pregnancy! Your delivery was fast because he was small! Did your exercising cause the baby to come early?“ I was allowing those negative statements to steal the joy of having my wonderful baby boy and my heart felt so bitter!
Now my son is 5 months old and I’m sick of struggling with feelings of guilt for not carrying my baby to full-term and frustrations from careless comments. Satan knows that is a soft spot for me and he loves to take the joy out of life. After all, he is “the thief who comes to steal, kill, and destroy!…” (From John 10:10)
Satan isn’t allowed to steal the joy of motherhood from me anymore. Daily, I am taking these negative feelings of guilt, frustration, and bitterness to God. His Word tells us to take every thought captive and make it obedient to Christ!
We demolish arguments and every pretension that sets itself up against the knowledge of God, and we take captive every thought to make it obedient to Christ. 2 Corinthians 10:5
Through this experience, God is teaching me many lessons. In being offended by others’ comments, it revealed a pride issue. My value is in Christ; not in the opinions of others. The Bible specifically says we are not to compare ourselves to others! (Galatians 6:4-5)
He is teaching me to fill my mind with what is good, righteous, and pure (Philippians 4:8). Every morning, I stare in awe at the brown-eyed, smiling face of our little boy. I thank God every day for our little family and I want to honor God as a wife and mother. In order to do this, I need to accept God’s grace, find my value in Christ, and live life to the full. “…I have come that they may have life, and have it to the full”. John 10:10
Do you suffer from mommy-guilt? How are you working to overcome it?
My name is Amy and I am a wife and new mom my 5-month-old son. I am currently a working mom but am leaving the corporate world to become a full-time mommy in August! Four years ago, I surrendered my life to Christ and He has been changing my heart ever since. Life hasn’t been a breeze since then, but God has never left my side. Serving the Lord is my passion and He is teaching me how I need to do that daily. I am so thankful for God’s patience and His grace!
I love spending time with my family, enjoying the outdoors, running, and designing graphics. I am new to the blogging world and post weekly to my blog {Life to the Full}.
Emily @ My Love for Words says
Congratulations, Amy! Eli is aborable. I don’t know what it is about having children that seems to make other people feel like they have the right to start making comments (about everything it seems). We had our 4th in April, and I got a lot of, “You know how this happens, right?” type comments. I try not to pay too much attention to them because, like you said, they just end up stealing our joy. I try to just give them the benefit of the doubt and assume they’re trying to be conversational (albeit with feet in their mouths). Off to check out your blog now! :)
Lisa says
Isn’t it amazing how pride crops up in the most unexpected places? So glad everything went well for you and you’re focusing on God’s Truth.
Mel Caldicott says
Amy, this was so brave of you to point out how damaging we can with our careless comments and attitudes.
Parenting unfortunately makes many women competitive. The amount of women boasting that their children were in the 98th centile on their growth charts like it was some massive achievement on their part. As none of my three babies ever reached above the 9th this would often make me feel inadequate.
The thing I learnt the longer I was a mum was that every parent has their “successes” and “failures”. They may be a champion breastfeeder yet their babies may not begin to walk until they’re nearly two. They may potty train within two days but their child may have never slept through the night.
And you know what? The reason that we can be so keen to make ourselves feel better with careless comments to other mums is because we all battle with that guilt. Are we doing it right? We must have done something wrong because the perfection that we strive for as mothers is an impossible dream.
I’m so glad that you had a safe, healthy baby in the end despite the scares you had at the end of your pregnancy and I pray that you enjoy every blessing he is to you. Thanks for sharing your story.
Linked here from Soli Deo Gloria Party.
Mel from Essential Thing Devotions
Alicia@the Overflow! says
Motherhood feels like it plunges us into the spotlight where anyone can see and say what they want. So glad you have an anchor in Jesus who speaks truth and truth alone! Stopping by from SDG today. Thanks for sharing your story. Eli is beautiful and so is his mommy!
Jen Ferguson says
I am so glad you are experiencing this freedom! You did an amazing job carrying your son and for others tell you differently is just hogwash. You know the truth and that is enough.
Amy @ {Life to the Full} says
Thank you for the kind words and for taking the time to read this post, everyone! And thanks, Paula, for allowing me to guest post with you :) Love the blog!