This time last year I was starving myself. Literally.
I was battling depression and trying desperately hard not to succumb to another round of deep despair.
This time last year I was scared of everything, and trying to pretend that I strong.
This time last year I joined a Bible-study group, even though I was frightened, and began to study the Word again.
This time last year I learned that I don’t have to always be in control. And I let go.
I let go of trying to be perfect. I stopped trying so hard to not be depressed. And I started trusting.
Trusting that God was going to get me through. Trusting that if I despaired again, that He would rescue me, just like He has so many times before. Trusting that all this pain will work for His glory and my good, even when I don’t enjoy it.
This time last year and the year before that, and the year before that I struggled and fought with depression and I lost.
But this year, I’m happy. This year, I’m free.
This year, I’ve learned how to deal with things immediately, and take a few moments to work through whatever issue may be raising it’s ugly head.
I know that it’s possible that I may struggle later in the year.
As specific and difficult days arise later in the year, I may have trouble. I may be sad, I may momentarily revisit those old emotions. But that doesn’t mean I’m going back to stay there or be knocked off my feet again.
In this moment I’m thankful. Thankful for the progress that has been made. Thankful for how far God has brought me, even when sometimes it felt like He was dragging me, because I didn’t even have the strength to stand.
Thankful that my husband has been by my side as I internally battled with my past. Thankful that we’ve come through it together.
Today I’m thankful that I’m not depressed. Regardless of what tomorrow may bring, I hold on to this hope, God has faithfully brought me this far, and I know that He will be faithful to continue carrying me through whatever struggles I may face or revisit.
Today I have Hope, today I have Peace:
…”I have said these things to you, that in me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
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