I’m so happy to be introducing you to Gabrielle from MamaGab today! I love her reading her blog so I was thrilled when she offered to do a guest post for me!!! Today she’s doing a confession post about life with 3 kids. I’m especially interested in this since we only have 2! I thought it was a wonderfully honest, yet encouraging post! I hope you love it as much as I did! You can find more posts in this series “Confessions of an Imperfect Mother” by clicking on “the series” tab in the menu above.
“I don’t know how you do it with three kids,” is something I hear a lot from my friends. They usually say this as they watch me loading the boys into the double stroller, commanding my oldest to hold onto the stroller while in the parking lot, and juggling diaper bags and pot luck food while I make my way out to my minivan.
Families today often choose to stop at only one or two children. Quite frankly, it’s not for me to judge the motives or decision behind this. Other families long for more than one or two, but that decision was made for them by health or fertility issues. But many families stop at one or two because adding anymore children into the chaos is an idea that completely overwhelms them.
And I get that. Let’s be honest. Having one or two children is already pretty stinkin’ hard. Friends watch me do my juggling act with three kids, always arriving a bit late and more than a little bit frazzled, and that’s when I hear their compliments. Or sometimes I even hear their apologies: “I shouldn’t complain to you! I’ve only got two kids!”
In some ways, I’d love to keep my SuperMom cape on, letting everyone think I’ve got these amazing super powers, but instead, I’ll debunk that myth.
It’s not that hard.
With the first child, there’s a huge learning curve. You spend all of your time figuring out what to do, how to respond, when to nurse, how to cook and clean with a baby, and then they get mobile and the real fun begins.
With the second child, you realize that babies really do have different personalities, and what works for one child probably won’t work for the second. During the day, you’re completely outnumbered and it seems like there’s not enough of you to go around. Your older one needs something but you’re feeding the baby. Or the baby is cranky and the oldest gets hurt, and now you’re stuck with two screaming kiddos piled into your lap. If both of your kids are under the age of 4, it’s especially exhausting. But at some point, you hit your stride, get in the groove, and for the most part, you get really good at juggling. There are really rough seasons, but you muddle through and in time, things get easier again.
And the third baby? It’s more of the same. With one difference. Now your older two are just a tiny bit older than they were before. And every month, they get older, bigger, and more mature, more independent. In fact, they can actually help. And the best part? The best part is that they can entertain each other.
Mommy is different now too. The things that worried you with your first baby and your second baby really don’t worry you anymore. You have some confidence. Before having my third baby, I’d spent a total of 30 months breastfeeding the other two kids. I really had no worries about that. He won’t sleep through the night? Oh well, there are bigger things in the world to worry about. No desire for solid foods? No big deal. He can survive on breastmilk alone for a while longer. And that What to Expect, The First Year book? It’s sitting on my shelf, collecting dust. I don’t bother checking it for milestones. He’s happy and developing well. I know he is, because this isn’t my first rodeo. In fact, I haven’t even had time to forget about those first year milestones because I just went through it. And there are rough seasons when the house is in complete disarray, but I no longer stress too much over it. It’ll get clean again. And then it’ll get messy again. That’s the way it works.
What are the challenges of 3?
With three kids, someone nearly always has a runny nose during this time of year. It’s just life, but again, you deal with it. But when the kids are really feeling yucky, the well-oiled machine falls apart. I had a very mild tummy bug one day last week, but it put me seriously behind on housework, cooking, Bible study, laundry, and every other activity around the house.
Having three children, especially three little, little children, like mine, is more of a logistical nightmare than anything else. Mommy and daddy kind of have to do everything, since no one can bathe themselves. I’ve done road trips by myself with the three littles, and it’s kind of crazy when I have to potty, since my two oldest can’t open the heavy gas station doors for themselves and I’m trying to carry one of those big infant carseats. Every day tasks such as getting through the grocery store, unloading the car, and and putting away groceries are incredibly, ridiculously hectic.
So yes, it’s occasionally frequently crazy.
At the same time, however, I’m so used to the diapers, burp cloths, and breastfeeding stage that it’s not that big of a deal to be in it once again. And my two big kids–I use the term big in a relative sense, because they’re 4 and almost 2–are into the same things. They can build blocks together, play trains together, and dance to silly toddler songs together. They both enjoy watching Dora, Blue’s Clues, Mickey Mouse, and Little Einsteins. I don’t have a big kid to roll their eyes about having to sit through another episode of Kipper.
I remember the day I saw those two little lines on the pee stick pregnancy test. My oldest was about to turn 3 and my youngest was 10 months. This was the first time we’d been surprised by a baby. I decided then that this year with three tiny kids would be both the most fun and the most exhausting year of my life. So far, I’ve been right.
What are your thoughts on adding more kids into your already busy life? And what was the hardest adjustment for you? Going from 0-1, 1-2, 2-3, or more?
When she’s not tripping over toys or cleaning up spit-up, Gabrielle Daigle blogs about authentic motherhood, walking with God, and all things related to homemaking. She loves baking, learning from other women, and encouraging moms through serving locally in MOPS (Mothers Of Pre-Schoolers). You can follow her blog MamaGab
Carrie says
I love this post because I can totally relate!! My children are 5, 3 and 9 weeks. The adjustment to having three has been the easiest so far. However I was contemplating going shopping by myself the other day…trying to think where I would put all of the children as we walked through the store. And I just decided to wait until my husband got home so he could go with me. :-)
Gabrielle says
Thank you! I’m so glad I’m not the only one who thought it was a relatively easy transition! The store is TOUGH! I keep my baby in my baby carrier, the toddler in the seat of the shopping cart, and my 4 year old has to hold onto the shopping cart everywhere we go. And then I put on my best Michelle Duggar voice and PRAY like crazy for patience.
Erica {let why lead} says
This was such an applicable post for me, since I’m getting ready any day now to make the switch to three kids! I’ve often hoped that it might be a bit less dramatic of a change this time around, because my older two boys play so well together. I’m glad you confirmed that. Fingers crossed! No matter what, kids are a lot of work and a lot of joy, and you seem to be doing great! Thanks for the post!
Gabrielle says
Well thanks, but as you know, some days are worse than others. Some days, I’m saying “just keep swimmin’, just keep swimmin’.” :) You’re so right. They’re always so fun but exhausting. Enjoy your third. Three is grand! The best part will be watching your older two with the baby.
Kristy says
We have kids who are 7, 5, 3, and we’re expecting #4 in the fall. I think one to two was super easy–they adored each other from the start. Three was hard transition for me because I didn’t have enough hands for everyone anymore. I was so thankful for a Moby Wrap. I carried the baby almost everywhere in that thing, so I could ditch the carseat carrier and be more free for the other two. It was full of sweet moments, but it wasn’t as easy for me as the transition to two. This time I’m excited about how big my children will be. The girls will be 8 and 6 shortly after the baby comes, so I anticipate extra help this time.
Gabrielle says
Oh, that sounds wonderful. Your little helpers will be great. I’m hoping that, should the Lord provide a 4th baby, my other kids will be big enough to help out. And yes, I use my baby wearing devices a lot more with the third baby. There’s no way we could go grocery shopping without it!
Hannah says
0-1 was the hardest transition for me since I didn’t really know what to expect and it was a such a huge change and learning curve. Everyone told me while I was expecting my third that it would be the hardest transition, but it really wasn’t. I’m more relaxed with my third baby and the older two are able to do a few things for themselves. The hardest part is the logistics of going anywhere, especially since the baby is still in an infant carrier.
Gabrielle says
I completely agree. Once we actually get where we’re going, it’s fine, but getting out the door or juggling kids and gear to get in a building is always a challenge. And if it rains, I’d prefer to just stay holed up at the house.
Gabrielle says
Thanks so much! Enjoy your kiddos!
Kim p says
You’re such a great blogger and mom, Gabby! I miss you! I’ve said from the day my second was born that I was done having more kids, because to be honest, I don’t think I could mentally handle three children. Two is a huge challenge, and it’s mostly the three year old that challenges my patience and ability to be a good mom. As Aiden approaches his first birthday, I can feel the desire to have a third baby creep up on me. I don’t know if we will, but the stronger my faith and love for Christ grows, the stronger I am and the more capable I feel to handle more than two….we’ll see, I suppose….
Karina says
Thank you for this post :) I’m so glad there are brave mothers out there encouraging other women in the ways of motherhood. I had 4 babies in 5 years, currently we’re sitting at 7 years old, 4.5 years, 3.5years, 2 years old. And we’re homeschooling. Yes, I get the ‘You take your kids grocery shopping with you? All 4 of them? Alone?” and other wide-eyed stares, as if to say “I could never do what you’re doing..” but you are telling the truth when you say things become less and less of a big deal the more children you have. I remember even after my second child was born and somebody was vomiting (what I hate about motherhood the most) I was all panicky and paranoid about stomach illness.. well after a couple more kids, and a few more bouts of stomach illness, things like vomit just don’t seem like that big of a deal anymore. Buckling up one more car seat becomes just that… buckling up another car seat.
The thing is…. under normal circumstances we get to grow as parents as our family size grows. We are not just handed 4 kids at various ages (normally). I used to look at my sis-in-law with 4, pregnant with her 5th and think, there’s no way I could do that.
It’s only by His grace :) He gave you the blessings, Yes you Can!!
Missy says
Thanks so much for this post! It’s refreshing to see a positive and laid back perspective towards having multiple children since people are normally so negative about it. I only have one at the moment and have had some anxiety about adding another, but your words have encouraged me!! Thanks again!
NicoleW says
I found you through a link-up today. I like to hear that 3 isn’t that bad. :) We have a 2.5 year old and nearly one year old and probably sometime in the next year would like to try for number three. Sometimes I’m scared — I run out of hands then so I’m not sure how to hold onto everyone! lol
Kate @ Teaching What is Good says
Excellent post! The reality is, you just DO it. For me, 3 was the hardest — after learning to deal with 3, dealing with 8 was no problem!! :D Coming over from Marital Oneness linkup this morning.
Rebecca says
Had to comment on this as I remember those “going from 1-2 or 2-3 or 3-4 days” so well. It seems like yesterday but my oldest is now 16!!
I remember when my oldest 3 were ages 4, 3 and newbie and I was at the store with them all. A mom I knew who had 8 kids stopped me and said “I remember those days. It’s so hard!”. I was shocked as I couldn’t imagine having 8!! Well, now we have 8 : ). Ages 16, 15, 11, 10, 8, 5, 4 and 1 month. And the early stages when they are all little were harder but oh so blessed!!
So the hardest transition for me: going from 0 to1 because it was different from what I expected. After that, it was just more of the same. And then, once you get one child past 6 years it starts getting easier because they can help!
Thought I’d offer some shopping help: put the carseat over the back part of the cart sidewise. Put the next youngest in the front seat. Have the 3rd ride on the end of the cart. After we added more, I trained them to hold onto the side of the cart. We also practiced “little ducks” at home so if I said little ducks at the store, they knew to let go of the cart and walk single file behind me as we passed someone (if we were too “wide” with the kids holding the side of the cart).
Things are sometimes crazy where you’re at but what a blessed time!!
-Rebecca
Danielle says
So true! And I, personally believe, the more the merrier! 0-2 is all learning. From 2-3 is working out logistics (like how to effectively grocery shop with only one halfway decent walker). After 3, it’s just adding more noise, more laundry, more fun, and way more love! :)
Jamie H says
Thanks for your uplifting post! I’m currently 19 weeks pregnant with my third, and the thought of 3 kids 3 and under (my oldest will turn 4 three months after the baby is born, and the middle one turns 2 two months before baby is born) was kind of stressing me out! I’ll admit, it still does, but I’m glad I read your post. The reminder that so much of it will be old hat (I breastfed 18 months with #1, had 2 weeks off and then 18 months with #2!) is great to keep in mind. i found your post from The Better Mom link party, and I just want to thank you for writing it!