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Last Saturday I had the huge honor of meeting Fawn Weaver in person! She’s the founder of the Happy Wives Club blog where I contribute, and the author of the book (by the same title). She and I met online several years ago, when both of our blogs were in their infancy. We’ve stayed connected the entire time, but this was our first face-to-face meeting, when she was in Houston on her book tour.
She signed books for me and my sister-in-law:
Princess and I also got to participate in a coffee-chat with Fawn for about an hour in the bookstore. I can’t describe how encouraging it was to be around so many people who are happy in their marriages! To hear positive story, after positive story and encouragement for how we can be happier. It was just fantastic. Utterly refreshing.
One of the things Fawn talks about a lot is changing the conversation around marriage. When you are in a room of women who are complaining about their husbands, instead of joining in, instead of staying silent, to speak up. Spread positive words about marriage. This can be so hard, I struggle with it because I don’t want to come off as self-righteous, bragging or like I’m just making things up to look good.
It’s sad when you speak positive words and are assumed a liar, but you can speak nasty ones all day and no one bats an eyelash or asks if you must be exaggerating. I also worry that people will write me off because I’m young, and we haven’t been married too long yet. As if our five years together and 23 years of life some how discount our happiness or make it artificial.
I loved Fawn’s advice though, the words she uses are seasoned with grace, while also keeping the conversation to positive reflections on marriage. She brought up ways to change the conversation, without sounding arrogant or coming off all: “my husband is better than your husband”. After listening to her talk I brainstormed a few more ideas to keep in mind when I need to change the conversation. Words like
- What was the first thing that attracted you to your spouse?
- Why did you choose your man over all the other guys in the world?
- What’s one thing your hubby always remembers to do? (if the topic has been about what he often forgets)
I loved these ideas from Fawn, because they change the conversation without bragging or trying to sound like your marriage is perfect. It encourages women to focus on the positives in public, and keep the shortcomings between them and their spouse.
You know that I’m all about discussing imperfections. But not those of other people. I freely share my own struggles, on this blog, and I find it’s helpful to myself and others. But I will not make my husbands mistakes a topic of public discussion, or any one else’s shortcomings. That type of discussion about imperfections is not helpful to any one, it can only hurt.
Which is why I love the happy wives club. Positive discussion around marriage, all the time. It’s real, but it’s positive. We talk about how to make things better, and work through hard times, but it’s done without brining another person down, or making public the things that should remain private.
Fawn and the Happy Wives Club have been such an encouragement to me and my marriage for all these years. Knowing that our marriage is not an anomaly because we’re happy. Realizing that when the hard times come, it’s not because we’re slipping into the inevitable “misery of marriage” but instead it’s just some tough stuff to work through together. Growing closer not farther through the ups and downs
If you haven’t purchased the Happy Wives Club book yet, I can’t recommend it enough. It’s not an advice book, she won’t tell you things to change to have a happier marriage, but you will learn so much through it and it will encourage your soul as you read about so many happy people around the world. It’s a beautiful gift, and sometimes we just need that reminder. Sometimes we need to be that reminder.
How do you change the conversation about marriage when you are in the middle of negative-marriage-talk?