Dear New Mom (everything I wish I knew),
Right now your baby boy is just a few days old. You feel terrified and inadequate to be his mother. This is not what you expected. You thought it would come naturally; you thought people would say what an incredible job you are doing as a mother. But instead, you feel alone.
Sometimes he cries and you don’t know why. He wails as he stares up at you with his big beautiful eyes, he expects you to know how to help him but you feel powerless. I know that you are confused and afraid. I know that you worry that you won’t have what it takes to raise this baby boy and be what he needs in a mother.
I know all the insecurities and fears that have arisen as you look back on your own life. You want better for your son than what you had but you worry that you won’t be able to give him things that you never knew yourself. I know it just hurts right now and sometimes when he cries – you cry too.
But sweet new mama let me tell you; you can do this. Your baby is so fresh and new and you are too. You are just embarking on this grand adventure called motherhood. This right here, is the hardest part and you are doing it well. I know it doesn’t feel like it but you are doing great. To him, you are the best mama in the world. You are his whole world right now. It’s hard and wonderful at the same time.
I won’t tell you to enjoy every minute; I know how impossible that is. I just ask you to look at his little face, kiss his little nose and hold him close. You cry as you rock him and that’s fine. He won’t know the difference but he will know that you love him. He will grow up to be one of the happiest kids you’ve ever seen. He will bring joy to your life and he will bring chaos. He will teach you about life, love, family and faith. You will learn to laugh and cry more than ever before. You will learn what it means to love another person more deeply than you ever thought possible.
The path ahead is not an easy one. But as I sit here today writing to you, I’m just 2 years down the road but let me tell you, it was all worth it. Every sleepless night. Every stress. Every fear. all the tears and pain. God uses it all and weaves it into a beautiful life. You won’t have everything you ever wanted. You will have much more and much less. But it will be wonderful.
One more thing: Please stop trying to be perfect. I know that you just want the world for your son, believe me, I understand that and I still want the world for him – but you can’t be perfect. Neither can I. We’re all imperfect moms doing the best we can. Some day you will learn to stop focusing on perfection and realize it is enough to just love him in every way that you know how. That is the day you will find complete joy in motherhood. You will realize that you are doing enough. That you are enough. You will know that kids don’t need perfection, they need love and they need to be taught about the only One that is truly perfect.
I know it is terrifying right now. I remember those feelings all too well. My heart hurts for you, but I know something you don’t. It does get better. Actually, it gets wonderful.
Hang in there mama, You are doing just fine
Love,
Paula (2 years later)
This letter was also published in the Young Parent Anthology book being compiled by Proud to Parent. The book will be given out at the annual Young Parent’s Conference held in Boston this Summer. It is such an honor to be a part of the book and what Natasha and all the other wonderful people at Proud to parent are doing! Praying many young parents are reached and encouraged, not only by this post as well as the entire book and conference! March 17, 2013
Need a bit more encouragement for your day?
Read about the BEST birthing method (because it’s probably not what you think)
The number one way that mothers fail
What would you go back and tell yourself as a new mom? Share in the comments to encourage other new mamas!
Amy says
I just completed a survey for our local hospital, and when asked what services I think our area needs, I answered: parenting classes!
That need to do everything perfectly hits many of us. Not a single one of us will ever find perfection, and we beat ourselves up in the attempt.
Good words.
Paula says
thanks Amy!
Sarah says
This is beautiful, Paula, and I’m so glad it’s being published so many more new moms can be encouraged by your wise thoughts! It has been such a privilege to watch our boys grow up together and to have you as a friend through all the crazy wonderfulness (and (not so?) wonderful craziness). Looking forward to many more years parenting side-by-side and reading your Dear Paula letter when the boys turn 5 (and 10, and 20… scary thought that those birthdays are!) I love you, sweet friend!
Paula says
Thanks Sarah! Yeah those birthdays are a scary thought! I’m still trying to get used to the idea of “2 and a half”
it’s going by so fast!
Erica {let why lead} says
Congratulations, Paula! The letter is a treasure, and how wonderful to have it be published!
Paula says
thanks Erica!
Ally Ferguson says
Wow. This is so good. I’m just three months away from embarking on this journey and I already get scared of how am I going to do this sometimes. This was encouraging and I am definitly going to remember these words! :)
Paula says
So glad it encouraged you Ally! You will be a fantastic mama <3
Rachael DeBruin says
Absolutely beautiful words!
Laura says
Don’t you wish someone had said these things to you two years ago? Maybe they did? But the beauty of your words now is how they give to others now. Parenting is the hardest job…we need to encourage each other. My boys are in their teens now and we face different issues, but I still need to hear from other moms who have been there. Bless you for being that, Paula.
Esther Irish (@LaughWithUsBlog) says
Great advice! I have 5 and bringing each one home was tough! You’re right. It does get better. I was so much more sane when I let things go! :)
Tara Pohlkotte says
oh, mama. how i get this. how i lived this. i felt so. alone. and so under qualified. how much i loved him only fueled how much i didn’t feel like i was the right one for the job. Great job at getting through that hard time, remember it in future hard times…and congratulations on being a part of the publication! that’s great!
Stephanie E. says
You hit the nail on the head! It is so hard being a new mom and not knowing what you are doing. Even if you are well versed in children having one of your own is a completely different story.
Falen says
Such a sweet letter… How neat would it be if we could actually send it, right? :) I pray it in some way eases the shock and fright of being a new mommy who receives the book. How exciting is that?! You go girl!
Huge hugs.
Paula says
Thanks Falen!
Shell says
Yes on stop trying to be perfect. There’s no such thing as a perfect mom.
Rachel Anne Ridge says
So beautiful! I loved every word.Congratulations on being part of the book…it will be a treasure for any young parent, I’m sure.
Paula says
Thanks Rachel!
isabella j. says
Awww, I am a long time mommy, my baby is 22, the oldest 29. Please know the very best thing in the world you can do for your child is to love them and tell them how special and wonderful they are, what a blessing they have brought to your world simply by being alive. That makes you a perfect mommy in the eyes of your child and believe me, that is all we are ever judged on! Wishing you all the very best on your exciting, rewarding journey of parenthood, you are doing much better than you think!
Isabella
Paula says
perfect. thank you for those words of encouragement Isabella!
Amanda {A Royal Daughter} says
Oh Paula, this is beautifully written! When I (someday) have a baby, will you remind me of this post? I think every new mama needs to read it!
Paula says
will do Amanda <3 thanks ;)
Paula says
Thanks Judith! and congrats on your new grandbabies!
Amanda says
Let me just say that this letter brought tears to my eyes!! I have a 4 year old boy, an almost 3 year old girl, and a 9 month old boy, and I am still finding out that I cannot be perfect. I so desperately want my children to have more that I did (which is to say, I want them to be trained in the ways of God, I want them to have security in Him and in our home life, and I want them to know beyond a shadow of doubt that they are loved and wanted), and one of the things I have struggled with the most is how do I give them something that I don’t have? How do I teach them something I was never taught? And yet, God has everything. His grace is sufficient. How beautifully you have said it, and it touched my heart! So thank you!
Amy @ {Life to the Full} says
That letter is absolutely wonderful! I’ve only been a mom for 5 months now and even now I wish I could write a letter to myself! I’m still a rookie, but I’ve learned so much in such a short time. The first two weeks of motherhood were probably the two hardest weeks of my life… baby blues were horrible. I felt scared and lonely. Other moms told me it gets better after the 2nd week and, wow, were they right!
God is teaching me SO much through motherhood; there are many trials, but I wouldn’t trade being a mommy for the world!
Sara Konesheck says
What a beautiful letter! I am a new mommy to an 8 week old baby girl. I know what you mean about when they look at you with “that look” in their eyes. A look of innocence, helplessness and love. There is nothing sweeter than being a mom!
Krista says
Beautiful, beautiful, beautiful… even though my youngest baby is 7 now these words still ring so true. Nothing prepares you for the intensity and raw emotion of suddenly having to take care of a tiny little life. Words like your s help though, the knowledge that were not alone and that those feelings are normal. I know this will help a lot of new mommies!
Julie says
This is great! Congratulations for being included in the book :)
Maria J Armes says
All I can say is this…I have 3 Adult children now…and they all turned out just fine….I have great relationships with each of them and each relationship is unique to their individuality and I embrace that. What I want to tell you is this…it doesn’t come with a manual and each child is different… Don’t ever underestimate your ability as a mother even though so many people will tell you how to do it…when they do ..SMILE AND NOD and say I will keep that in mind and do it just how you want to…When they ask how their suggestion worked SMILE AND NOD and say it worked wonderfully…..And keep doing it like you have…and then one day …You will be dancing with your oldest child at his wedding to Pirate Ships by Wendy Waldmin ( a Lullaby you used to sing him) at his wedding sobbing and saying Yesterday I was rocking you in my arms singing this to you and now I am dancing with you at your wedding to it. Long story short…and more important DON”T helicopter, you can’t fix everything but you can kiss boo boos , If they don’t win, pat them on the back for a good try and and encourage them to try harder or try something else, LET THEM MAKE MISTAKES when they are kids and young adults and LEARN HOW TO FIX THEM…and you will have spawned Productive and participating young adults and leaders in society…and you will sit back and say I DID GOOD! TRUTH
l;j