When I was younger, I did a lot of babysitting. I’ve always loved being around kids and taking care of babies and I always looked forward to being a mama myself. I learned a lot in my years of babysitting, working in daycares and in an orphanage, I guess I assumed I’d be more “ready” for motherhood. But all the experience in the world can’t prepare you for the beautifully difficult reality that is motherhood.
I remember categorizing mothers as a teen, in my mind a mama was a “novice” until her child was around 2 years old. By that time (in my view) she had her stuff together and pretty well knew what she was doing.
Last November my son turned two and I was faced with a huge reality check. I freaked out a bit at first… “he’s two and I still don’t know what I’m doing!!!” and “I’m supposed to have it all figured out by now!”. Then reality set it. Nope, I still don’t know what I’m doing but I’m guessing that most moms don’t.
Because as soon as we have this season of motherhood all figured out, something will change, some one will grow or hit a new developmental stage and all the wonderful systems and theories that we have had in place will come crumbling down.
As mamas we are always growing, always changing, always evolving as mothers to care for the constantly-changing needs of our families.
So today, I confess, I don’t know what I’m doing. I’m just loving my kids, and figuring it out as I go.
I never know what kind of a day we’ll have until we’re having it (though I do my best to make them all good days, that doesn’t always happen.), but I’m learning to just go with what happens and “wing it”.
Maybe that’s normal or perhaps I’m the odd one out. But, in case you find yourself peeking around at all the moms you know and thinking you are the only one that only pretends to know what she’s doing, I wanted to let you know I don’t know what I’m doing either. Sure, I act like I do, I come off like I know exactly what’s going on and how to handle each misbehavior and every tantrum, but I don’t. I’m still learning and I have a feeling I will be learning more about motherhood everyday of my life.