Sometimes I’m faced with a situation, and I just can’t figure out what would be the best way to deal with it. I want to be polite and kind, but I’m also prone to not speaking up when I should, because I like to avoid confrontation. So this series is dedicated to exploring all the sides of a scenario and sharing how each of us would deal with a situation, and why. I can’t wait to hear your thoughts!
Today’s scenario is something that actually happened to me in the grocery store. I was totally stumped about how to handle in, and ended up doing nothing, but I still wonder if I should have spoken up.
The Scenario: I was shopping in the grocery store one morning, with both kids riding in one of those huge, hard to maneuver car/carts. I came across two 8 or 9 year old girls sprinting through the store, presumably picking up random things their mother had forgotten on her list, and running those items back to their mom’s cart. The girls were out of view of their mother, and I almost hit them with my cart on three separate occasions. They were running around dodging people, and popping out of isles at a sprint. Their mom could see them running part of the time, but they were also on completely opposite ends of the store at other times, so I’m not sure if she noticed them running, or the danger they were posing to other customers and themselves.
The Options: Here is where I got stumped. What should I do?
a.) Do nothing – Avoid the kids to the best of my abilities, and ignore the situation.
b.) Talk to the mom – Attempt to approach the mom in a non-judgemental way, to inform her that I almost hit her girls by mistake, and suggest that they slow down. I admit, I get irked when strangers approach me about the behavior of my children, but I feel that this would be different, because her children weren’t with her when it happened, and she otherwise may not have known or noticed that they were running. When people approach me about my babies or toddlers it is different because they are commenting on things I can see and I have already made a decision about, and therefore they seem to be calling my parenting into question. I don’t want to question this woman’s parenting skills, but rather, just inform her of the situation that she couldn’t see happening from the other side of the grocery store. Though somehow, I still feel like this could be taken offensively.
c.) Talk to a store employee – Instead of risking stepping on the toes of the mom, find a store employee to point out the danger that the children are in, and how they may be hit with another person’s shopping cart, or how they could easily plow into, knock down, and seriously injure one of the older customers in the store that day.
d.) Your own option – What would you do?
As I said above, I ended up choosing option A and doing nothing, but I still wonder if I should have spoken up. I think option C would have been my next choice, if I had been able to work up the nerve.
Have you ever been faced with a similar situation? OR been approached by another person about the behavior of your children? Please share your thoughts!
Sheryl says
If I had courage to do this I would talk to the mom. Back in my day when me and my sister if we ever attempted that we would get whacked right there in the store. The mom should not let her kids run in the store that is what the park is for.
Sarah says
I’ve had this exact same thing happen! Many times unfortunately. I always step in the kids way and say *nicely* you need to stop. This is a market not a playground. They stop and I’ve never been approached by an angry mother. Even if the mother had come to me I could say with confidence that I was nice and was not rude to their child and explain the situation.
Aggie says
I have seen this at times myself and I have told the kids to stop running because somebody will get hurt. At 64 , I am not afraid to speak up where there is a question of safety! Also kids tend to listen(?) to someone who speaks with a bit of authority in the voice.
Tracie says
This is so hard. I would say a quick, “slow down” or “excuse you” to the kids. I probably wouldn’t say anything to the mom…ugh. I’m at a loss here. It is tough to know how to handle situations like this.
Kathryn says
Such a cool idea for a series!! :)
I am like you would have done option “a” as well, but that’s because I am too shy to speak up. I definitely would have been annoyed at the situation though… that’s a tough one!
Anna@stuffedveggies says
I would either remain silent as you did, or speak to the kids themselves – as others here have mentioned. A simple “If you don’t slow down & be more careful, I’ll have to talk to your Mom.” has helped me with many a wild kid : )
If the kids were “helping” their Mom & not being mean-spirited or truly endangering someone’s well-being, I would probably just try to ignore it.
JanetGoingCrazy says
I think saying something to the kids would have been the most effective. It is likely that the mom knew exactly what was going on and didn’t care. That is why the girls were doing it. If you had approached her, she would have gone on the defensive.
Brenda says
I’ve also been in this situation, and what I did was to speak both to the children, and their parent about the danger they were putting themselves and others in. When the mom became defensive, I walked away. When it happened again, I spoke with the store manager and let her handle any subsequent problem with that family.
Chris Carter says
I would have sternly told the kids to stop running because they are going to cause an accident- EACH time they ran into you (almost) I would have said something. Then I would have gone to the mom if I could find her and tell her that her kids are running INTO customers. If she dismissed it, then I would walk away (frustrated) and let it go.
If it was really REALLY bad- I would tell the manager.
Rae @ Disorganized Musings says
I don’t like confrontation either. I try to stay as far away from it as I possibly could. I most likely would have opted for A. If it got really bad I would say something to the store manager. I’m a coward and wouldn’t have said anything to the parents.
I’m curious…what have people said to you about your children’s behavior when you were with them? I find it very bold for someone to approach you while you are watching your kids and make a comment.
Great series!
Jamie Bishop says
I think it is not okay (for me) to ever approach any parent about something their child is doing that I don’t agree with. When the idiots in the street just stare at me as I drive by, barely moving out of my way, I get so frustrated and think, “Where are their parents? Why are they letting their children act like this, with no respect for anyone?” I think this speaks to my own heart and is a problem I have. Yes, they are being disrespectful, not to mention completely unsafe playing in the street the way that they do, but I can’t find it in my heart to be anything but annoyed-which I know is not Christ-like. I hate confrontation myself and I know my first instinct if someone approached me about something my kids were doing would be to be defensive. It’s funny that you mention this scenario with kids running around the grocery store. Because a couple of weeks ago I had my two older kids (12 and 11) run to grab something while I was in line. We were in a hurry and I was recovering from neck surgery and just wanted to get home. So I sent them to grab it and was worried sick the entire time that I couldn’t see them (which was half of it). I wasn’t concerned about their safety because I knew the area I sent them to was nowhere near the doors and they would have had to pass me before going out the door. All of that to say that I don’t know the mother’s intentions in letting the kids run all over grabbing stuff, but I do know that either she just didn’t care about anything (in that case, prayer is needed…) or she trusted that her children were safe enough to go around. Maybe they shouldn’t have been so careless around others, but the best teaching doesn’t ensure that out of our sight our children are perfectly behaved. Before I became a mother, I stood in judgement of other mothers and had no patience with their children. And then…I had kids. And I tried taking them to the grocery store. Most of the time, I couldn’t get out of there without screaming at one of them or leaving in tears. Now, I have a lot more understanding for mothers with young children. Except, apparently, for the neighbor kids in the street and their parents. :-) Stopping by from Proverbs 31 Wife!
Nicole says
I’m the same way, but I’m getting a little bolder with children. I think a, “be careful” or “slow down” would be what I would do.