Marriage changes a lot through the years. Thus far, the biggest change for us has come with the birth of our children.
Babies change everything. Your relationship with your friends, your spouse, and even your loving relationship with sleep is put to the test when a precious little one enters your life.
Your needs and the needs of every one else in your life are suddenly secondary to the needs of the tiny human who can do nothing to care for himself.
There was a day when husband and why would have a disagreement and then have a few hours or days even to sit down and talk through it. To take a rest, and come at the problem with new eyes after a good night’s rest.
Then suddenly no one is sleeping, no one has time for a conversation that is not being had in 10 minutes increments and sometimes over the head of a screaming infant.
Life has to be figured out once again because it’s being ruled by the whims of a tiny dictator who doesn’t even know his own name.
Without any one realizing it or doing it on purpose, marriage gets different.
There is a season where gone are the days of roses and late night talks about life. The thought of a casual walk through town takes so much preparation and effort that it’s simply not realistic anymore.
Romance starts looking a lot less like flowers and a lot more like a kiss on the cheek through the smell of day-old spit up on your shirt.
It sounds less like the romantic songs you used to dance to and more like the soft whisper of “I’ll get the baby” in the middle of the night as she cries for no reason at 3am.
Somewhere along the lines you realize there’s nothing sexier than walking into the living room and seeing your husband sitting on the floor while the kids take turns trying to knock him over, giggling and shrieking as they go.
It’s the way you secretly find time to give each other breaks from the kids and knowing that there’s no gift more romantic than that of a quiet afternoon to yourself curled up in a chair with a good book.
Moments of flirting are stolen between wrestling toddlers into their pajamas and calming the fears of preschoolers as they decide they are suddenly terrified of their ceiling fans.
Everything changes when you add a baby to the mix. But that’s not a bad thing.
This is what marriage looks like after kids. The kids grow and change and the marriage does too. Nothing stays the same because it can’t. You are constantly growing, constantly adapting and while constantly realizing there’s no one you’d rather being growing and changing and adapting with.
It gets harder and it gets easier. The only things you can count on are chaos and each other and somehow that’s okay because it’s a perfect kind of beautiful chaos as you see each other more clearly and know you’re right where you wanna be, lack of sleep, spit up, noise and all.
PS- one fun way to connect with your spouse after the baby is born is by writing your love story together. This All Because We Fell In Love DIY Book will help you write the story together and then you will have it in place as a gift for your child when he or she grows up!
I guess my experience was different. I had two children already when I met my husband. He entered our lives fully aware that HE would be adapting into OUR little family and routines. He did so with all his heart in! I couldn’t be more grateful. Later, we were married and had a child together. Since we never experienced “normal” dating , adding a baby was easy! Even through the chaos of kids, we are still ALWAYS able to find time for us, even if it’s after the kids go to bed. We talk, always, even through the busiest of times. We gives hugs, kisses, and are silly all the time. It doesn’t take more than a few seconds to stop and do that. Even a crying baby will survive for a few seconds! In fact, they will thrive FEELING the love that their parents have for each other. Let’s face it, even babies can feel tension or stress between mommy and daddy. I know, our situation wasn’t “ideal” or “typical” to some, but it worked great for us. Our life isn’t perfect but, it’s made us into an extremely strong family. Our kids see that, and hopefully, they will carry that into their own families when they have them.
Amy Clark says
So true! This morning my husband and I were sneaking a kiss before he left for the day and before I finished getting ready for work. Our son opened the bedroom door without knocking (of course), saw us, and verryyy slllooowwwlly closed the door again. Our moment was interrupted and shortened, but by laughter.
Dreaming of the DINK life says
SO glad I’m choosing to skip the having babies part!
World traveler says
Perfect example of why I’m choosing the childfree life
This sounds like a personal hell. If anything reading these articles re-enforce my feelings of never having children.