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| No more fighting please! |
I’m tired… Extremely tired of mommy drama.
I’m tired of logging on to my computer and seeing 10,000 different people saying 10,000 different things about how I MUST raise my child. I’m tired of mommys bullying other mommys or making new moms feel pressured to do things their way. I’m tired of Moms making other mamas feel insecure. I’m sick of the snarky little comments and “clever” pictures that are jabs at other people’s parenting methods hidden sneakily under the guise of humor.
I’m read for us all to just encourage each other, and stop tearing each other down through our blog theories about what is “best” for every child ever.
I’m tired of people campaigning for their brand of parenting. I’m tired of being bombarded with information about how I should raise my child everytime I open facebook or read a blog. I really enjoy reading information about different parenting methods. I just get upset when people start saying that anything and everything other than what they are doing is sub par. It’s irritating (at best) and can get really discouraging (At worst).
I find it amazing that most of the “issues” people argue over and fight for, really don’t matter in the long run.
I don’t think children sit around at age 12 saying “oooh my mom breastfed me for 11 months and yours didn’t make it past day 1, my mom must love me waaaaaay more that yours loves you.”
9 year olds aren’t going to remember if their parents co-slept with them when they were babies or if they were in a crib in their own room their entire infancy.
15 year olds aren’t going to look back on all the meals they ate as a toddler and decipher the extent of their mother’s love for them from that.
Kids aren’t going to remember if you bought them all the latest toys.
Kids won’t really know if you allowed them to watch television as a toddler or avoided it like the black plague.
They won’t know or care if you cloth diapered them, or if you used disposables.
They WILL know if you were patient and kind. They will remember if you loved on them and cared for them, took time to talk to them, look them in the eye and show them that they matter in a way that they could understand. They will remember the days when you were happy and carefree chasing them around the house in their PJs or spinning in circles with them until you get sick. They will remember that you laughed (or didn’t). they will remember that you hugged (or didn’t) they will remember that you had time for them (or were too busy).
Those are the things that are remembered. Those are the things that MATTER.
Whatever decisions you make as a mama, make the decisions that are right for you and your family. Even if they are looked at as “less than” by other mamas. My hubby always reminds me that I can never please every one, there will ALWAYS be other people telling me that the decisions I have made are the wrong ones. But the truth is they are my decisions to make. Hubby and I talk together about how we are raising our children, and we’ve made the best decisions for our family.
But we don’t think they are necessarily the best decisions for your family. Make the decisions that pull you are your family closer. That emphasize what is important to you and your family… and that communicate the most love to your kids.
Know that your values may change as you grow in your motherhood. I’ve chosen to do some things that I didn’t think I would, but my choices allow me to be less stressed, so I can be a happier, kinder mommy, that’s why I have chosen them. Some things that were super important to you the first year of your child’s life, may slip to the background in years to come, and that’s okay. As long as loving your child, teaching them about God and showing them how much you care stays at the front, you are doing good mama! You are not doing it wrong. YOU are the person God selected to be the mother of your child, and you are an incredible mama.
;)Linked up with a bunch of great blogs this week! Please see my side bar for all the buttons to the link ups!
greggieswidow says
Good post sis
futurehope says
thanks!!! :)
Missy says
AMEN!!!! I’m a new mom and I’m soooo fed up with all the mommy guilt and judgements!!! I was thinking the other day that it would be so much easier to be a dad. They don’t judge each other at all! Why can’t we be more like that?? Oh my goodness I get so discouraged!!
futurehope says
haha, made me laugh “why can’t we be more like dads”. good point! :) I’m sorry it’s discouraged you too! I hope this post encouraged you a bit!!
Kate @ Teaching What Is Good says
Oh honey, I’m so sorry that you have felt so bombarded with pressure and (horribly) condemnation. The fact of the matter is that so many of the decisions in raising our children are to be made between the husband, wife and God. No one else’s OPINION matters.
And over the years I’ve found that so much ‘comes out in the wash’ … meaning if our hearts are loving and respectful toward our husbands and children, and honoring toward God, the rest will work itself out. If I don’t nurse at all and you nurse for 2 years, both of our children STILL have the chance to go to college and have a healthy productive life! ;-D
I second your No Drama Zone! :-)
futurehope says
Thanks Kate!!! :)
Mrs. Mordecai says
Thank you for saying this. I think it needs to be said a thousand times over! I wish mothers would stop attacking each other and start loving and supporting each other, whether their choices are the same or not.
futurehope says
thanks for commenting!!! I agree, it needs to be said more, and OFTEN! <3
Kendra says
This is so true! I get tire of the hate drama completely, whether it’s over parenting or just anything. Thanks for ranting :) I’m glad to know I’m not alone in being disgusted over all this.
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully says
Here’s the thing. I see this all the time from people who are apparently lashing out at the “attachment parenting” group…but it really works BOTH ways. I’m in that group that you don’t like, and no I don’t necessarily think that my child will look back and say “OOOH my mom breastfed me for 11 months, and she must love me more.” (and, BTW, it was actually 17 months and 20 months respectively), anymore than a child will say, “Hey, my mom must have loved me more because I got formula.”
I don’t claim that my choices will make my child feel loved or make me a better parent. I make choices that I feel are best for my family. Period. I’m sure you do the same.
I think the drama goes BOTH ways, and not just on the side that you agree with. And, I agree it should stop. We agree with “our side” so we don’t notice that propaganda. I see posts calling out “attachment parenting” techniques ALL the time.
I agree it should stop, on BOTH sides, and we should stop belittling the choices made on BOTH sides…
futurehope says
Hey Crystal! I totally agree with what you are saying! I was not trying to attack attachment parents or any other “brand” of parenting. I personally do a lot of ‘attachment’ type things with my son (I nursed him for a year, he never had a drop of formula, I cloth diaper, we co-slept for several months etc.)
Like I said in my post “Whatever decisions you make as a mama, make the decisions that are right for you and your family. Even if they are looked at as “less than” by other mamas.”
And that’s very similar to what you are saying in your comment, so it seems to me we are on the same page! I’m sure it’s true that we all miss propaganda promoting our side or dissing the other “side” (sad that they can even be referred to as sides, but that is what it feels like isn’t it.)
The point I was trying to convey through this post is very similar to what you are saying in your comment. It needs to stop. on every side, no matter the ‘brand’ of parenting. it’s drama and it just makes people feel bad.
I’m sorry if you found this post offensive or felt like it was attacking you/your beliefs. That was certainly not my intentions in writing it! Hopefully this clears up any misunderstandings or any lack of clarity in my post!
we’re all on the same “side” as far as loving and caring for our kids, and that’s what really matters anyway! :D
Crystal @ Serving Joyfully says
Thanks for the clarification! It seemed that your points all seemed to be against those things, and then I saw in another post a sarcastic comment about not feeding your family organic (I don’t either, but I don’t have a problem with anyone else who does), so it seemed like you were doing the very thing that you were ranting against. Sorry for the misunderstanding.
futurehope says
No problem! I actually put a lot of the things I do first in examples in the hopes that it wouldn’t seem like I was against any way or another, but since I don’t often talk about which specific choices we’ve made for our family I can see how that probably didn’t come across as such since my readers don’t necessarily know which choices I have made as a parent.
What Joy Is Mine says
Very thought provoking post. We are all individuals who vary in our opinions on motherhood but there is no reason we cannot still support one another and encourage one another. For me, I read with an open mind but always follow what works for my family while trusting God’s leading. Thank you for sharing your heart at WJIM.
futurehope says
very true. personally, I find it interesting to hear of all the different methods and ideas people have, but you are right, encouragement and supporting one another is key, even in the midst of our differences.
womeneverywhere says
I have a 3 month old and it is SO hard not to get caught up in the mommy guilt. Everyone has an opinion. And sometimes it is really hurtful because I feel like they are telling me I don’t know how to parent my own child. I so needed to read this today, so thank you.