Today we have our very first guest post in the “confessions of an imperfect mother” series. I’m so excited to introduce you to Karina from Grace for That. Karina is missionary and a mom of four beautiful little ones! I absolutely love her blog and the focus she puts on God’s grace. I enjoy reading her posts and seeing how she’s reminded of God’s grace in every situation in life. It is a beautiful reminder for all of us. I hope you take some time and stop by her blog after you read this fabulous post she’s shared with us today. I love her transparency in this, it is such an encouragement!!!
Pride and Prejudice.
Of course, that’s not at all an original choice of wordings. But they are two words that come to my mind when I think about my own journey thus far on the road of motherhood and my imperfections.
Of course, that’s not at all an original choice of wordings. But they are two words that come to my mind when I think about my own journey thus far on the road of motherhood and my imperfections.
I confess to thinking before birthing any of my children that I was caught up in natural birth ideologies. I wasn`t completely against medical intervention, or delivering in a hospital for that matter, however I was determined to give natural-birth my best try, and if need be, I might accept the offer of an epidural. C-Section never entered my mind, except by ways of thinking only the weaker woman would opt for one of those. When I found myself being wheeled into the operating room for my first c-section, my prideful world was turned upside down. I was brought low down. I was that weaker woman. After shedding many tears, mostly of embarrassment and the realization of how proud I really was, I was graced with 3 more children… all via c-section. I confess, since these 4 surgeries, there are still days that I struggle with the feelings of failure, but quickly realize the roots of those feelings. Pride again. It’s pride that stirs the pot of insecurity, because who amI trying to impress with my success of a so-called natural-birth?
Nevermind the single day my babies entered the world… then comes the precarious task of child-training. My thoughts on discipline? Oh my. We watch other kids have tantrums, and their parents stand by…. I have found myself thinking highly of our method of discipline, only to forget my own child in a time-out!
My confession of pride only leads me to the next imperfection along this road of motherhood, and that is my prejudices toward homeschooling versus public and private schooling. On more than one occasion I have felt superior about our convictions to homeschool our children. As though we are offering them better education, better discipline, more quality time… etc, etc. And then on the flip-side, I have also felt insecure and completely inadequate for this task. However most of the time, these feelings of insecurity are motivated, not by humility and the honest reflection of my human inadequacies, but in wondering what others are thinking of me because of the behaviors of my kids. Or by comparing what exciting things my children might be experiencing or engaging in if they were in a classroom all day long. Comparisons. Dangerous.
If I am concerned about others’ opinions of me then I cease to be concerned about Christ’s love for me. I’ve missed out, and committed possibly the worst sin… having another god besides the one true God.
Pride and Prejudice. These are ugly words that I’ve been caught up in for years, starting before the birth of my first daughter….. continuing through the difficulties of nursing versus bottle-feeding, feeding on demand or scheduling.. to spank, or use time-outs.. I wish to be released from them. The more I read God’s Word, the more I see “myself in the mirror”, so to speak—the ugliness of pride in my heart and how it destroys and estranges. It creates walls between people, and between the Father and me.
Are you depressed by this yet? Perhaps identifying with any of it? I could not write about these confessions without also writing about the HOPE I have also discovered along this road of pride and prejudice, and that is the hope of grace. No matter how terrible the thoughts in my heart, the sorrows I bring upon myself because of outrageous comparisons… there’s grace for that. My Heavenly Father has promised to be here, when I am broken, and pick me up. Give me another chance, and another, and even another. Not only, do I get another chance, I have been given a free gift, the forgiveness of past and future sins. The freedom to live life in obedience to Him, to humble myself as I recognize no blessing I have been given is because of me. It is because of Him. And that truly is humbling.
–Karina
Click the image below to read more posts in the Confessions of an Imperfect Mother series.
Rachel @myheartsmission says
Karina-
Thank you for sharing your heart, I have also struggled with many of the things you mentioned, and I agree. The more I focus on simply conforming my life to Christ and less on comparing myself to others- the more peace I feel. For it is not about what others are doing and whether I am doing it the same or differently, but am I living in obedience to my Lord and Savior? To what He has uniquely called me to in this life? Nothing else matters. Just trust and obey. Blessings on you, so glad I stopped by your blog today. :)
Beth says
We all struggle in these ways, Karina, but not all of us are courageous enough to share about it. For that I am thankful that you’ve chosen to be so vulnerable here, my friend. Thanks also for reminding us that our gracious Father loves us unconditionally. :)
Kelli says
I love when you said, “If I am concerned about others’ opinions of me then I cease to be concerned about Christ’s love for me.” You are so right. It’s either one or the other, it cannot be both. I pray I will live more concerned about what Jesus thinks rather than my reputation.:) Great post!
Amanda says
Karina you are a beautiful writer. I so admire your bravery in sharing this and knowing this makes you stronger in Him. Much love
Sarah says
What a precious, precious post. Thank you Karina and Paula for being open and honest! It is refreshing to be reminded that my identity is not in the decisions I make as a mother but is instead in the one who has redeemed me. Praise God for the redemption we have in Christ!
Jerralea says
I can relate with this post so well, Karina! I used to have feelings of pride and prejudice too, but raising three girls soon taught me otherwise …
Thank God for the HOPE we have in Him. He can redeem our mistakes – praise God!
Denise says
I enjoyed this.
Shell says
I think we should all focus more just doing the best we can and not worrying about judgement.
Laura Boggess says
Such beautiful transparency, Karina. I think it is easy to get caught up in these ways of thinking–especially when it comes to our children. Bless you for pointing us to the truth that frees!
Ashley Ditto says
This is amazing! Helped me so much!
Hands to Work, Hearts to God says
Hi Karina,We have to wrap all our deficiencies with HOPE, don’t we, or it really all gets depressing! Patsy from
HeARTworks
Amanda says
I love that you write so honestly and with so much vulnerability. It’s refreshing. Thank you for being faithful to link up to Desire to Inspire!
Aprille says
I could have written this post. This is my story. Planned for (and was proud about planning for) a natural birth but my big malpositioned baby had other plans. It still hurts my pride to think about but God has given me grace and healing and forgiveness. :)
Paula says
glad it resonated with you :) I really enjoyed this one from Karina too! My first birth didn’t go how I planned either, but the 2nd was natural, and you know what? It really doesn’t matter to me now. the “experience” was different but the outcome was the same. a healthy baby and a beautiful family.