Body Image. No matter where you go as a woman, some one is talking about it, or (at the very least) thinking about it.
The internet was outraged when a fitness blogger (Carolin Berg Eriksen) posted a selfie of her post-baby body on her Instagram account. She was toned, and very thin and there are a lot of people commenting and blogging about how unrealistic she is, and writing about what “real” women look like.
It’s very reminiscent of when Maria Kang (another fitness guru) posted a similar photo a couple months back, with the caption “what’s your excuse”.
I’m not defending either woman, and I can’t pretend to know what their intentions were posting the photos. Maybe they were innocent, sharing their photos because they are proud of their accomplishments (who wouldn’t be?) or maybe they were trying to bully and shame every one else. I have no idea. But I will say this…
I’m sick of all the responses saying “That’s not what real women look like”. I’m saddened that there are hundreds of images of women with the stereotypical postpartum bellies receiving responses of “beautiful” and “wonderful” (as they should, because they are beautiful), but then when a smaller woman posts her photo she’s attacked. She’s accused of trying to compete with or shame every one else. Yes, it’s possible that their intentions were cruel, but it’s also possible that they were just sharing photos of their postpartum bellies.
Some people, some mamas even, are just small. They should be allowed to share their bellies too if they feel so inclined. Personally, I’m not one to post photos of my belly pre baby or post baby. That’s just not what I do. But if I did, no one would call me beautiful, inspiring or say “good job mama”. No one would call me a real woman. Instead, I would probably be attacked for it. I would be called a bully that’s trying to start a competition and shame people, simply because I’m smaller than average. I’m smaller than whatever size constitutes being “real”.
Here’s an idea. Let’s realize that all women are real women. Until they start making robot replicas of humans, we’re all real. No matter how we look in a photo, how many stretch marks we sport, how many extra pounds we have or how many bones are visible through our skin. We’re real women with real feelings.
Thin women have just as many body image issues as the not-so-thin women. And then, to top it all off, we’re told that we’re not even real because we’re skinny. We don’t even get the privilege of being women in most people’s minds because we’re smaller than average.
So maybe, can we all just agree to support one another, regardless of our size and do so without degrading or hurting those of another size. Can we rejoice with one another’s accomplishments without feeling like they are threatening our own goals and successes?
We’re all different. I can rejoice with my friend when she loses a pound, without mocking those that are underweight, just like she cheers with me, when I gain a pound without criticizing those that weigh more than I do. Both of these things can be done without hurting any one else. Support should never come at the expense of another.
We will each have a unique experience after having our children, our bodies will respond differently and probably will never be the same, regardless of what the scale says and that’s okay. That’s real. That is what it is to be a real woman, that’s what it is to be a real mother.
Leah says
Great post. As a mom who nearly died during pregnancy, I didn’t even show until I was past 7 months. So when I finally had him, I was back to very thin right away, actually TOO thin. I weighed less at full term than I did before I got pregnant. True story.
Many women would say “Oh, you’re so lucky to be so small.” But like many other situations, they didn’t know the full story. And yes, thin women have just as many troubles as larger women….like, trying to get our jeans or skirts to stay up?! lol
Either way, we should just be grateful to God for our bodies and support one another with large amounts of grace. :)
Jillian DiCosimo says
I’ve been on both sides of this. After my first 2 kids, you couldn’t tell that I was ever pregnant. The weight just came right off without me doing a thing. sigh. I would actually lie and tell other moms that I was working out because they’d hate me if they knew I was just fortunate like that. Then when I had babies 3-8, things changed. I’ve held onto a little bit of weight each time and now, when I see a mom like Kate Middleton after having her baby, I’m glad that she wasn’t trying to hide her post-baby bump. Either way, it comes down to us. We need to stop obsessing over what so and so does or doesn’t do. Great post!
Kate says
Great post! I have one in the works to go live on Saturday regarding this same issue. It is sad that as a people in general “we” feel the need to put other’s down regardless of size or shape. There was another article I read earlier this week before the Carolin Erikson one that made fun of a larger woman who dressed as Laura Croft for Halloween and what she is having to do to remove the post from the internet. One she posted to her personal facebook that someone took and made a meme of. As a people we have to remember that behind these photos are real people and I am sure these woman are proud, they are in the fitness industry so it is literally their job to look good. I just wish as a people we would stop this non-sense and love and support each other for who we are. If you don’t like it, pass it by and don’t look. In first grade I was taught, “if you don’t have anything nice to say, don’t say anything at all”, I really wish we could get back to that. Anyway, great article!
Teressa Mackey says
Thank you for sharing this. I’ve felt similar lately .. We are all real women! Especially all those women who aren’t fortunate enough to have a baby.
Becky says
Love this!
Sarah says
You know what, this was written in a very lovingly, honest way. It’s so true that naturally thinnner women aren’t considered “real” but those on the voluptuous, curvy, or even heavy side are the meaning of “real.” I think women are the causes of these types of controversies and we need to just close our mouths for two seconds instead of so desperately trying to define to the world what a real woman is. Because quite frankly, nobody really cares.. Except women. Men sit back (and laugh) because they’re not gallivanting on blogs talking about how another guy is or isn’t “man” enough. Lol #endrant
Jelli says
Great post. I saw Maria Kong’s picture and quite frankly thought it was great that she was able to get so toned so quickly. I think you are right on target, Paula, with what you said here.
Britni says
What a great post Paula. I am in the post-baby stage right now and still trying to come to terms with how my body has changed but every day is a little better. And maybe next year I’ll post a selfie again. Thanks for sharing on the weekend re-Treat link party! Hope to see you again Thurs at 7PM EST.
Britni @ Play. Party. Pin.
Kari says
I have to say when I saw this on Pinterest I didn’t think that this would be the article that I was going to read. I thought it was going to be another slam on women who get back in shape “too quickly” after having a baby because since it takes 9 months to grow a baby it must take 9 months or more to loose the weight. That’s just not true for everyone. I’ve had 4 children and with every single pregnancy I was that woman that from behind you couldn’t tell she was pregnant. When I turned around you could clearly tell but I didn’t gain weight anywhere but in my belly. Right after delivery I was a little “squishy” in the midsection but I definitely no longer looked pregnant. And usually by 2 weeks postpartum I was back in my jeans. I got so many comments from people, both positive and negative. I was just blessed to come from very good genes (my mom did the exact same thing with all 3 of her pregnancies.) We hear so much about obesity in this country but no one ever talks about how hard it is to be underweight, especially not to be underweight by choice (I’ve never had an eating disorder…this is just how I am built.) It’s hard to shop for anything when you aren’t considered normal, whether it’s on the lower or upper end of the scale. I have just as many self esteem issues as women who are overweight but no one would ever believe that for some reason. We need to start embracing women of ALL shapes and sizes and stop criticizing each other so much! We are all doing our best and we need to get behind each other! Great article! Thanks for sharing!
meladerm says
Right away I am going away to do my breakfast, afterward having my breakfast coming yet
again to read more news.
Stephanie says
Thank you for writing this. I think this post was very well written and it makes the point I’ve tried to make but more articulately than I ever could.
I’m like you, a smaller than average woman who “didn’t look pregnant from behind”, was “all baby” and according to some, didn’t look pregnant in general even though I looked like I had a beach ball tucked under my shirt and waddled when I walked. (For scale, I’m 5’2″ and a size 2 and my babies were 8 and almost 9 lbs) If a huge belly is not an indication of pregnancy, then what is? WHAT SHOULD A PREGNANT WOMAN LOOK LIKE? And What should we look like a week postpartum, or 8 weeks postpartum? I’ve come to the conclusion that telling someone they don’t look pregnant is a compliment, even though I personally don’t think it is, and I never fully took it that way when I was the recipient of such comments. Also, I recall someone saying to me “you must be the nanny, there’s no way you just had a baby” 3 weeks postpartum. I smiled and said thank you, because I thought I should, even though it made me a little sad inside. Sure, my husband and I know that my tummy is not flat anymore, not even close, and I embrace it, but it’s to the point I wish other people would notice it too. That’s how much all this has affected me, that I want to prove that I’m also real!?
It shouldn’t be this way.
In summary, women on both sides of the fence, if I may, can feel sensitive about their appearance. Therefore, I focus my questions and comments on how an expectant or new mother is FEELING, and on how the BABY is doing, rather than on her appearance.
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Jhoei says
I don’t really think that we should give comments about women having a different look or figure when they gave birth. It would be better to talk about how they went through their pregnancy and their sacrifices in raising their kids.