In the past few weeks I’ve received a few comments and read a few posts saying that it is wrong to talk about our struggles and imperfections (the way I do in the Confessions of an Imperfect Mother series, and many other posts on this blog). I can definitely see where these thoughts are coming from, but I obviously disagree. For that reason, I wanted to share with you why I choose to talk about imperfection. Why I share my struggles and shortcomings on my blog, and why I don’t hide it when I’m having a rough day or I’m counting the minutes to bedtime.
- Because it’s real – As much as I’d like to be the picture-perfect mama, that has it all together and never feels impatient with her kiddos, I’m not. I am most definitely striving to be more patient, more loving and more selfless, but I’m not there yet. If I pretend that I have it all together and I’m a bundle of joy every moment, that won’t help any one. It won’t help me because I’d be lying to myself, and it certainly it won’t help my readers, because they might feel alone, or feel like they are the only ones struggling. I want to be real, share my real heart, imperfections and all. When we’re real about our imperfections, God’s grace shines through so beautifully, because we know beyond a shadow of a doubt, that He’s helping us in all of our weaknesses.
- To Encourage – I write about imperfections to encourage other moms. Bad days happen, so do things like depression and crazy hormones. When I’m having a bad day it doesn’t help me to hear some one tell me: “just be joyful”. As some one who has struggled long and hard with depression, PTSD and extra crazy pregnancy hormones, I know that being told to “suck it up” is never helpful. When I’m feeling down I want to hear from some one who is honest about their struggles, and the ways that they are working through them. Those are the words that let me know that I’m not alone, they let me know that whatever I’m dealing with is just a phase that will soon pass, and it even helps me not to take myself too seriously. I want to encourage other women that they are not alone on this path, and share practical ways to work through the tough realities that we may face in day to day life. That is why I honestly share the ups and downs of my journey with you.
- Because I don’t want to just share my highlights – I love Steve Furtick’s quote “The reason we struggle with insecurity is because we compare our behind-the-scenes with everyone else’s highlight reel”.
Isn’t that so true? It’s so easy to look at our friends lives or the lives of bloggers or pinterest buddies and assume that every one else has it all together. But the truth is, none of us do! Sure, some of us are more crafty than others, and some people have got organization down to a science, but no one is awesome at everything. Only God is perfect, and when we’re honest with ourselves and with other people about our shortcomings, we see His greatness all the clearer, and can showcase it to the world. The fact that He loves an imperfect person like me is absolutely amazing, and I want the world to know the wonders of His grace, NOT the wonders of my faux perfection. - Because I want to share my heart – Let me use my marriage as an example for this one: When he gets home, my husband often asks me how my day was. I always try to answer this question honestly. I don’t slap on a fake smile and just say everything was rainbows and butterflies because this is the “right” answer. No, I share my true feelings, the things I struggled with, the things that made me rejoice. I want him to know me. If I just told him the good parts of my day, he would never be able to rejoice with me when my bad day got better, or share in my utter relief and thanksgiving as God revived my heart after years of depression and PTSD. Sharing my hard times with him has let him know me, and has let him see the beauty of God’s loving kindness as God has worked in my imperfections and shortcoming to His glory. Sharing my fears, my failures and my ugly side allows us to rejoice together when the healing came, and it has brought us closer together. I view this blog in a similar manner. Of course, I will never share my heart with you the way I do with my husband, but I do want to share pieces of myself, parts of my story, so that we can laugh, cry, and praise God for His faithfulness together.
- Because I want to know you – If we only share the positive and perfect sides, we will never truly know each other. And I want to know you. I want to rejoice when you rejoice and be a shoulder when you need to cry. I want to pray with you when you are having a bad day, and tell you that you’re a great mama when you need the reminder. I won’t be superficial, I don’t want you to think I have it all together, because I don’t. But I do know the One who does. And so I keep talking about my imperfections, because it makes His perfection shine all the brighter. It gives us hope, that although we fail daily, His mercies are new every morning. Although we find life in this world to be difficult, He has overcome the world, and we can find joy, although the road is rough, and we may get weary along the way.
Yes, I will keep talking about imperfections, and most importantly, I will keep talking about the One who loves me through those imperfections and gives me grace and strength when I think I can’t make it through another day.
Emily @ My Love for Words says
Yes, please don’t stop talking about imperfections! I’d feel so alone if it seemed like no one else occasionally struggled. Motherhood’s amazing, but nothing worthwhile is ever easy, and sometimes we need to talk (or read) through the hard moments. :)
Erica {let why lead} says
YES! I am all about transparency in blogging and spend a lot of time thinking about how I can better convey my imperfections to my readers. Imperfection is normal (I think it’s key to God’s plan for His children), but our journey toward improvement cannot begin without honesty. Keep it up, girl!
Sarah {She Is Clothed With Strength} says
Our Imperfections are our Story and our Testimony. No imperfections: No story to tell.
Keep up the good work!!!
Heather Hayes says
This is beautiful, Paula. You are definitely an encouragement to me, and I so admire the way you bring glory to God through what you share. <3
Katherine says
Well said. I do see a trend among Christian women to “be real” which usually involves complaining and making excuses for their bad attitude. However, I love the way you use the real parts of your life to highlight your need for forgiveness and God’s grace. I also think there is a big difference between not being super crafty or super organized and being sinful. Being honest about the way our house really looks is different than being honest about our own tendency to lie. One isn’t a big deal, the other is life changing! I think we have to be careful not to lump all “getting real” into the same category.
Anyway, just my two cents. I’ve noticed the idea pop up recently, and I guess I’m just trying to find a middle ground, lol. I think you should keep being open and honest about your struggles and your walk with the Lord. I love reading your blog!
Paula says
I totally agree Katherine! We should not be encouraging each other to sin, or wandering around complaining all the time, but those are very different than being honest about our struggles in an encouraging and uplifting way. I have been told it’s sinful to ever want time away from my kids (like a night out with friends or ANYTHING) or to have a “bad day” . It is comments like those that inspired this post. “complaining” and “honesty” are two different things, and I agree, they shuldn’t be lumped together ;)
Paula says
I totally agree Katherine! We should not be encouraging each other to sin, or wandering around complaining all the time, but those are very different than being honest about our struggles in an encouraging and uplifting way. I have been told it’s sinful to ever want time away from my kids (like a night out with friends or ANYTHING) or to have a “bad day” . It is comments like those that inspired this post. “complaining” and “honesty” are two different things, and I agree, they shouldn’t be lumped together ;)
Stephanie says
People don’t want to read about imperfections because they don’t want to admit that THEY have any. They see themselves in whatever you’ve written, and are threatened by that. Fear is a powerful motivator, and not always in the good way.
I don’t know if you watch Grey’s Anatomy, but I was watching reruns the other night and one of the characters said to take your fear and be inspired by it. I know it’s kind of a cheesy show, but those words really stuck with me. When afraid, take that fear and get inspired.
Heather says
This post is inspiring to me. Ive always been afraid to share the imperfections. I know I do have some really bad days, the kids can drive me up the wall.
Becky @ Your Modern Family says
Paula-
You are such a fantastic Mom and this just seems to prove it. Your heart & soul go into everything that you do- you are real and honest & great! You are always helping to make others feel good about themselves and you do such a great job. Your heart is so great. I”m proud to call you my (really good) friend!!
Shell says
I think it’s unrealistic to ignore the imperfections- we all have them!
Twingle Mommy says
I am so thankful for the people who are willing to speak about their imperfections! Sometimes life is so hard that you just need to know that other people are struggling too so you don’t feel so alone. Besides no one really believes someone who pretends their life is all rainbows and lollipops. They just come off as a phony, I’d rather be real thank you!
Jessica Smartt says
Great post, Paula. I sort of dealt with PTSD also. Thanks for sharing. You’re doing the right thing!
Gabrielle says
As I’ve thought about your post, one phrase keeps coming to mind: “My power is made perfect in weakness…” It’s from 2 Corinthians 12:9: But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. It’s not about complaining or glorifying sin. It’s about sharing in our struggles and our sufferings so that others can see the work that He has done in us. I cannot do any part of this motherhood thing apart from Christ. I’ve got to acknowledge that on my blog instead of pretending my life is perfect.
Elizabeth @ DogFurandDandelions says
I believe we should be open – though not prideful – about our imperfections. Because it’s through our weaknesses that Christ’s strength is most magnified! And through our brokenness that God’s glory most brightly shines. Thanks for an encouraging post – found you at Thrive@Home.
Susan says
Love this!!
Susan says
Another blessing of honesty is that it helps us to stay humble. It’s hard to get too puffed up about yourself when you allow people to see your struggles. Thank you for this encouraging post!
Elisabeth says
Wow, I can’t believe anyone would be critical of your willingness to open yourself up and let others in… as a nurse, I 100% agree with your assessment that it is important to share reality and not just fake smiles and pretenses.
For example, I don’t get anywhere doing breastfeeding education with a young/new mom who is frustrated if she thinks I’ve never had any struggles. When I can sit down and open up about how hard one of my kids (#6 of all the weird things!) was to get started on breastfeeding but how wonderful it turned out to be, they realize I’m not just blowing sunshine at them… I get it. I get their struggle and their fear and their frustration because I have lived it.
Tara says
Paula. please don’t ever stop sharing your heart. Someone needs to read exactly what you have written, even if others don’t, write for the silent reader if you have to the one who is crying at no longer feeling alone but cannot find the words to say thank you. I appreciate imperfect bloggers. I am one of them. Have a blessed weekend. Tara.
Mummy Tries says
This is a fab post and so true. I find that I’m only able to have a very superficial relationship with someone only willing to share the best bits of their lives, and never become proper friends with them. Bloggers too, if it’s all life through rose coloured glasses I tend to not bother reading their posts.
Found you on Mums Make Lists – empty your archive #19
Jeanie McMahon says
Great posting, so glad I found it pinned on pinterest! God came to save the sinner, and works through our insecurities when we step out in faith. Look at Moses, he was a stutterer, yet God used him to speak to Kings and be a leader, when Moses would have rather been quietly alone. Look at Jonah, he didn’t want to speak to Niviah, he said who is going to listen to me, they will kill me, I might as well be dead- talk about depression. So instead he went thru all that spit up whale guts just to have to do it anyway and immediately Niviah repented. The bible is full of sinners being used by God just where they are. I remember the first time I realized, after being born again, that I was not the only sinner in the church that Jesus had saved. God uses all kinds of people , including clinically depressed,fibromyalgia me, to shine His light through our less than perfect character traits. Thank God, we do not have to ever be perfect; we should just try to be real and thankful in everythijng.
mommies trying says
i’m so glad you’re stating the truth! i cannot stand hearing someone say “suck it up”, it’s hurtful but i don’t think they realize that it is. :(
Laura says
I 100% agree with sharing your faults. I was listening to a lesson given during a women’s class at church recently about how we can support and strengthen each other. One after another ladies were sharing how they were silently struggling at some point in their life and God was able to see those struggles and inspire another lady to reach out and help without knowing why. Of course this is a wonderful and great blessing from our all knowing God. Yet, the thing that struck me was this: It is a HUGE disservice we (meaning women but probably men too) are doing to ourselves by putting on a “brave” face and pretending we have everything together and don’t ever struggle with all this tricky mortal stuff. The results of doing so are the following: (1) Other people who view us as perfect can feel bad about their lack of perfection, (2) We suffer from trying to hide our struggles while silently pleading for help, (3) We make it extremely difficult to get help when we pretend that we don’t need it. Short of inspiration from God, how are others supposed to be able to help us when we don’t tell them that we need that help? Frankly, it’s ridiculous and sad to act like everything is perfect and wonderful when it’s not. It is ok and normal to have a hard time with different things in life. Life is about overcoming challenges and being strengthened and perfected through Christ.
roblox hydrogen says
It can be difficult to share our vulnerabilities with others, especially when we feel like we’re already judged or inadequate.