One thing hubby and I have started doing for each other lately is planning intentional “time off” for one another. At least every other weekend we try to make sure we each get some time to ourselves. It has been so helpful for both of us, greatly reducing our stress levels. As any parent knows even a “day off” isn’t really as long as the kiddos are there. You are constantly “on call” with your kiddos and watching over them, helping them etc. “Restful” days involve work, it’s just a fact of parenthood ;)
After we figured this out we started watching out for each other a bit more and making sure we each got time to rest away from home, responsibilities and kiddos ;)
Hubby usually spends his time kayaking. He loves being outside, and since I got him a kayaking for his birthday he has been going out on the lake once or twice a month. It is a physically tiring way to spend his time, but it’s something he really enjoys. The hard part of this for me is that when he’s gone it makes the weekend feel like every other day of the week. Another day with me and Little Man at home by ourselves :/ bummer. But, it is is worth it to me. I know he needs that time away, and that it is important for him to be able to get out and rest too!
It is hard to keep in perspective that while I’m home with Little Man every day, (feeling trapped at home sometimes) he is working hard at work and is in need of a break free from responsibility as much as I am! Even though playing with and taking care of Little Man is a change of scenery from his normal job, it is still work, and it gets tiring work, work, working all the time!!! Like i said, it can be quite a sacrifice for me to let him go, but I try to have a good attitude about it. It’s no good if he comes home and I’m in a mood because he hasn’t been home all day. So as hard as it is, I know it is good for us.
The great thing is I get a turn too! I don’t choose to spend my time kayaking but instead I prefer to go to Starbucks, drink something yummy and write!!! Whenever I go I usually get 3 or 4 blog posts written and then I save them up and post them throughout the week when I don’t have as much time to write. It’s nice having posts ready to go so I don’t have to get frustrated when I don’t have as much time to write during the week as I would like to.
I know it’s a sacrifice for my hubby to let me go for a few hours while he takes over Little Man duties. but it is worth it to him because he knows I need it.
I remember once reading something about moms shouldn’t need time off. The author was saying that it is our God-given duty to work and care for our families and we shouldn’t need to take a break from that. I don’t agree. Maybe in a perfect world I wouldn’t need time away, but the fact of the matter is I do, and hubby does too! We both need time to ourselves, and time to totally relax. It’s true that I get some time to myself every day as little man naps, but it’s a different feeling knowing that he could wake up and need me any second. I love the feeling of freedom I get from being out of the house without my kiddo. I feel like I can truly relax, think and be creative because no one is depending on me for these few hours.
Giving each other time off has really helped our marriage. We are both more patient with each other and with Little Man when we have had time to rest and relax. We do date nights and take time to relax together too, which I think is essential to our marriage as well. But, individual rest time has been a true blessing and is a wonderful gift to give each other.
When I view it as a gift to my hubby it feels less like a sacrifice and more like something special for my man because I love him. I’m not sure if he views my rest time as the same, but I do know he always greets it with a good attitude, and he even suggests I go to Starbucks etc. when he knows I’ve had a rough day with Little Man.
What about you? Do you and your hubby give each other time off? Is it something you find yourself needing or not so much?
If you don’t currently have something like this in place I would encourage you to talk with your spouse about it and figure out how you can help each other have intentional “rest/fun” time. It’s a wonderful thing! It may look different for different people/personalities but I think resting is important and extremely helpful! I know I’m a better mommy when I’ve had my rest!
Jaclyn says
I think the way you choose to spend your alone time is a smart one, for a blogger!
futurehope says
Thanks! i enjoy it :)
Jen Ferguson says
I agree — moms totally need a break, too. There is a Sabbath calling for all of us!
futurehope says
:) true
Alicia says
I think WISE MOMS acknowledge their need for time off. Even Jesus slipped away to be alone with His Father. I love the way you and your hubby are blessing each other with the gift of rest! Wish I’d been that gracious toward my man when we started this parenthood journey. Now five kids in and fourteen years later, we have definitely realized the value of gifting each other with time to be restored and re-engergized. Glad I dropped in from Jen’s today. Blessings from a mom in Iowa!
futurehope says
thanks for stopping by! glad you are able to give each other rest now <3 It's amazing how helpful it can be!!!
Denise says
You do deserve a break.
futurehope says
thanks :)
Keri at Growing in His Glory says
My husband and I have been doing this too lately. We recently added a new little girl to the sea of girls, so he knows come the weekend, Mama needs a break. He is very thoughtful and I usually go to Starbucks to write too! How funny!
What I need to work on is remembering that he needs a break too. I just assume that he wants to be with the girls, but he needs to be alone and have fun too.
Thanks for the reminder. I’m a new follower from Lessons from Ivy.
futurehope says
How cool that we both go to starbucks :) it’s the place to be I guess :P
I didn’t really realize at first that he needed a break, but it is important! I know how much “work” the kiddos are first hand, and even though he wants to spend time with them when he’s “off” I think it’s important to keep in mind that he NEEDS time to get to just hang out and do whatever he likes to do too.
glad to have you here! :) looking forward to connecting with you more :)
Judith says
You have a good attitude about your husband’s time with the kayak. Over the years, my husband has gone scuba diving, fished, and hunted. I decided before we had children not to have an attitude about the things he did. He has also taken me canoeing and as the children got older he took them too and had a special time with them. In time, you Little Man will likely enjoy being with daddy.
I agree that having time alone is important when your children are growing. Time also spent alone with your hubby. You are a wise lady!! And, this is the second time I have hopped over to your blog and it is really a sweet place. Keep writing!!
futurehope says
thanks so much for the encouragement! oooh I can’t wait til my Little Man is old enough to go on adventures with daddy. Hubby is already talking about taking him camping etc. when he’s older. They are gonna have so much fun together! warms my heart just thinking about it :)
Thanks again so much for the encouragement and for stopping by (twice)!
The Mommy Therapy says
I think time off is essential and taking a trip to Starbucks to write sounds amazing! Great idea.
I have three little kids and I go bananas most of the time feeling like I am trapped here with them. I recently started working one day a week at a friend’s jewelry company so that I could get out of the house and do something completely unrelated to my role as a Mom. It actually costs me money to work since I pay the babysitter more than I make, but it’s worth every moment!
Stopping by from PYHO!
futurehope says
awww I’m glad you found a “break time” even if it is work! Starbucks is wonderful. Even if it’s just a few hours after the little man is in bed its still great to get OUT. :)
Twingle Mommy says
I take time off from my family and my in laws think it’s the most horrible thing in the world. To my MIL and SIL, moms don’t ever leave their kids. That doesn’t work for me. I’m a better mom after a few hours or even days (I’ve left for the weekend twice) away from my family. I come back relaxed and so happy to see them. My husband takes some time for himself too. We both need it.
futurehope says
This comment has been removed by the author.
futurehope says
awww I’m so sorry your In laws don’t support that you take time off :(
Glad that your hubby does at least and you are able to support each other in that way. It is really so important!!!
Shell says
Hubs plays softball/soccer(depending on the season) and has an almost-weekly guys’ poker game. I don’t get my time quite as regularly, but I get trips away every now and then. Those breaks are great!
futurehope says
Wow your hubby sounds super athletic!
Glad you get some time in too. Hubby and I just try to keep the lines of communication open, and I will tell him a bit in advance if I’m going to be wanting some time to myself etc. so we can both be planning on it. It works well for us! hopefully you can find something that works well for you guys too :)
Sherri Davidson says
Time to recharge is the one of the best things you can do for your family.
Sometimes time alone just to be with your thoughts is such a wonderful thing.
One of my favorite things to do with hubby is go quadding. I can disconnect and just enjoy the scenery.
futurehope says
ok, what is quadding? I’ve never heard of it! :)
I agree time to recharge yourself is like a gift to your family. That’s a great way of phrasing it!!! :)
homekeepingtheadventure says
Hi! I found your link over at Company Girls. My hubby and I do this too; I thought we were the only ones! It is really good for both of us to get some time away every so often. In fact, he is out hiking today :) Anyway, I really liked your post, and I think you have a good attitude about sharing “off-time” with your hubby.
futurehope says
fun! that’s so cool that you do it too! oooh hiking sounds nice. That’s what my hubby would do if we didn’t live in flat texas!!! :)
Michelle says
As a parent with special needs chldren we are encouraged to seek “time out” and call it respite. It has taken me some time to actually feel good about it but I feel so refreshed when I do. I’ve taken this time to look at our local boutiques and thirft shops. I have hung out at our local bakery and caught up on bible studies. Being refreshed isn’t something we should feel bad about doing, but something that is rewarding to our families.
futurehope says
It is hard at first not to feel guilty about it! that’s part of why I wrote this post. It’s like we think we just need to keep going going going and constantly giving, and that is just not practical. Like I said, maybe in a perfect world we wouldn’t need it, but we do!
thrift store shopping sounds fun! so does a bakery & biblestudy! :) Glad you are able to find time to do those things for you and your family!!!
thanks for stopping by!
Danielle Zigmont says
I’ve heard that before as well, that contention “you don’t need time off from being a mom”. It’s so cool to see you and your hubby sacrificing for each other this way….I think we get into trouble when we feel like we’re ENTITLED to time alone, instead of looking at it like a blessing when it happens! What a gift you’re giving to one another and your family by choosing to spend some time ‘recharging’!
Danielle
organizationalhysteria.com
futurehope says
That’s a good point. We shouldn’t feel entitled to it, BUT we shouldn’t feel guilty for it either… very well put Danielle!
thanks for stopping by and sharing!!! :)
futurehope says
so true!
checking out your link! thanks for sharing!!!
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