Pregnancy is awkward. Your body changes in every possible way and sometimes it’s not exactly stuff that makes you want to call up all your girlfriends to see if they went through the same thing.
But the internet is here, and gives us boldness to share what otherwise would remain hilariously untold woes of pregnancy awkwardness. I’m excited to share some of my craziest pregnancy moments and memories. This conversation has been sponsored by Poise.
So here it is my friends, just a few of the awkward things no one tells you about pregnancy.
Your search history gets weird – Instead of “what should I cook for dinner” suddenly things are popping up like “how far apart contractions should be for labor”, “is (fill in the blank, pain) normal” and “what is a cervix”. Let’s just say you’ll want to clear your searches after every use for the duration of your pregnancy.
There’s another way to do ultrasounds – If there’s a need to do an ultrasound in your first trimester, you might discover, as I did, that there’s a way of doing them that doesn’t involve your cute little belly. Nope, this method involves something that looks like an, um private toy, and they shove it right on up there and take a look around. Of all the things I’d like to forget and never speak of, this is nigh to the very top of the list.
The belly size is never right – When you’re expecting, you’ll feel like you’re VERY OBVIOUSLY PREGNANT long before any one else can tell that you didn’t just eat an extra large burrito for lunch. Eventually that passes and there will be no doubting you are with child. That lasts a few wonderful months, and then you have the baby and you discover that you’ll still look pregnant long after baby has left your belly. Yay?
You’ll hate answering “how are you feeling?” – The honest answer to that is is only “super!” for approximately 9 minutes in the second trimester. For the rest of the pregnancy it’s likely “like crap, thank you for asking”, but for some reason people don’t seem appreciate that answer.
Modesty is no longer a thing – Sometime around your 3rd prenatal examination, modesty just stops being a thing you worry about. You just want the doctor to get in there, get things done and get it out. It’s no longer awkward, just annoying. And birth only reinforces this. I couldn’t tell you how many humans I’ve never met were present for the most vulnerable and most painful moment of my life as a birthed my kids. No idea any of their names or what their hospital-function was in my birthing room, but they were there, and I couldn’t have cared less.
Sneezing is dangerous, possibly forever – So there’s this thing. called LBL. I had no idea it was a thing, but hello light bladder leakage, welcome to my life. This friend arrived in the 3rd trimester and didn’t leave until a few months after baby is born. I’m told I’m not alone though, because 1 in 3 women have LBL. Thankfully, Poise has us covered, with their Thin-Shape Light Absorbency pads.
They are small and discreet enough to wear everyday if you need them. Period pads are way to huge and heavy for LBL needs. Just grab these and you’ll be set, so you can seize your Poise moment and not have to worry about light bladder leakage during or even after pregnancy. Sneezing can stop striking fear in your heart, because you know you’re covered.
Your feet disappear and there’s no way to shave your legs – I don’t even know. How do you shave your legs while pregnant? Sure, the bottom half is fine, but the upper thigh? Not. Happening. Sorry to every one in the birthing room. Just, sorry.
You’ll like maternity pants more than you should – This one feels more awkward than it is. The truth is, we all have a pair of maternity pants we secretly wear all the time. Maybe more than one. The elastic you guys. The elastic. So, glorious.
So if the internet has made you bold, fess up to your most embarrassing pregnancy or postpartum moment in the comments! Then, stock up on Poise, because we all know we need it post-babies.