I am almost embarrassed to say that my daughter loves the color pink. That she gravitates towards baby dolls and fluffy animals while my son prefers trucks and (toy) power tools.
In a day and age where parents are becoming more aware of gender bias, imposed gender roles and the like, I almost feel like a sheeple for painting my son’s room blue and my daughter’s pink.
I don’t want to limit them, I don’t want them confined to a stereotype. But then, what happens when my son really does love blue and my daughter adores the color pink? When the stereotypes end up ringing true for my kids.
I had a small identity crises. That’s what happens. I didn’t want to be seen as a mom forcing stereotypes on her kids. Making sure that my little ones follow in the footsteps society has laid out for them, instead of letting them explore on their own.
Somewhere in my worries I realized that if I let this fear affect my parenting decisions then it’s no longer about my kids and giving them freedom and it becomes me restricting them so that I can look “with it” as a mom. The exact opposite of what matters and what I believe as a parent.
So I’ve decided to stop worry about it. Because fighting gender stereotypes isn’t about doing the opposite of the stereotype, it’s about giving children the freedom to choose their own favorite colors, and shows, and clothing. It’s not shaming them for their choices and not limiting them either.
Sometimes it means the boys are in blue and the girls are in pink. Other times, it means the opposite.
My son doesn’t have to be the poster child for “boys can wear pink too”. If he likes pink today, we go with it, and when he prefers blue or green or black, we roll with that too.
I try to remember that they are just colors, and I want my kids to be free to choose what they want and what they like, whether it is stereotypical or counter cultural. I want them growing up respecting people who have made all different types of life choices and who enjoy all the colors of the rainbow, regardless of their personal preferences. And when they are ages 3 and 2, that conversation starts with colors – we will work our way up from there.
In the end, I’m not raising my kids to be counter-cultural in their every day preferences, I’m raising them to be who they are, whomever that may be.
Melissa says
My two oldest are completely, totally, the epitome of every sterotype there is about gender. She likes pink, fairies, dancing, reading, and writing. He likes trucks, rocks, ninjas and kicks butt in math at school. But my youngest daughter is a complete blend, her favorite color is blue, she’d rather be read to than play a video game, loves climbing trees and wearing dresses. They are just who they are – right from the beginning.
Davonne Parks says
I so agree with this! I have one who loves trucks and dirt and soccer and video games. But she also loves dresses and pink and sparkles and nail polish.
While I wouldn’t let her play on an organized football team (for safety reasons) or wear boys clothes, I love allowing her to choose her own likes and dislikes. My husband and I encourage her to embrace her femininity but we also encourage her to run fast and play hard!
And our other daughter, who’s a 100% girly-girl? We love that too!
Skye says
My seven year old son loves Legos, ninjas, monsters… and anything sparkly, kittycats, and he has long hair. We just have to give them enough freedom to find whatever combo is really them! And then be comfortable when it changes over time.