Contentment. One seemingly innocent word, but it is such a struggle for me.
|photo credit – time warp wife|
Recently I’ve found myself being discontent. I’ve been struggling with it for several months now, but hadn’t realized that it was a problem until recently.
You see, I’m not discontent with something because of my own desires, but it is for my children. I just want my kids to be happy and to be able to enjoy something that they “deserve” what’s so wrong about that? For months I have been able to disguise my sin in this way, and continue in it.
My predicament is this, I desperately want to be in a house . We are a family of four, and we live in a 2 bedroom, 3rd story apartment. Yes, the stairs are a pain (though nothing compared to how bad they were when I was pregnant/in labor) and yes it is a challenge getting groceries and 2 kids up a couple of flights of stairs, and yes I would like another bedroom.
All those things are part of the discontentment, but honestly, more than anything, I just want a yard for the kids. I want them to be able to easily and safely play outside. Is that so wrong? No. But the discontentment is. The desire for a house is not in and of itself sinful, but not being able to be happy with where we are is! Feeling like my kids “deserve more” is very wrong, and definitely not what I want to be teaching them at such a young age (or ever)!
It took me a long time to realize my discontentment because I had convinced myself it was okay because it was on behalf of my kids…sigh. the lies we tell ourselves to continue in sin!
Sure, there is nothing wrong with wanting something for your kids, that’s natural, normal and even healthy a majority of the time! Where I was going wrong was, in all my desire for a house for my kids I became discontent with the home God has blessed us with.
The same week I began coming to this realization my son, out of “nowhere” started thanking God every night for our house. Every. Single. Night.
Me: What do you want to thank God for tonight Little Man?
Little Man: “our house” (among other things mentioned)
And every night as he does this, I’m reminded to be thankful.
Yes, I still long for the day we have a house and a yard to play in, the difference is, now I am grateful for the home we’ve been blessed with.
Grateful for the roof over our heads, thankful to be in a nice part of town, and near a park. Happy that we have 2 bedrooms so we don’t have to share our room with both kiddos. Thankful that we’ve been blessed with a kitchen, running water, and a Washer/Dryer in our apartment.
We may still have a few years to wait until we’re in a house. But until then, I am working on being content where God has us, and remembering that he loves my kids more than I ever could, so I can’t use them as a crutch to continue in my discontent!
I am endeavoring to be content and joyful where we are and to teach my children contentment, instead of entitlement.
Hebrews 13:5 b