Contentment. One seemingly innocent word, but it is such a struggle for me.
 |
| photo credit – time warp wife |
Recently I’ve found myself being discontent. I’ve been struggling with it for several months now, but hadn’t realized that it was a problem until recently.
You see, I’m not discontent with something because of my own desires, but it is for my children. I just want my kids to be happy and to be able to enjoy something that they “deserve” what’s so wrong about that? For months I have been able to disguise my sin in this way, and continue in it.
My predicament is this, I desperately want to be in a house . We are a family of four, and we live in a 2 bedroom, 3rd story apartment. Yes, the stairs are a pain (though nothing compared to how bad they were when I was pregnant/in labor) and yes it is a challenge getting groceries and 2 kids up a couple of flights of stairs, and yes I would like another bedroom.
All those things are part of the discontentment, but honestly, more than anything, I just want a yard for the kids. I want them to be able to easily and safely play outside. Is that so wrong? No. But the discontentment is. The desire for a house is not in and of itself sinful, but not being able to be happy with where we are is! Feeling like my kids “deserve more” is very wrong, and definitely not what I want to be teaching them at such a young age (or ever)!
It took me a long time to realize my discontentment because I had convinced myself it was okay because it was on behalf of my kids…sigh. the lies we tell ourselves to continue in sin!
Sure, there is nothing wrong with wanting something for your kids, that’s natural, normal and even healthy a majority of the time! Where I was going wrong was, in all my desire for a house for my kids I became discontent with the home God has blessed us with.
The same week I began coming to this realization my son, out of “nowhere” started thanking God every night for our house. Every. Single. Night.
Me: What do you want to thank God for tonight Little Man?
Little Man: “our house” (among other things mentioned)
And every night as he does this, I’m reminded to be thankful.
Yes, I still long for the day we have a house and a yard to play in, the difference is, now I am grateful for the home we’ve been blessed with.
Grateful for the roof over our heads, thankful to be in a nice part of town, and near a park. Happy that we have 2 bedrooms so we don’t have to share our room with both kiddos. Thankful that we’ve been blessed with a kitchen, running water, and a Washer/Dryer in our apartment.
We may still have a few years to wait until we’re in a house. But until then, I am working on being content where God has us, and remembering that he loves my kids more than I ever could, so I can’t use them as a crutch to continue in my discontent!
I am endeavoring to be content and joyful where we are and to teach my children contentment, instead of entitlement.
Hebrews 13:5 b
“be content with what you have, for he has said, “I will never leave you nor forsake you.””
To read more posts in the “confessions of an imperfect motherhood series” click on the image below!
Amanda says
Thanks for this post, and for your honesty. I learn a lot from you and really enjoy this Confessions series. Our family of 4 lives in an apartment too, waiting until we can afford a house. Thank you for reminding me to be content and focus on my blessings instead of the things I don’t have.
Lori @ EncourageYourSpouse.com says
It’s so interesting that you’re covering this topic. Being ‘content’ is a consistent battle for me. Either I’m looking back, or looking forward. (sigh)
The best antidote to this challenge, for me, is to keep a daily gratitude journal, and actively post what I’m giving thanks for. I’ve downloaded an iPhone app (Gratitude 365) that makes this fun.
Thanks for the insights – and for sharing.
Kathryn (SingingThrough the Rain) says
I love this. I struggle with this too, I think we all do at some point. I love that your son did that, that is just so sweet for him to thank God for that. :)
Lori says
I love it when we win these battles! I’ve learned to begin every day by intentionally thanking God (for good and not-so-good) things. When I begin to list them, I am so humbled at his goodness to me that I often no longer have a desire to grumble and complain.Visiting from Be Not Weary for the first time, and glad I did :)
Ashley Ditto says
I really needed this! Blessings to you!
Dionne says
Such a good reminder to be thankful for what you have and to quit looking at what you don’t have…something I am beginning to conquer one day at a time. Emphasis on beginning. Entitlement is certainly the big lie isn’t it? It isn’t about geesh it could be worse attitudes, but just simply being grateful. Great post. Love your confessions of honesty.
Brooke @ Covered in Grace says
Dionne!!!! =D
Brooke @ Covered in Grace says
Hey Paula,
Thank you so much for linking up this week. I love this post. It’s hard sometimes to always remain in a sate of thankfulness. But I think if we keep bringing out emotions and feelings to God, he’s going to help us work through it.
I love how he uses even “the least of these”…our kiddos… to remind us of his love and grace.
P.S. Thanks for rocking the Year in Review button! Can’t wait
Genevieve Thul says
Nothing like being convicted straight from the mouth of babes, right?!!! Happens to me all the time! (stopping over from A Pause on the Path)
Shell says
Funny how kids can help us see things clearly.
Laura Boggess says
Such a good reminder, my friend. Discontent seems to me like a cancer–it can spread quickly if unchecked for long! You are a very wise woman.
lori mcclure says
What a sweet little one you have! I think we’ve all learned something from him :)
Adrienne says
Awww! We have so much to learn from our kids, don’t we? Beautiful post! Stopped by from Shell’s place.
Aprille says
UGH this one got to me. We have been in an 1100 square foot house for the last 3 1/2 years, but with my husband’s job changing, moving to a new state, and most likely taking a significant pay cut, going forward we are looking to downsize back into an apartment or a smaller house. I’m sort of dreading it but I know God will provide space for us, and contentment.
Paula says
awww will be praying it all goes smoothly for you! One positive thing about small living-space is it keeps you from hoarding things you don’t need! I’m constantly going through things and purging what we don’t use! lol