I am so excited to introduce you all to Aprille today. She blogs over at Beautiful in His Time, and she has a little boy a few months older than my Little Man. She’s joining us today for the “confessions of an imperfect mother” series. Aprille is sharing a very relatable post today, about not getting dressed up every day when she’s home caring for her young son. I can definitely identify with this post, and really appreciated her honesty. Like Aprille, I love to get all dolled up to go out, but save my nice clothes for when I’m out of the house (and away from sticky fingers!) What about you? she asks a couple questions at the end of this post, so be sure to read to the bottom and weigh in yourself! we would both love to hear from you!!! But enough from me…Here’s Aprille:
It seems that there is a trend in the blogosphere, especially among mothers…and this trend goes something like this:
“Dress for success” or “Dress for the day you want to have” or “Get out of the pajamas, you will have a much more productive day if you do!”
The premise behind this trend assumes that moms who wear pajamas or “frumpy” clothes are unmotivated to work, feel bad about themselves, and have a tendency to be lazy. Instead of wearing frumpy clothes, women are encouraged to get up early, get dressed, put on makeup, feel better about themselves and thus have more productive days. (Bonus points for posting cute outfits with accompanying accessories and cute hairsyles in a weekly “What I Wore” feature on your blog.)
I’m so glad for the moms out there who can don heels and makeup and magically feel better and be more productive. But this is one of those trends that I look at and say, “That’s great! But it’s just not for me.”
And so, this imperfect mother’s confession: I wear pajamas or cotton pants most of the time I am home.
Maybe it’s just because I have a toddler. But I just don’t feel like I can be myself when I’m wearing a nice outfit at home. Throughout my days I change the poopy diaper of my squirmy son. I often get huge hugs and kisses by a child who is covered in yogurt, fruit, buttery crumbs from toast and sticky apple juice. I have, on more than one occasion, had to rescue a kicking and screaming child who is covered in muddy water from the mud puddle that he insisted on splashing in. It’s not out of the ordinary for me to realize that I have another human being snot on my shoulder. In fact, I think that happend to me twice last week. And don’t get me started on my own klutziness and lack of coordination that has me spilling my coffee down the front of my shirt at least once a week, and somehow gets more water on myself than the dishes I’m trying to wash.
Even aprons haven’t been able to save my clothes.
So the idea of wearing a cute outfit, nice jeans, and a trendy scarf around my house just seems ridiculously impractical.
Then there is the sensory and comfort aspect of it all. I like wearing nice-fitting jeans or a skirt when I head out to Bible study or MOPS, but the moment I get home and sit down on my couch to check email, or I bend over to pick up toys for the fifteenth time, the waistband of my outfit crushes against my leftover baby pooch and my skin crawls with irritation. I can’t get it off fast enough. I’m learning to like wearing scarves out to functions, but after awhile once I’m home and trying to work on dishes and laundry, I’m tired of the ends swinging in front of me and making sure I don’t feel like I’m choking again.
And then there is hair and makeup. My son loves my hair. Which is awesome. But if my hair is down, his crummy, sticky hands are in it. Playing with it, pulling it twisting it and tangling it. And so, even if it WAS done nicely, it’s not really anymore. Not to mention the pain factor! And makeup? Well, it just seems pointless when I’ve already ditched the cute outfit and the cute hair.
I dress up to go out. Some nice jeans, a relatively nice top, and tennis shoes or flip flops. On Sundays, I take it a step further and wear a skirt or dress, nice shoes, panty hoes, and curl my hair and wear makeup. But the moment I walk in the door after being out, I make a beeline for the pajama drawer and pull out a t-shirt that is already covered in stains and a comfortable pair of pajama or cotton pants. I throw my hair in a pony tail, and breathe a deep sigh of relief.
And I like it that way. In a comfortable outfit that I don’t mind getting dirty and my hair pulled back, I’m read to get to work on whatever house cleaning, poopy-diaper changing, sticky-fingered-child rocking, dishwashing, or floor scrubbing needs to be done.
Motherhood is messy. And so I don’t dress for success. I dress for the mess.
And I give hugs in a abundance, because it doesn’t matter if I get yogurt or snot on my shirt. I do the dishes and laugh at myself for splashing dirty greasy water on my shirt yet again, instead of crying that I’ve ruined my favorite cute top.
And when I do get a break, I sit down on the couch with a cup of coffee and my Facebook account and just enjoy being me.
So, what about you? Are you a heels, scarves, earrings and makeup sort of gal? If so, how in the world do you keep your clothes from being ruined and your hair in place when you have little ones? (I’m not asking in judgment–I really want to know!)
Or are you like me, and just breathed a big sigh of relief that you are not the only mother who lives in pajamas…
Aprille is a young wife and mother. She enjoys playing the piano, photography, spending time with her husband and son, blogging, Facebook, and drinking lots of coffee. She blogs at Beautiful in His Time where she shares her personal chronicle of finding God’s beauty in the messes of her life: her marriage, her mothering, and her relationship with Him!
You can also find Aprille on Facebook Twitter and Pinterest.
Interested in more “confessions of an imperfect mother? You can read more about the series and find links to all the posts that have been written for the series thus far by clicking the image below. Got a confession of your own? click here to read more about guest-posting and submitting a “confession” post of your own!
melissa bennett says
“Motherhood is messy. And so I don’t dress for success. I dress for the mess” I love that!
I, myself am a little bi-polar about this issue. Somedays, I feel fine doing my motherly duties in my sweats and t-shirts. Other days, I feel really embarrassed about it. I at least try and get my hair out of my way (in a braid) and put on some jeans. It is a pretty good compromise for me. It is nice to hear someone taking a little pressure off though. It seems like women these days are supposed to conquer the world all without breaking a sweat in a feminine outfit complete with flowing skirt ,curled hair, lipstick and four inch heels.
I can conquer the world, or I can look cute. Doing both at the same time seems quite unnecessary.
Aprille says
I love the last sentence of your comment! Sometimes I feel like women who dress up every day are just figuring into the whole “supermom” ideal… I am sure it works for them and all, but I agree that it just seems unnecessary.
Paula says
I think for some it might be the “supermom” ideal, but for others I would guess that they are really “girly” girls to begin with and that’s part of how they are not “losing themselves” because they have kiddos.. Just my guess, but I’ve never been huge on dressing up unless I had somewhere to go, so that’s reflected in my parenting as well. Just a though ;)
Paula says
I’m usually in the middle like you melissa. Mainly because my PJ pants don’t have pockets, so I’m typically in jeans. But I have different jeans for around the house than the ones I wear out ;)
“doing both at the same time seems unnecessary” love it!
Elizabeth @ DogFurandDandelions says
I’m not a mom, but I am a SAHW who deals with chronic health issues, and rarely has the energy to “dress for success.” So I loved this post! Thanks for letting me know that I don’t have to live up to those ideals, if and when we ever have kids. ;)
Visiting from Grace Laced Mondays.
Paula says
so glad this post was an encouragement to you! :D
Jan @ Another Hatchett Job says
I am very similar to you in this area. I am often in jeans or something soft knit around the house, especially in cool weather. I am dressed well enough for drop in visitors (modest) but comfortable for canning, homeschooling, sewing, whatever comes my way. I definitely dress for the happy mess of being a stay at home mom!
Found you through the Modest Mom Blog link up!
Kristin Kraabel says
I work full time now (and have to find ways to dress for an office everyday), but when I was a stay at home Mom I did get dressed up in the morning, did hair and threw on some mascara. Now I wasn’t wearing skirts, but I did find for me that if I stayed in my pj’s or put sweats on I lounged. If I got up, put on an outfit (even if it was jeans/shirt/sweater) that my day was much more productive. My hair was often in a pony tale and just mascara was good enough. My kids did get stuff on me and I layed on the ground playing often, but I just washed the clothes. Like I said this is what worked for me. I would have LOVED to be in my favorite sweats, but I just didn’t get anything done.
Aprille says
But how do your clothes not get STAINED? That’s the part I haven’t figured out!
Kristin Kraabel says
I asked lots of people way smarter than me :) Treating the stain right away. That washing bar in the laundry isle that starts with an N is a great stain remover, just wet the cloths and rub on. Don’t put it in the wash unless the stain is out (my biggest problem, I just figure oh the wash with scrub it. ha!), if I take a few extra minutes to scrub it comes out. Hydrogen Proxide is my main tool! I keep a huge jug of it in the laundry area. It take out even dried blood as it raises the stain and then you can scrub it. It take out blueberry stains too (we get lots of those when picking blueberries). The biggest thing I learned was scrubbing it right away and I always had wet wash rags around to grab little hands when eating. It wasn’t perfect, but it worked. I also got my clothes at thrift stores so if it did get crazy stained i just cut it up and used it for something else.
Aprille says
Ooh those are some great tips! thanks so much for sharing! I am horrible at not realizing my clothes have stains on them until after the fact. :(
Paula says
those are some fantastic tips!!! thank you so much Kristin!!!! :D and thanks for sharing your view on it! It’s always interesting to hear what works for different people! I’m hoping to be able to dress better at least when my hubby comes home from work, after the baby is a bit older, but there’s no way I’m attempting it yet :P I’m constantly covered in yuck (spit up or baby food)! lol
Chaunie says
Loved this! I have written about this topic on my blog, and I definitely agree with you. There are days I’m perfectly cool in my yoga pants, because it’s ridiculous to try to do some of the work we do in dress clothes, but other days? A girl’s gotta get out of the jammies. I love the attitude you have though, I need to stop apologizing for who I am!
Paula says
Glad it encouraged you Chaunie! thanks for commenting and for sharing it (I saw your post on FB about it!)! <3
Maria says
I wish I could wear my pj’s to work!!! I’ve never been a stay at home mom but oh how I wish I could’ve been. I love pj’s!!! I wear the heels, the skirts, scarfs and earrings on the outside but my insides and my feet SCREAM pj’s and slippers everyday! On the weekends I do enjoy my jeans and Target cotton t-shirts. I have two boys that, sneeze, step and climb all over me and occasionally wipe their hands on me so I wish for comfy clothes (pj’s) everyday!
Amanda says
Amen to this post! I’m definitely a comfy-clothes-at-home type of SAHM. I dress nice to go to Bible Study or church, or when hubby and I get to go on a date, but at home it’s T-shirts and yoga pants. I’ve actually tried the “dress for success” thing before and it didn’t work for me at all. I was less willing to play with my kids and clean the house for fear of ruining my nice clothes.
Thanks for being so refreshingly honest. It’s nice to read.
Ashley Ditto says
LOVED this post! I am nodding my head through all of it! :)
Suzanne says
I completely understand where you’re coming from. After 21 years of being a stay-at-home-mom, I have found what works best for me. I get dressed in something that’s both comfortable and presentable – something that I can dash out in or run to the grocery in and not be embarrassed. Being a mom is very dirty work. I have a huge oil stain on my shirt today from making pumpkin bread.
Alana @ The Bliss Diaries says
If you were to stop by my house on any given day, you’d find me in a t-shirt and jeans… If I’m leaving the house, I will throw on a scarf or earrings. So, it’s kind of a happy medium between the whole get-fully-dressed-including-heels camp and the wearing-pajamas-daily camp. I definitely feel this is one of those personal preference things.
Mikah says
Though I do try to dress and look cute most days (or at least by the time my husband gets home from work), some days it’s just last on my list, especially when I have a rare day with no errands, Bible studies, etc. As far as keeping my clothes clean, I wear a thick apron and try to pay attention when I do the laundry – but I still have a few stains. My sister-in-law and I joke about saving up for the wardrobe/brands we love when our children are grown and mostly out of the house (and we should have the extra pounds off by then too, right?). :)
Jen Ferguson says
I live in yoga pants. But as my children have grown older, I have found that I have more occasions to NOT wear yoga pants. But I love comfort and the feeling that no matter what I wear, I can be at home with myself.
Suanna says
I understand what you are saying. I have days where I dress for the success of being messy. I got tired of that though and more often than not I wear I “nice” pair of knit pants or a pair of jeans and sometimes a skirt. I usually wear a nicer looking shirt, but not a Sunday shirt. Now, when I pass by the mirror I see me wearing something that is a little nicer and it makes me feel better about myself, especially knowing that when my husband comes home he won’t see me looking like a slob. Maybe I feel this way because I have 6 children 8 and under and my youngest is a newborn, so I know it will be at least a couple years still before we get out of the messy stage. I stopped over from A Mama’s Story.
Del says
I LOVE this post! It is so true and I’m glad I’m not the only mama who feels this way. I do think I feel better when I am dressed up a bit, but very dressed up everyday at home is very impractical for me. Also, it doesn’t take a whole lot for me to feel I look nice, thankfully, and my hubby doesn’t think so either :)
Holli says
Literally just washed poop off my hands (think I saved the sweatshirt) five minutes ago. Thank you for this great post. What a great anthem for PJ wearing (or as I like to say, “Sporty Chic”) parents! Found you via Devote and Seek this morning.
Kisha Wendroth says
Great blog! I really enjoy reading this. I’m looking forward reading your next post.
kailin says
Screw hair and makeup! But if I don’t get out of my Pajama pants and into jeans and a T-shirt I feel a little more slave to the house than not.