I heard a commercial for engagement rings the other day. In it, the voice-over-girl said something that got me thinking, she stated that: “this (engagement) is the most romantic time of your life…” I think this statement probably represents society’s thought process in regards to engagement & marriage, but I have to disagree!
Sure, I understand that she’s saying this in order to convince people that they need big snazzy rings, but still! It is commonly assumed that engagement is the epitome of romance and it’s all down hill from there. Once the honeymoon stage is over the butterflies go away and you just get stuck in marriage. Trapped in the ordinary.
And yes, in a way I guess you do. Instead of date nights out on the town we have hasty conversations before we fall asleep, him exhausted from a day at work and me weary from a day chasing toddlers. Mystery and anticipation are replaced with a comfortable knowledge of each other.
Even so, engagement is not the ultimate in romance. Yes, we’ve all swooned a little over the epic proposals that go viral on youtube these days. The lengths that young men go to in order to propose is certainly entertaining and fun to watch. But it’s still not the ultimate in romance.
To me, romance is so much deeper than a public display and anticipation of the bride-to-be saying “yes”. It’s so much more than the big flashy ring and the gorgeous wedding.
Romance grows in late nights spent together trying to ‘shush’ a wailing baby. Romance blossoms over too many ruined dinners to count and the smile he offers that shows that his wife means more than a thousand burned meals.
Romance is found in a parenting book as an anniversary gift (true story), because he knew she was nervous about having a baby and he wanted to calm her fears. Love grows in the nights spent crying over a misunderstanding and the mornings spent laughing at the way we cried the night before.
Love grows over time. It gets better with time.
All the diamonds in the world couldn’t conjure up the same love I feel for my husband when I see him playing with our son or singing to our daughter. An epic proposal pales in comparison to the memories of him standing confidently by my side as I fought my battles against depression and PTSD.
So radio-lady, you got it wrong. Engagement is not the most romantic time of life. It’s only the beginning. It’s all so much better from there. So much more beautiful. It’s real life. Sure, some anticipation is gone, the mystery is gone, but isn’t that the beauty of it? In place of wonder you get awe, instead of curiosity you are filled with confidence. Confidence in your partner, in yourself and in the love that you share.
The romance gets better with time. As the laughter grows, and the memories blossom the romance takes root and changes everything around it…and makes it better.
Marriage is wonderful, and it only gets better with time.
*Special thanks to my sister-in-law-to-be for letting me use the photo of her engagement ring!
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Randomly Fascinated says
I agree! While engagement was fun, and you only get one chance to be a bride (hopefully :)). Marriage is so much better, and it gets better as time goes on as long as both partners are willing to work on it. Thanks for another great post!
Kitty Swing says
How wonderful this is! My husband and I haven’t yet been married two years, and I remember very clearly (since it wasn’t long ago) when the “honeymoon phase” ended. And I did feel trapped in the ordinary, as you put it so well. I’m learning, a little more every day, that I already love him more than I did when I Do’s were shared, and that’s only because of the day-to-day, the ordinary sacrifices, the special moments that don’t require fanfare. Your words are wonderful!
Shannen says
You are so right! The butterflies are fun while they last, but that’s not the goal. The goal is a partnership, and it takes a level of comfort to be great partners. Love comes with shared experiences, and sometimes they aren’t all pretty or exciting. Still, love comes. Glad to find you via Think Tank Thursday!
Val - Corn, Beans, Pigs & Kids says
I agree! The love that my husband and I have for each other is so much deeper than it was when we got engaged.
Elise says
Kudos to your post…Beautifully stated! I can attest that marriage gets better with time as you’re both able to overcome obstacles in life/marriage because of each other and that’s when your able to build that everlasting bond/friendship.
Crystal says
I’m 4 years into marriage and I must say I did sense that feeling of being trapped in the ordinary before our second year anniversary. But since, my husband and I decided that we’d become adventurous in every sense of the word if you know what I mean. I think it’s very important to allow yourself time for yourselves (without the kids) each week to rediscover/rekindle that magic that brought the two of you together in the first place. Because life can get in the way of marriage like work and kids that couples tend to drift and that feeling starts to creep in.
The DIY Homegirl says
I’m neither married nor engaged, but can definitely relate to your post. Beautifully written!
Ali Gilbert says
Very well said! You are absolutely right!!