At twenty years old, I was on the young side for giving birth to my first baby. Although we’d been married for almost two years, it didn’t help our case much that my husband and I didn’t look like we were a day over 16.
Yet here we were welcoming our new baby into the world.
It was my first time in a hospital since the day I was born myself, so I was nervous and scared as we checked in for my induction. Not to mention the intimidation factor of giving birth for the first time. My husband was wonderful, supportive and never left my side until our son was born and I made him follow the nurses when they took him away for an hour to take care of a few required newborn tests. This post contains affiliate links.
After I was settled in to my recovery room, my husband and new baby joined me there. It seemed every other minute either the baby or I was being checked or poked or questioned about something.
It was fine, I understand they have their required tests and nothing was too invasive. But I remember at one point a social worker stopping by our room. She brought a nurse in with her and they asked about our living conditions. Then they started to ask questions about if I felt safe at home and had any concerns.
At the moment I laughed off their questions. Of course I felt safe, and naturally I didn’t have any worries about going home, other than figuring out how to care for a new human.
It wasn’t until later that I realized they were reading between the lines of my young face and making sure I was taken care of and not being abused.
I wasn’t being abused, not then, and not ever by my sweet husband. But I’m still thankful for those questions. To know that there is staff on hand looking out for new mamas and their babies.
Two years later when we returned to the hospital to bring home my baby girl I wasn’t asked those questions. I often wonder why. Was it because I seemed more confident this time, or is 22 a more “acceptable” age for giving birth than the age of 20.
I bought my hospital gown here.
I really have no idea, and while it doesn’t upset me that I wasn’t asked, I do hope they still watch, and give new moms a way out in cases of abuse.
I’ve heard of other moms being asked this question and being offended by it. How dare a nurse or social work ask them if they feel safe.
But as an childhood abuse survivor, I see those little moments as opportunity for truly dangerous situations. I know they wouldn’t separate my husband and me or even our baby without actual cause. So I’m happy to answer questions. And I’m happy that they are asked. Even though I didn’t need the question, one day some one might, and I hope they are there to ask her.
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Jennifer Tammy says
I wasn’t asked this, but when the nurse found out I was single she asked if I had a place to live, and then followed that up with asking if I had a job. I personally was offended because the questions only came after finding out that I was single (she had mistaken my brother to be my partner). It wasn’t part of a series of questions, it was asked specifically because of my marital status. None of my friends were asked the same question at the same age.
I think if they are going to ask such questions, they need to ask them of every woman who comes in – not pick and choose based on their own stereotypes or assumptions.
I agree, they should be asked MORE if anything..though the negative reaction I’ve seen other people give makes me understand why they probably don’t ask more. It’s an interesting thing!
I think it must be standard procedure. Maybe it wasn’t always because it did not happen for my first two children, but I was nearly twice your age when I had my last (a couple months shy of 37), and they asked me then. I think it is because you never know who is and who is not safe at home.
I so agree! Make it standard, not a judgment call. My child was in the nicu for 2 months, my husband and i had a bad day and baaaaaaam SOCIAL WORKER! Can i seriously not have a bad day when i can’t take my baby home and I’m going to the hospital everyday?
I think it depends on what kind of bad day you were having and how you expressed yourself. There are healthy ways to express yourself and there are destructive ways. If you and your husband were behaving in a way that could be construed as potentially abusive, you needed to see the social worker. Only you know the true answer, but you would do well to check yourself. Honestly ask yourself if you need the help. Set aside your pride. You have a child. If you love your child, do it for them.
All I can say is truly say to this statement is wow…. no words.
I think this is an honest and appropriate response. We aren’t always honest with ourselves in the most stressful times and we need to be held accountable.
I had a county social worker come out to my home after i gave birth to my son. He had a very serious hospitalization when he was 3 weeks old. I was only 18 when he was born, single mother i lived with my parents. I stayed in the hospital everyday my baby was in there. I had doctors and nurses telling me that i was good mother despite being so young. I think they should look at all women, not just young ones, single ones etc.
In Arizona every person treated at the hospital is asked. It is part of the protocol. My teenage son was asked, it was written on a piece of paper. He laughed when he read it then told me what it said.
I think it’s good to ask. It could help someone get to safety if they are being abused.
That’s so great! I love that it’s EVERYONE
Yes – this is also asked in my state to everyone having a baby. I was asked for both my children…and I was 38 and 40. It had nothing to do with age. I didn’t think it was a big deal.
Yep. We are a military family – and we are asked (myself when I go in, and my children when I take them in) every time. The children that can read are asked to fill out a questionnaire. I think it is a good thing. Some people don’t know how to reach out and all they are waiting for is someone to care enough to ask.
I think it must be standard procedure. Maybe it wasn’t always because it did not happen for my first two children, but I was nearly twice your age when I had my last (a couple months shy of 37), and they asked me then. I think it is because you never know who is and who is not safe at home.
Lisa Sharp says
I agree it’s a good thing. My doctor’s office is a Native American run office and the tribe has all health care workers always ask if you feel safe at home. I appreciate this. Even if someone didn’t feel like they could say something the first time, maybe one time they would.
UGH! That would have ticked me off. As a domestic violence victim advocate, I can safely say that 1) a woman isn’t going to admit that, especially at this time when she should be focused on happiness, and 2) that question could, if she IS in a violent relationship, trigger rage in the partner. That’s not keeping anyone safe.
Asking kids, on the other hand, is putting them in a terrible position to either lie or feeling like they’re betraying their parent. Let’s not encourage kids to lie. There are better ways to reach people.
I had the same thoughts as you. I have to add that I am a survivor of childhood sexual abuse by a parent. Back then, I was neither believed nor helped when I finally had the strength to speak up. If someone had asked me point blank I would have lied. And then, that was “normal!” If it were that easy to tell, women would not stay in those relationships and living situations.
Actually, I am a nurse & at the hospital I’m at EVERY patient admitted male or female, 16 or 87 gets asked this question. There are many kinds of abuse other than domestic- physical, emotional & financial. This question is to be asked when the patient is by themselves not in front of their abuser, family members or friends. If it is asked in front of others, then that staff member is not following protocol & yes, they are putting the patient at risk. Nurses are the #1 trusted profession by several different polls making it easier for patients to feel as tho they can finally recieve help. So this one simple question can and does saves lives. I would educate yourself on the proper technique & reason behind this procedure & reevaluate your opinion on it if you are truly a domestic violence advocate.
My hospital in Indiana asks the same, however it isn’t asked in front of anyone else. Sometimes it is hard to find a time when the patient is alone to ask. You can’t seriously ask this question with others around because it may influence their answer.
The nurse came in and asked to speak to me alone. I still didn’t tell her. It’s good that they ask because someone might be on the brink of saying something, but I didn’t and couldn’t even admit it to myself until years later.
after having my 1st daughter I struggled with depression, so when I had my 2nd daughter I was asked about being supported at home. The only trouble was my husband was with me at the time and I couldn’t be honest because he was there. He wasn’t supportive at all and the 2nd child was unplanned. I went home that day feeling were alone and isolated :-(
I was lucky, i was warned before my first antenatal appointment by a relo about those types of questions. I wasn’t offended by them, especially since i was pre-warned, because i knew that they were just looking out for both myself and the bubs. I also have warned my friends on their first pregnancies about the questions 2 reasons, because it can be confronting sometimes, but also too, most first time FATHERS want to be part of every process. The hospital told me that the fathers were NOT allowed into the appointment the first time. Hubby got defensive about it though!!
My neighbor had a baby at 18- yrs. out of nowhere a social worker went into her room and asked her if she wanted to give her baby girl up for adoption. Up until this day, she is very mad at the lack of professinalism of that SW. Yes she looked young, but this “professionals” should be trained to look at other signals. Her husband and parents were at the hospital. Hopefully no toher girl was asked that question, its not like she wanted to give up her doll to play with playdough instead.
Not an age thing. I was 37 with my last baby and still they asked me. Same question every annual well check too.
I was asked that at every delivery…I was 23 for the first and 38 for the last. I believe it is standard procedure. Also, often your obgyn will ask at your yearly visit.
In my state, they are actually required to ask that every hospitalization of every patient.
Nurses are supposed to screen for domestic violence. We may choose not to do it if the partner is present during the intake (I work in an ER), but can do it later when the woman is alone, because most woman aren’t going to say anything if the abuser is standing right there. Certain circumstances are associated with higher rates of domestic violence. That is not a stereotype; it is a well-researched and documented FACT.
We are damned if we do, and damned if we don’t. In my ER, we ask every patient, regardless of socioeconomic status, marital status, sexual orientation or gender. Every patient. Because you never know.
Labor and delivery nurses ask because pregnancy and the postpartum period are high risk for domestic violence. They should be screening EVERY woman, and those of you who are offended make me wonder what you have to hide.
Jennifer McKenna says
Well said – thank you for what you do!
Kristy Hughes says
I guess I’m use to it? Military doctors ask every time I go to the doctor. It’s all part of the standard questions like “do you have a family history of heart disease?” The only thing I don’t like is they only ask the wives. I’ve been off guard by it a few times and it usually made me chuckle.
I’m asked these questions pretty much every time I go in for any kind of medical care, these days. They used to ask only if they had reason for concern, but I do definitely recall being asked multiple times, as far back as 15+ years ago.
Nowadays they ask at almost every medical visit, at least at the urgent care, which we visit fairly frequently. I actually really appreciate that, much as you seem to. If you ask everyone, no one has to feel singled out or wonder what they were thinking about you that made you ask.
I was asked with our first born. I had him at 28. But I wasn’t asked with our second child. I, too, thought it odd to ask with your first born but not the second. But maybe it just depends on the nurse and if they can get you alone to ask. I wasn’t offended because I know they are just trying to protect women and their babies and give them a chance to seek help if needed. But my husband was offended. It was never anything personal and not like they can easily tell if there was an issue at home but they want to protect everyone. I’m grateful for it even when it wasn’t needed in our case. :)
I was 36 when my son was born and I remember them asking me those questions as well. If I remember correctly they waited for my husband to leave the room to ask, so that they weren’t angering the potential aggressor.
I wasn’t offended at all. It’s the hospitals responsibility to make sure they are releasing the baby into a safe environment. Same as with my first child, they make you watch videos on how to cope with a new born, and post pardem depression.
I was 28 & 31 and they asked me the same question.
Maybe the 2nd time they were off that day?
I think it’s a good thing for new mothers
It may help someone that needs it
I’m not sure where the author of this email is from. But I’m from Sydney Australia here we have system where when you go in for your first prenatal appointment at the hospital you are required to go alone. You can bring someone with you to the hospital but they cannot come in when you first go into the appointment. The reason for this is so they can ask the mother to be if they have ever experienced any abuse (not just currently) and if they feel safe. They ask about past abuse because for some women the birthing process can trigger things. This happens for every pregnancy no matter age if you go through a public hospital. Not sure if it’s the same for private.
I was asked that at every appointment, even my peripheral ones (diabetes, neurologist, regular doctor), and even though they knew my husband. They would always find a way to separate us, usually at the weigh-in (“You go into the room while we check her weight”), although once I had an emergency room run and the nurse asked when he went to use the bathroom. Nothing to do with my age or homemaker status.
These questions are asked for safety reasons, plus it is regulated by state laws.No offense should be taken. Labor nurses love their patients and want to do everything for them to go home to a safe place. You would be surprised that someone is just waiting to be asked. However, there can be multiple ways to ask and some may not come across as appropriate.
I was 30 when I had my first and was asked the same questions, so I thought it was routine. I hope the program is still available. I didn’t need it , but like you say…. If it’s needed, it’s as good a place to get help if any.
Priscilla McConnell says
Thanks for not being offended… There are far a few people these days who think like you!
It has nothing to do with age, appearance, or social status. It is likely their standard practice for all female patients, maybe even all patients period. I have been asked this at our local hospital both times I have been there for a kidney stone.
maggie bacher says
i was asked with all three of my children. i was 23, 28, and 35 when i had my babies. they waited until everyone was out of the room before asking. it is the law in idaho that these questions are asked and that the nurses feel sure about your answers. if they don’t, you may be asked again or in a different way. i think it’s wonderful!
I had them ask me if I felt safe and had a safe place to live with all 4 of my babies and I was older 29 to 38, owned a home and had a career… I do think it’s protocol at certain hospitals
I am in the UK and when my first baby was born I was living with my partner and i was 25 years old with a university teaching degree (primary school age 5-11years). At all my appointments my partner came with me to every one and at every appointment they (the midwives) found a way to get my partner to leave the room for a second or two (maybe to collect something from reception etc) when they would ask me if everything was OK at home etc if dad was supportive or if he needed any help i was informed it was confidential and nothing would come of the answers immediately unless i asked for help but they were offering me a way out. by the time i had my second baby these questions were still asked but with less concern!
We ask these questions to adults on the ICU Stepdown. This is part of our assessment ( the psychosocial aspect ). This isn’t judgement, but this is done to help us as nurses to determine your needs at discharge. If you weren’t asked these questions at some point in your hospital stay – whether you’re a 20 year old new mom or an 86 year old male, then someone isn’t doing their job.
With my first child at age 32 before my child was even born the SW came in ask my husband to leave the room and asked me those questions which I also laugh at. But the question that absolutely shocked me was asking if my husband was the father of the baby! I was angry and told the person off and she then said they have had cases where the baby wasn’t the father’s and it was a shock to everyone in the delivery so they ask so they have have security near by if things get nasty. With my second child at age 35 they also asked these questions I lived in a larger urban area at the time.
I have been asked that question every time I go in to give birth (2 so far and 3 on the way). Also when I go to the emergency room when I am sick. My husband was once in the ER for being sock and they asked him if he felt safe at home as well. I guess our hospital are on top of that.
It is on every patient intake form they give me at doctors office, my son too. Including if I get depressed, how often. I answer honestly, I do get depressed, it is normal for hashimotos and SLE. If I feel it is out of hand I have a therapist by name I call on. The piece of paper idea is wonderful. As a domestic abuse victim, I would have hid it only because I didn’t like the idea of being in a shelter with my children. In the end, without good transportation, the ability to become self supportive is an almost impossible struggle.
randalee chester says
I was in the same position twice once with my 2nd and again with my 3rd child. Its very irritating and when the bring in child protection services. Totally unexceptionable. I am first nations and I think that played a huge role in why they were asking these qquestions. The child protection services followed us aroundd and came for home visits for 2 years after iIgave birth.
In NZ every midwife asks every woman every time, the ED staff at hospital (nurses and doctors) are supposed to ask every woman (and any men that appear to be at risk) as well as all elderly people to screen for domestic violence and elderly abuse. However, this is not always done due to time constraints or even skill level/training. It also can’t be asked if the partner or a child over the age of 2 is in the room.
Shanna S says
I was asked in 4/2015 for surgery. I have 5 kids and had a grandchild on the way as well. Perhaps it is being a common question and up to each nurse to judge to ask more questions?
With my first, I have 4 they asked these sorts of questions at my first visit. My husband was usually working so couldn’t make it to every appt. When asked some of the questions s I laughingly said no and the nurse told me its just protocol they have to ask. And I was asked at each of my first appts with all of my children questions I thought were sill,but I never thought til now there are woman who probably answered yes to some of the questions I laughed at. So I am grateful they take the time to ask such questions because it might help even just one person.
That has nothing to do with your age. The fact that you weren’t asked the second time was probably an oversight. Every person at our hospital is asked a series of pretty invasive questions. At 33 years old, I was asked if I felt safe in my home. My 25 year old, six foot three inches tall brother who lived alone was asked if he felt safe in his home. They also asked, “Do you ever feel homicidal or suicidal?” I laughed and said, “Does anyone ever say yes to that one?” The nurse just shrugged and motioned at the screen and said, “I just have to ask all these questions.”
Honestly I feel they need to ask generic questions, and not delve into your personal life. They were already up close and personal with your lady parts anyway, back off.
I’m due in Jan, and I personally would be offended by them asking these types of questions.
Asking if I have any concerns or questions concerning the child would be more acceptable. Or asking if I would like to learn how to swaddle the baby. That makes sense.
Not “do you have a home? Do you have a spouse/life partner?” That’s honestly none of their business. And I would hope that if something were to be wrong you would speak up about it and be responsible in the first place.
Oh wow, it’s Oregon state law they ask those questions every single time you’re in the hospital for anything, and once a year by your general Doctor
I was asked during both my admissions to give birth in the State of Florida. I was in my early thirties and had a husband by my side most of the time. The nurses waited until I was alone in the room before asking if I was abused or needed help. I laughed and said “My God, no.” The nurse proceeded to explain the reason for her question. Sometimes the hospital is an abused woman’s only sanctuary and inside she’s begging for help. She said they purposely wait until they get you alone or make an excuse to get you alone, as even an abused woman may deny it in the presence of her abuser. There are warning signs that nurses look for but they are required to ask nonetheless, regardless of socioeconomic status or age. My heart breaks to think of women who find themselves in an abusive situation but thankful that medical staff are trying to help them, especially when a new innocent life is getting involved.
This is actually standard procedure these days. I’m 48 now, but my OB/GYN started asking me the same questions when I was in my 20s at each of my annual exams. I questioned him about it and he explained that since women tend to come alone to the doctor, it is a safe time to ask. My current family practitioner asks at each appointment, as does my OB/GYN. I’ve been married over 25 years. The questions might have taken you aback, but if they manage to save just one woman in crisis then it was worth your discomfort.
These are required questions. Because they didn’t ask doesn’t mean they are not supposed to. It is now routine questions for them to ask EVERYONE
I was asked at 32 when I gave birth to my first child. I was asked at twenty three every time I went in for chemo. I was asked at routine check-ups. It’s a bit paranoid that you think it has to do with age. they simply forgot to ask at your second birth.
I had my first at 18 and my forth at 37
Four different hospitals and two different states . They all asked if we were safe , I’m not offended. I do feel it’s sad we live in a society that Doctors/Nurses feel they have to ask.
I can appreciate the questions and I understand their purpose however timing of the questions is important. At least for the woman in this article they waited till the big event was over. During my labor they sent my husband out of the room just as labor started kicking in then when the social worker was done she left me alone in the room without finding him or getting the nurse.
I work in a hospital and am required to ask these questions with EVERY admission. There is not one thing or another that triggers asking these, everyone gets asked them.
I gave birth in my 30’s, and I wasn’t asked that in hospital, but I was asked questions like that when speaking to the local health nurse on the phone a day after discharge from hospital. Not sure if it’s the same in the States, but Canada, a nurse does a home visit (or you schedule the baby to see the nurse at the local health unit) in the first week after birth for a checkup and to address any concerns with nursing baby etc. Very helpful and a great resource for new moms!
We ask every pt on admission about safety/domestic abuse. It’s not about judgement it’s to make sure that no one falls through the “cracks” and that everyone has the resources they may need.
I was asked this. Oh but it started like this: they enter the room and say “we called DCS, department of child safety we have queations to ask you..” they were about to take my baby away and i did nothing wrong. I held my baby closer and my mom answered all the questions for me. Protecting us. Daddy wasnt there because the hospital wouldnt let him in wothout an id but i didnt have one on me either. This really offended me too. I thought it was because i was in their care. But now i realize its because of my age. They said im too young. Im considered a teen mom. When im over 18. Now i dont have my daughter but.. They will get karma. Karma is a bee. My baby may never want to meet me but.. She will still carry me, my blood, my features, my smile, my actions, my everything because she will/might remember every sound and taste of food she had in my belly and smell.. Or at least she will carry that for a lifetime and eternity because she is and will always be my daughter. They cannot replace me for i created her and nobody else. Nobody can be her parent like i will always be her parent. Nobody will give her the love a parent can only give. And nobody will steal the title god gave me.that title is mine to wear. I love my baby and all i can do right now is still shop for her. I have fish for her to keep me motivated to keep living my life for her. I want to one day hold her tight again.. I think it will be like carlina white story. But thats ok. Nobody is perfect. Im soo heart broken, im trying my best not to loose myself for her.. But its so hard. Ive been getting into a lot a trouble at work. Which im trying to work on myself at the same time. I dont have the energy to work without my child.. Im working for no reason. But i spend my entire money on baby stuff because theres nothing else for me to do with that money. I have everything i need. I am happy. But i have all this money.. Money for my baby. Im doing this for a reason, in case in the future my daughter would ever show up on my front door. Ill let her in with one condition to not say anything to me until she saw her room full of things of of things i kept buying for her everyday for years!!!! Things she could have had and wanted and needed, etc… Things of the girl or kind of girl i would have had growing up. And her culture.. Etc.. Show her the kind of living environment she would have had. And not let her say anything but leave and come back to share the stages a first mother missed of her first daughter.
If she ever brings up anything that is against her culture…ill explain the rules. We dont celebrate holidays as moors. Etc… She is a moor and always will be. She cannot act what she is not. Its just cuture appropriation. But i will accept her if i ever get the chance to.
I know in my city and think State as well it is a mandatory question asked of every mother with every birth. I was not offended at all by this question and found it comforting that they care enough to ask.
Also if a social worker of any sort is called in for a hospital patient the patient will be asked. For example, my father was hospitalized and because of his condition a social worker was called in, it’s just slandered practice, once he had come too and was being evaluated for being released he was asked if he felt comfortable and safe going home with my mother. His wife of over 30 years, plus my mother is almost two feet shorter and 100lbs lighter then my father.
I was asked if I felt safe at home each and every delivery, at age 24, 26 and again at 38. I think it is standard at the hospitals around here because I delivered in three different hospitals.
At 37 years old with our first child, and for the next 3, I was asked each time.
I work in an emergency department and our hospital asks every patient that question. It’s their policy. They don’t ask people that “look” like they could be abused because of age. And it’s actually throughout the hospital that they ask that, not just the emergency department. My mom who is 53 was having radiation this past year from breast cancer and they asked her there and that’s an outpatient office. So don’t be offended.
Sarah Tindall says
I have a hard time believing this question was asked because of your age or their perception of your age. Every time I have ever had to go to the hospital whether it be the ER or for admission by my doctor I have been asked those questions. Even the few times I went in thinking I was in labor and then the time I was truly in labor they asked that line of questions, do I feel safe at home, am I in a relationship where I am verbally or physically abused, do I want to harm myself or anyone else and so on. I am 34 and while I don’t look 34 I do look as though I’m in my late 20s and I just gave birth to my second child a week ago. As a matter of fact during my last pregnancy when we were out of town and I was having stomach pains that my doctor suggested a visit to the nearest ER for they also asked those questions. I believe these are pretty standard questions that are supposed to be asked and maybe the staff at the hospital where you were simply overlooked asking them the second time you were there.
I live in Illinois. They as this question at any hospital ER visit or Hospital stay. I think it must be a state law? I have had three strokes. and each hospital stay brought this question. When I go in for regular MRIs due to the strokes I get this question. They sent me for a routine EKG (due to my age) and they asked this question. I think it is just a state law or something that makes them ask it? I don’t know if it is the same in all states or all counties though. It might also be policy as some hospitals to ask it? I just know they always ask it. And, my problem is high blood pressure not injures or anything like that.
Im in Illinois too and have had the same experience. I dont remember ever as an adult not getting asked. Even at my regular physician, the nurse asks me everytime. Never even thought to have an issue with it.
I live in NZ and new mums are asked this at the hospital, by Midwives, Plunket Nurses -follow up care for next 5 years, and most times visiting a nurse or doctor for immunisations and check ups.
I was 37, having my fourth child, and they’d meet my husband, when I was asked those same questions. I don’t think there’s much logic to when they do or don’t ask those questions.
I was asked this by the nurse when checking in to have my first baby, it seemed like a normal check in procedure to me, I wasn’t offended, I was 24. I don’t remember being asked with my second baby but my contractions were more intense when I got to the hospital so it was a blur.
I’m not to sure how i feel. Only because she wasn’t asked again. Also, I remember a similar situation that happened to one of my best friends when she had her first baby. Bcz she looked young they treated her with disgust and disrespectfully put her in the adolescent ward. She was married, the father was there and present! They literally thought she was a teen mom!!! Like did you even read her chart? But while this article isn’t as bad and I agree with personal questioning to a certain degree bcz domestic abuse is still a huge problem. While the number of teen pregnancy has gone down I still do feel there is still a stereotyping, stigma, and discrimination. That goes along with it. I feel no matter what age or race or creed the mother is they should be treated the same way, as a new mother. I do feel teen mothers need maybe more care and attention because they are still children themselves but I do not agree with the hurtful or mean treatment that i sometimes hear about or have witnessed in person. Like I said I think these kinds of questions or giving resources to women especially teens is a good thing…it lays mainly with how the nurses and social workers represent themselves. My stepdaughter (who I have had custody of since she was 7) is 16 and because I do not see her as my “step” daughter, she’s just daughter and will always be introduced or talked about in that sense. When people ask me how old she is, I get the rudest looks or people have even bluntly said “doing stuff u weren’t suppose to be doing, huh?” Because I myself look like I’m 15-17 and I’m over 30!! Its only because they did not ask again when she went into give birth a 2nd time that I feel they asked this woman those questions simply because she looked like she was 16. Period. Even tho she was 20 and married.
Shauna Martone says
I’m an RN and was a CMA before I was a nurse. I worked in OB/GYN for a decade and we ask about safety with every patient. It may be at a yearly exam, or the first prenatal visit, last visit, or at delivery; but it’s supposed to be asked in a way other questions are asked so that the people who are in need of help or where their safety is at risk, they feel comfortable telling someone.
Esther Donner says
My husband is an RN, and we chose to have our children born at the hospital the he is employed at to meet our boys for the first time. I was not asked those questions those times, but I was at a different hospital, when we took our sick baby to get cared for in 2012. They waited until my husband left the room to target me with questions of spouse abuse, financial situation, in need of food stamps and housing concerns. Even though they knew my husband was an employee of the same company. We were at a sister hospital to the one my husband works for still. The baby is a special needs child, and i was an emotional mess during the first two days we were there.
I was 17 when I had my first son and I was surrounded by family and friends. I don’t think I was asked any questions. 5 years later when I had my daughter, I was in a relationship with man 13 years older and was not in the best place of my life. I remember at my very first Drs appointment the nurses separating us and asking me about our situation, do you have a place to live, do you feel safe, are there drugs in the house or guns. It was crazy. Then at the hospital when I had my beautiful baby girl, I was asked the question again by several different people. A year later when my youngest and last son I was with the same man and asked at every appointment and at the hospital. I don’t know if it was our address or the age difference. About 7 years ago had some kidney issues and my man I’m with now was with me and I was asked the same question again. I think everyone should have a way out of a bad situation. No one should have to feel stuck or hopeless.
Um they ask anyone who gives birth this where I live??? It’s a protocol, nothing to do with age, and you don’t look 16! I’m pretty sure youth had 0 to do withit!??
I wasn’t asked with my first baby and I am a well educated, married woman and was just shy of 32. When I was in OB triage for terrible headaches with my second baby, they asked that question after my husband stepped out. I thought it funny they would ask such a question because it hadn’t been asked before? He was a large man and I can be very quiet, so I was hoping they weren’t making a judgement call, so I asked why the question ? They said they have to ask all women? I responded with humor, well I hadn’t been asked before and quite frankly if anybody should be concerned it should be him with my headaches & second pregnancy. The nurse lightened up and realized he wouldn’t hurt a bug.
Within 6 months I would be working for that department and would soon come to realize that they have social workers visit all patients on Medicaid no exhibiting family history of problems or issues. I hail from Alaska. We see a bit from the villages.
Carrie Johnson says
We had our first child at 23. We had gotten married in the middle of the pregnancy so all the paperwork was still in my maiden name. While in the hospital, so many friends and family came to see our baby, using my new last name. My husband and I were excited, blessed, and lived near lots of family.
There was so much confusion with the two last names, but I am greatful that every single nurse questioned those who came to see me and the baby. Those nurses didn’t know the circumstances, but they new last names were different and that was enough to ask questions.
I got asked this with all 3 of my kids at 26, 28, and 31. 3 different hospitals and 3 different states due to military moves. I’m also a nurse and it’s a normal part of assessment criteria. I believe most hospitals in the country ask these questions.