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| faking a smile to hide my misery |
The last few weeks/month of my pregnancy was awful. I was miserable, sick, exhausted etc. It didn’t help that I was having labor-like contractions off and on for the entire month. It was terrible.
By the end of it I was begging God to let the baby come already. I was so tired of pregnancy that even labor/delivery sounded like a great alternative. My due date came & went and baby stayed inside me. I was growing more and more impatient, was in constant pain and just couldn’t understand why God wasn’t answering my prayers.
Is it really that big of a deal if she comes today vs. next week (the induction date) I wondered? WHY is God keeping me feeling miserable? WHY did she not come a bit early so I could be put out of my misery. WHY WHY WHY?!
It actually got to the point that I was getting bitter in all my questioning. I didn’t understand why God was making me wait. There seemed to be no good reason. Does he just like seeing me in pain/suffering? I wondered.
Then 5 days late I finally had my baby girl. Even when I was in labor my hubby wasn’t sure that it was “really labor” because I had been in so much pain many many times before. But this time it was real, and she was born.
She was beautiful and healthy, and a super easy birth (3 pushes!). But she was little, weighing in at not quite 7 pounds. For being overdue I thought that was strange, but I was just thrilled that she was perfectly healthy. Then there was an issue with the placenta. Without getting too nastily detailed I had trouble delivering it. the nurses were freaking out (but trying to act calm). Since I delivered so fast there was no Dr. there helping, just the nurses. I clearly remember one of them saying “it’s disintegrating” as she was holding the placenta in place (not yet totally delivered) so I wouldn’t bleed out. It was scary, and not a normal situation, but we eventually made it through all healthy and fine.
It just made me realize, that with the really hard last month of pregnancy, and the healthy baby (but on the small side) and the placenta that was literally falling apart, something wasn’t quite right there. I don’t know medically what went wrong but I do know that it could have been a lot worse had the timing been any different. If she had come a week early, or even on time, she might not have been big enough or developed enough even though she was “supposed to be” fully developed long before week 41. If she had come any later my placenta might have given out and she could have been starving in there. She came at the perfect time. She came in God’s time.
When I was pregnant I couldn’t see the reasons that God was keeping her inside. I thought He was missing something, I thought I had a better plan.
but I never should have doubted. He had it all under control and was caring for myself and my baby girl in more ways than I could ever understand. He gave me the strength to make it through those really hard weeks. He gave me the courage to deliver the placenta and not freak out when I knew something was not right. He gave us all peace.
He took care of me, even when I thought He wasn’t caring about my situation at all.
Waiting is so hard. Weather you are waiting for baby to be born, waiting to conceive or adopt, waiting for a new job, waiting to find your spouse…whatever you reason for it, waiting is a challenge.
In my opinion it is one of the most difficult things we do, because when we’re waiting things are usually outside of our control. I could do nothing to make baby girl come, I could only wait and trust God. Sometimes there are things to do while we wait, if waiting for a job then there is plenty to be done pracitcally in submitting applications or working on the resume, but even when we are doing everything we can do, God still provides things in His timing as we work towards the goal.
In my opinion it is one of the most difficult things we do, because when we’re waiting things are usually outside of our control. I could do nothing to make baby girl come, I could only wait and trust God. Sometimes there are things to do while we wait, if waiting for a job then there is plenty to be done pracitcally in submitting applications or working on the resume, but even when we are doing everything we can do, God still provides things in His timing as we work towards the goal.
Timing.
Waiting.
Trust.
Faith.
They all go hand in hand. I never expected baby girl to teach mea bout faith and trusting in God before she was even born, but she did. And I’m thankful for every last miserably painful day of pregnancy as each one was used by God to bring her to me safely. And each one was also used by Him to show me that He is working, even when I can’t see it. There are so many things I can apply this lesson to, even today. It’s awesome how God works like that ;)
Trusting God’s timing. It’s not easy. But it is a wonderful lesson learned. <3
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| the waiting was worth it |
Robin says
Congrats! She is adorable!
Bonnie Way says
Aw, what a beautiful story! You’re so right – it’s hard to understand why we have to wait sometimes, but God knows and we can trust him. Thanks for sharing. And she’s so cute! :)
The Proverbs 31 Sanctuary says
so precious, God is good :) xx Tara.
Katherine says
Beautiful! Thanks for sharing! I’m 36 weeks ago and so tired of waiting and tired of being pregnant. I needed this reminder that God’s timing is perfect, and I just need to learn to wait…joyfully :)
Heather N. says
Beautiful story, beautiful baby! Congratulations!
withalljoy.com says
I am also amazed at how much my daughter (now 9 months old) teaches me about God and his character. He works in some mysteriously, wonderful ways. :)
Jennifer Sikora says
WOW. God definitely had His hand on that birth. So glad to see that everything turned out fine.
Blessings to you and your family!
Jerralea says
Ah,i f only we could always believe that He has a plan. But we get impatient – I know I do!
Glad everything turned out well!
Laura Boggess says
Oh, she is beautiful! And, yes. His timing is always perfect.
Carrie says
Thanks for the reminder! I find myself in a similar position now. I’m 38 weeks and was up/restless last night with a lot of contractions. God’s timing is perfect!!
Beckey says
Always in His time. I have to remind myself of that a LOT! I am not a patient person. Congratulations on your beautiful little girl!
Kassi Mortensen says
Such a good reminder. We may never know the reason for His timing, but there is always a reason!
Shanay Worthy says
Congrats on your baby girl! I love your message about waiting. God’s timing is the perfect time in everything in are life.
New follower!
Amanda says
I think you may have written this just for me. Waiting on God’s timing is SO hard. Thanks for linking up to Desire to Inspire.
Carey says
Stopping by from Company Girls. Beautiful baby girl! And a great reminder on the worth of waiting.
Jacqueline@ Deeprootsathome.com says
Sarah, What a little doll baby she is!! She is beautiful, and I just loved this post on God’s timing being just right! Your words are so right on. This is such an excellent post, and I’m so glad you linked up it up to encourage others at Deep Roots :)It blessed me, too!