Last week I wrote a post about my son hitting the tantrum stage & a bit about what I was learning through that. After posting I got an overwhelming amount of comments from mamas sharing that they are going through the same thing right now. It was so comforting to know I’m not the only one with an unruly toddler today.
I’m new to this “mommy” thing, and I’m still just discovering what works for my son. I know that children respond to things differently so there are a variety ways of dealing with tantrums. Most mamas would agree that consistency is key, but you have to have a “method” to be consistant with! A few months ago, when my son first started throwing tantrums my biggest challenge was finding the method that worked for my son. Unfortunately, as he changes and matures it seems that my tactics are needing to change and mature with him. What was effective 6 months ago, is not working anymore!
All that being said, I messaged a bunch of wonderful mamas and bloggers to get their input and ideas about what worked for them. I have shared links to each of these blogger’s websites, so you can visit them!
Keep in mind, every kid is different so what works wonders for one kid may or may not work for another. But I thought it would be handy to have a huge list of different things that are tried and true for these mamas to give us all ideas about things to try with our own little munchkins!
This is NOT a post intended for arguing one way over another, just sharing the successes of a bunch of mamas in the hopes that you can find something that will work for you!
There are also a few ideas for preventing toddler tantrums, found at the end of this post.
This list is in no particular order
1. Ask the child to use words instead of tears – “The most successful thing I do is when she begins her melt down, I get to eye level and tell her she needs to speak to me about her problem respectfully.”
2. Allow the child time to “sit and think” – “I have a spot in my house – my bottom stair. I tell her to sit in her “Sit and Think” spot until she’s willing to speak to me respectfully. Or she can come out as soon as she’s finished crying.”
3. Explain WHY the child is being told “no” (or whatever they are upset about) – “I explain to her the problem, and the reason why I’m telling her no (because it’s IMPORTANT for them to be able to learn how to make wise choices on their own) and tell her she can get up as soon as she finishes crying and wants to play. When she gets up- I ask her to give me all her tears, so she wipes her cheeks and puts them in my hand; I kiss them and give them to Jesus. The “handing me her tears” also works when I am in public places and she begins a melt down. She just likes it.”
4. Remain Calm
5. If they’ve been willfully disobedient try to discipline immediately
6. Teach them what to do when they get frustrated. – “Use their words, take deep breaths, ask Mom or Dad for Help, pray for God to help them be slow to anger or even sing the alphabet song (they can’t count to ten yet). There are of course times when I get frustrated, but trying to help my little ones work through their emotions seems to be worth it”
Tips 4-6 from Km Logan ~ Lessons From Ivy
7. Ignore them – “Of course, I keep an eye on them, but they don’t know that. If that doesn’t work, I try to calmly ask them if they can tell me what’s wrong. If that doesn’t work, I try to redirect them. If we are at a store, I ignore it and move on. I won’t buy them anything they scream and yell for. That said, when my middle daughter was 3, I didn’t go to the store with her for 5 months because she threw such big fits. She finally grew out of it. I guess my biggest advice is, “This too shall pass.” It doesn’t seem like it in the throws of toddlerdom, but it does get better… well the tantrums do, then you get to deal with a whole new set of issues” 
Tip 7 from Kelly ~ Oh that mom again
8. Breathe & think (Figure out how this particular tantrum should be handled) – “When my son is having a tantrum sometimes I just close my eyes, breath and count to 10 before I discipline. It helps clear my mind and think carefully of the best way to discipline with this certain tantrum. Whether it be removing the problem, removing the child, or actually needing to be disciplined.”
Tip 8 from Elisha ~ Grateful with Two
9. Remind them how to behave properly – “I make sure to softly remind her that we don’t scream and that if she wants something she needs to ask nicely…It works. For now.”
Tip 9 from Erika ~ T.E. and Baby
10. Let them know what is expected of them – “Consistently training a child in how he should behave goes a long way in improving behavior. When my child chooses to disobey, throw a tantrum, etc., I know that HE knows he is acting out of line.”
11. Consistent discipline– “My husband and I try to never, ever reward disobedience (particularly tantrums!) by giving in. This teaches a child that tantrums work!
Two of our four children were tantrums throwers during toddlerhood; it didn’t take them long to learn that “pitching a fit” wasn’t a good idea! They didn’t give it up over night but, with time and consistentcy, tantrums became a thing of the past. Admittedly, consistentcy doesn’t come easily for me, but it is well worth the effort!”
Tips 10 & 11 from Kristy ~ Little Natural Cottage
15. Give them space to calm themselves – “When these (blow ups) do occur and they won’t becalmed by our words they are taken to their bed and told they can come speak to us when they are done crying or screaming.”
Tips 12-15 from Sara Shay ~ Your Thriving Family
Tip 16 from Sarah Beals ~ Joy Filled Days
18. Make the tantrum counter-productive – “Don’t reward a child for his whining or demands, which would reinforce the behavior. Instead patiently insist the child behave in the proper manner, asking, “May I have a drink please?” rather than “I want a drink now!” Children, from the earliest age, will press the boundaries to find out what is permissible. Consistency is the key.”
Tips 17 & 18 from Cheryl – Treasures from a Shoebox
Tip 19 from Jenn ~ The PurposefulMom
Tip 20 from Jenn ~ Sweeter than honey
21. Don’t get caught up in the tantrum – “As moms, we are the adults. Sometimes just separation helps-time to cool off {and I mean this for both the child and the parent}…this could mean putting your child in another room or a time out area. Boundaries are SO important for children…it makes them feel safe.”
Tips 21 & 22 from Janelle ~ Comfy in the Kitchen
Tip 23 from Gail ~ the imperfect housewife
24. Walk out of the room – “Tantrums are never fun but one thing I have definitely learned is that immediate discipline may only make it worse. If we are at home and the fits are thrown, I leave them and purposefully walk out of the room. As soon as the fit seems to subside even a little bit I will walk back in and ask if there is something they want to talk about or if there is something that is bothering them. Typically the fit is thrown again at the sight of my presence and if that happens I simply walk out again. If the fit does not subside whatsoever, I go in and gently remind them that they need to stop screaming. If they do not stop screaming, then they are choosing to be punished. I wait a couple more minutes and if they don’t start to calm down, I administer punishment. Then wait a few more minutes for the screaming to subside. Once it subsides, I give huge hugs and lots of love. But then I have a talk and tell them that if there is a problem they need to use their words to tell me what is wrong. Screaming doesn’t tell me what they problem is. Then I try to find out what exactly (if I didn’t know already) caused the tantrum.”
Tip 24 from Ann ~ Delight Thyself
25. Pray – “I had a child with temper “issues”(I’m talking screaming and throwing herself on the floor. It was bad.) I decided I needed to do something to help her out.I prayed hard. I reminded God that He said he wouldn’t give us more than we could handle and I asked Him to show me a way that I could train her NOT to act that way.”
26. Imitate them – My daughter started throwing a fit and “I flopped down on the floor beside her and started wailing. I screamed louder than she did. She stopped screaming and looked at me like I was nuts! I kept screaming. She looked scared. I kept screaming. She began to cry and beg me to stop. When I was all screamed out (and before I lost control and burst into laughter…I could just see my husband walking in the door at that moment!) I stood up and, very calmly, finished washing the dishes The next day, we did it again. This time didn’t last as long though. Later on the second day she tried it again. Except this time, I think SHE was testing Me. I started as soon as she did and she stopped immediately. Praise God that was the last time we had to go through that!!” Read more of this story here
Tips 25 & 26 from Hidden treasures
27. Remove the child from the situation – “I remove him from the room and take him to his room, and say, “You do not tell mommy no. You must calm
down or you will sit on your bed until you do. If he doesn’t comply I sit him on his toddler bed, leave the room, close the door and set the timer for 2 min.”
28. Repeat tactic until child is calm – “This step is repeated till my son has calmed down enough that I can talk to him without listening to screaming, crying or
whining, I do not tolerate any of these is a disobedience situation.”
29. Give child another chance to behave – “Once he is calm, I take him back to where is was misbehaving ( if it is applicable and repeat my expectation.) know that this seems tedious and long, but the goal is training. I don’t want to have to worry every time I go to someone’s house that my son is going to stand on his or hers furniture. I want to raise sons that respect rules and authority. Proverbs 22:6 “Train up a child in the way he should go; and when he is old he will not depart from it.”
Proverbs 22:15 “Foolishness is bound up in the heart of a child, but the rod of
discipline drives if far from him”
I hold to these verses during tantrums. My child is being foolish, he doesn’t know
how he aught to behave or act. Which is why God saw fit to give him to me so that
I can train him and discipline him.”
3. Choose your battles wisely – “Especially when in public. When shopping, keeping an upbeat conversation going with my kids, or pointing out things to look at or see, or playing an “I See Something” game, are huge preventers for tantrums.”
Tip 3 from Ann ~ Delight thyself
4. Have a routine – “I found the best way to handle toddler tantrums was in being proactive about a consistent daily schedule. When the little ones had a routine and knew what to expect next, there were a lot less problems.”
Ruth@GraceLaced says
Great post! What a bounty of wisdom, from a great group of moms. Thanks for sharing and linking up!
thetoddlerwhisperer says
I agree with Ruth, this is a bounty of wisdom!! Fantastic post. :)
Kara Chupp says
Love the idea of collecting practical ideas/application from a group of moms… :)
Sometimes it really comes down to trusting God to change their heart in His time, when the change isn’t seen immediately…I really appreciated all of the encouraging words about consistency and following through.
We’ve gone through this a bit with our 5th kiddo (and one one of our older ones as well,when he was little). I’m thankful to be able to look back (and also look ahead) and know God can supply the strength I need for this season and that over time there is change & growth.
But–it’s so hard when you’re in the middle of it.
futurehope says
so true! :) thanks for the encouragement!!! :) I love hearing from moms who have been there, but that time is over for their little ones! :)
Kristy @ Little Natural Cottage says
I appreciate these tips and encouragement!
Gail @ The Imperfect Housewife says
Great post! Its filled with great ideas.Thank you for letting me be a part of it!
Sara Shay, Your Thriving Family says
I love hearing all the different tactics. Sometimes the same thing doesn’t work for every member of the family so this is great!
Elisha Kemp says
Great post! So much encouragement and helpful tips!
Denise says
Great advice.
Mindy @ New Equus - A New Creation says
Ah these are great, but about 17 years too late for me! LOL I really needed them when my daughter was little… incidentally, this is what I blogged about today! ;)
Michelle @ Changed By The Maker says
That’s an awesome collection of wisdom right there! Thanks for sharing and for linking up at Make Life Meaningful Monday!
Colleen says
Fantastic post, thank you so much! I will be highlighting this one for much reference I’m sure!!:)
LA Ramsey says
Each child is different, so you have to find what works for them, what they listen to. Great tips!
ateachablemom.com says
What a great idea for a post and so well executed. Love the idea of getting support and mama love from other moms. Thanks for modeling that for me! Well done!
Visiting from Pour Your Heart Out!
Ms. Kathleen says
My eldest daughter threw some doozies – Then I read something about kids like the “audience” during their Tantrums. She was three so I tried a tactic. When she started throwing her fit I told her I refused to watch and to go to her room. So I escorted her to her room and shut the door. I was right outside sitting in a chair. After I little while it was quiet. Then the little stinker who is now a grown woman – opened the door and said, “don’t you wanna watch?”. I said no and told her to go back in. That was it. I did this with all my kids. If they wanted to throw a fit they had to throw it alone and where’s the fun in that. If we were in a store I immediately left the store and put them in the car and drove home, several times leaving a cart full of groceries but the kids learned fast. With the youngest I never had to put up with fits… I caught on very early and so did he.
Jenni says
Some much needed advice… Thanks! I tell my daughter to use her words ALL the time. She’s only one, but she knows how to say “up” so I make her say it if she wants me to hold her (unless she’s hurt or something, of course!)
MB@NewLifeSteward says
Lots of great ideas here! I try to always explain the “why” behind what is going on. I hated “because I said so” as a kid, so I try to give him the reason. That also gives me a check to actually know the why too! sometimes I think we discipline because we are annoyed not because they are really doing anything wrong!
Mary Beth
newlifesteward.com
CaptainConundrum says
I love #26! But we’re more likely to do #15. I watch a very sensitive little boy with special needs during the day when Baby is most likely to have her meltdowns, and I find that putting her upstairs in her bed until she cries herself out works best for keeping him from starting up too. One screaming kid is annoying, but I can handle it. Two of them going off just makes me want to curl into a little ball and start muttering to myself! LOL.
Carey says
{Visiting from Company Girls} I’m out of the toddler stage with my kids, but FYI, many of these are still good advice for older kids! Thanks for posting.
Michelle says
These are all great ideas. When I was reading them, I realized I pretty much use or have used them at some time with each of my children. The main thing is to be consistent. My kids know when they have pushed too far and know that I mean what I say. Thanks for linking in this week to the randomness.
Shell says
Such great advice! I used walk away a lot. B/c there really wasn’t much reasoning with mine when they got like this!
Renee says
Those are all wonderful tip… I have to admit I sometime struggles withe the #4 one :-) I better work on that one!
Eve says
Thanks for such a great roundup of practical tips and ideas : ) I think it’s really important to get down to their level, understand the reasons behind their tantrums and always be firm, consistent but gentle. I try not to give in or become an ‘audience’ to their tantrum, else it becomes a bad habit. Very often, the toddlers’ meltdowns are because they are frustrated or upset but are not able to express themselves so we need to teach them how to express their emotions/seek help when they need.
parentsupporthub.com says
Childs under 2 years have limited vocabulary but like us, they want their wishes to be met. If you don’t get your child’s message, they have no other option but to bring down the roof. The best approach at this stage is to empathize with the child and say “hey show me what you want.’ You can then see if he or she points at something. It’s not always obvious, but with little practice you should be able to take a hint.