This week I have still been thinking about and working hard on being a better wife. I came across a new blog that I LOVE, and the author has done a lot of posts about marriage/being a wife. When I found this blog (one of my friends actually shared a link to it) I sat and read her marriage posts for quite a long time, they were just so rich and awesome and real and encouraging all at the same time! She gave me a lot to think about and the thoughts shared in this post were inspired by one of hers. (I honestly don’t remember which one because I read so many in one sitting… but you can see all her marriage posts here)
Up until this point, my biggest goal in being a better wife was to be “pleasing” to my husband. Let me just say…that is HARD! When he comes home stressed and is therefore in a bad mood (which is rare), I feel like I am not doing a good job. If he does not notice what I have done around the house, then I feel like I must pressure myself to do more! If he does not thank me for doing something I feel like my work around the house must be meaningless. *sigh* Just reading that and owning up to it is exhausting and eye opening at the same time. I really am requiring a lot of him wanting him to respond in specific ways etc. Don’t get me wrong, I still love it when he notices things (and he often does notice and thank me for things that I have done), the problem was that I had begun to LIVE for his appreciation of my hard work. If it was not there, or not given in the way I felt it should be, then I felt incomplete. I would feel hurt or upset. And stressed. and discouraged. I would feel like I needed to work harder to please him, but at this point I would be so down on myself and upset that all my hard work was seemingly meaningless I would not longer be joyfully and excitedly looking for ways to serve my husband. I would be doing it grudgingly. I would have to talk myself into continuing to strive to be a better wife and that just steals all of the joy and passion from it!
One realization has changed all of this. I realized that I need to be striving to be a wife that is honoring and pleasing to the Lord first, and my husband second. That small shift in thinking is making all of the difference in my life and marriage. It has taken a lot of pressure off of my hubby to feel like he has to notice every little thing that is done around the house. and I have not needed to actually changed WHAT I’m doing. I have only changed my heart attitude when I’m doing it. God is honored and pleased when I serve my hubby. when I do things that please him and am becoming a better wife, God is pleased by this because it is honoring Him. and the great part is, God is pleased weather or not hubby notices the things I have done that day. I get my sense of accomplishment and fulfillment from God, not from man, which is far better! I am serving God by serving my family and God sees every little thing I do, even the things that are undone (by my darling son) by the time hubby gets home. A lot of the time hubby will leave for work at 9am and the house is clean, when he comes home at 930pm the house looks the same…he missed the part of the day where our home looked like a tornado by the name of “baby boy” hit it, and how I worked hard to restore the house to some sort of order by the time he got home…he may have missed it, but God did not.
He sees every little thing I do in service to Him, my hubby and our baby.
So yes, I am still reading books and blogs and planning and thinking and praying about how to be a better more loving, more supportive, more encouraging wife. None of that is stopping. I am just doing it now with a new perspective, and with that a new joy and excitement as I endeavor to serve and honor God in my marriage first, and my hubby second.
“Wives submit to your husbands as is fitting in the Lord…Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men, knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward. You are serving the Lord Christ.” Colossians 3:18, 23, 24
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Ann@StringerMama says
Oh honey – you have no idea how much this encouraged me! I’m so glad my writings had such an impact – so not a me thing but a God-thing! It brought tears to my eyes because I know EXACTLY how you feel about your marriage right now! I’ll be praying for you girl as you seek to please HIM and in so doing will please him at the same time! :0) HUGS!!!