As they prepare for the wedding, it’s always good for friends to think of advice for the bride and groom on their big day. Often bridal showers will ask you to share a piece of advice for the bride but it can be hard to think of something in the moment. After thinking about it for a long time, I finally came up with my best advice for the new bride.
Advice for the Bride
Two of my closest friends are getting married this year. One will be wed in just a few days and the other this summer. I am so thrilled for each of them as they begin this new stage of life. In all the excitement of the upcoming weddings I have been reflecting a lot on my 4 years (and counting) of marriage as I try to decide just what advice / words of wisdom I could offer them before their big days.
There are the obvious ones:
- “don’t take your spouse for granted”
- “don’t go to bed angry” (or do go to bed angry, depending on who you ask!)
- “don’t talk bad about your husband”
- “be honest with each other”
…
I could go on and on. These are all good and useful tips, but from a newlywed’s perspective, they seem unnecesary. A new bride doesn’t think she will ever take her hubby for granted. Newlyweds often scoff at the idea of going to bed angry because they feel they will never really be angry at each other. So, I know that many words of advice will be long forgotten by the time their wisdom is needed. So what advice could be offered? There is so much that I have learned over the past 4 years, and I’m still learning!
I know most of my husbands likes/dislikes. I know how to make him feel appreciated and loved. I’ve learned what his pet peeves are and how to avoid them. I have figured out the best times to talk about certain issues and when I should just keep things to myself. I could spend hours with each of these girls, telling them all the things that I’ve learned and giving all sorts of marriage advice, but I don’t think it would be helpful for either of them to hear me rattle off all the little things I’ve learned thus far in my marriage.
So what is my advice to the bride-to-be?
Advice for the bride to be
Never stop learning.
Each marriage is unique and beautiful in it’s own way. Never stop trying to figure him out. Always be searching for new ways to show your spouse how much you love him, appreciate him and care for him.
Don’t ever stop working on your marriage. No matter how good things may get, or how bad things may seem, just keep working at it. Always try to make it better than it is right now.
Keep loving your husband and enjoying life together.
All the words of wisdom I could give, really boils down to that. Never stop learning and growing together. No one ever knows what they are really getting in to when they say “I do”. Couples always some how feels like their love and relationship is unique and perfect, and they will never face any of the problems that old married couples try to warn them about, but I think that’s okay. It’s fun to figure it out together. To learn more about your spouse as you learn more about life and love and marriage itself.
Marriage is a joy. It’s not an easy thing, but in that lies the beauty of it.
Enjoy the journey, and never stop learning!
My love to you both (And your soon to be hubbys!). And to all the brides to be that may be reading this.
What one piece of advice would you give a new bride?
Mary Caldwell says
Paula that was lovely and helpful advice. It is a wonderful advice for a bride to be, and maybe one they will actually hear.
Kassi @ Truly Lovely says
That’s a great piece of advice for new brides!!! Let’s see… My one piece would be learn to compromise. Even for newly married couples, she might want to paint the bedroom red and him blue. Short of doing both and going for an Americana look… haha., you have to compromise. Give in sometimes, but NOT all the time. Especially on the silly things. Those little silly things, like wall color, add up!
Chelsea says
Great advice. My one piece of advice to newly weds would be always say I love you before you hang up the phone, leave for work, or go to bed. You never truly understand how important those three little words are until you don’t hear them anymore.
Shay says
That is great advice! I very much second that. My one piece of advice would probably be something I read in a book: marriage is NOT 50/50, with two people doing half the work – instead it’s 100/100, two people putting forth all of their best efforts and never giving up, even during the rough times. :)
Laura @ Thriftyhomemaking says
What great words of advice! I completely agree. I don’t have much advice to give, I haven’t been married even a year quite yet :) but we are always learning and growing and I definitely think that’s important.
Erica {let why lead} says
It really is a process, isn’t it? I’m always amazed at how complex and dynamic people are, because even after 7 years of marriage, my husband still can surprise me with a preference I didn’t know about or a memory I’ve never heard before. It’s a refining process, for sure!
Jenn says
Wow — everyone is giving some great advice! Mine would be this — “always enjoy one another.” Life gets busy, and it’s so easy to forget to just take the time to enjoy our husbands. I’ve been reminded to do so more times than I can count lately, and we’ve only been married eight years!
Elizabeth@Warrior Wives says
That is great advice…we often hear about couples who “just grew apart” or who “have nothing in common” and I really think it’s because they stopped learning about each other. There’s a quote from Paul Tripp’s book What Did You Expect? that I am reminded of here: “Your marriage may be good, but it is never safe”.
Julia Forshee says
This is critical for every couple, but it can be especially overwhelming to know where to start with a Bride. I have been married 10 years and I just wish that I could inject newlyweds with all of the experience and learning that I’ve had. Being a lifelong learner and teachable is a critical component to a solid marriage! I started a weekly link-up party on Thursdays, and I would love to share this post and/or any others that you would like to share. Hope to see you there! allthingswithpurpose.com
Rosey says
Ummm….thinking… ;)
I would say if you start to become resentful over something, think of all the wonderful things your husband does right before you go down that road. It’ll change your thinking in a heartbeat. :)
Congrats to both of your friends.
I’m visiting today from Thumping Thursdays.
Lori says
Great advice. I’d add — read one marriage book and attend one marriage conference a year. Which goes right along with your advice — never stop learning :)
KC @ genxfinance says
So true. It’s decision to get married and it’s not something that can be thrown away easily. (I wonder how celebrities do that?) It’s about commitment and everything else go with it. It’s package deal. And yes, never stop learning, embrace change and do it together.
Bonnie says
Great advice – enjoy the journey and never stop learning! With 30 years of marriage behind us and still going, I would add another piece of advice – learn the meaning of deeper communication, not just communicating on the surface! Really learn to dig for the true meaning in your communications! Don’t get stuck at the top layer of communicating.
Stop along the way and smell the roses – together! :-)
Esther Irish (@LaughWithUsBlog) says
My advice would be to really listen and consider the marriage advice you’re given. lol Dating couples think they’ve got it figured out and are gonna live on love. I think if they truly hashed out some of the advice before they were married they’d be better prepared.
Mai Bateson says
Hi Paula, this in very nice! I even remember my wedding 1.75 years ago when people close to me gives me advice about marriage! It came back like a flashback… :) One piece of advice to give a new bride: love your husband as you love Christ… Treasure God’s perfect gift to you. :D Thanks for linking up!
Christy Joy says
LOVE. THIS. POST. I think you’re right on target; I wasn’t concerned about any of those things. But to “never stop learning” is such fantastic advice and will make the marriage last forever. My parents have a book where they challenge the couple to go back to “school”. Their spouse is the major and subjects are things like sex, communication,etc…if we all majored in our marriage how much greater would that relationship be? Thanks for sharing and for linking up with HWC!
Fawn Weaver says
Paula that is a brilliant piece of advice! We all change (and that’s a good thing because if you’re staying the same too long you’re not growing and every living thing should grow). Ten years later I’m still learning so much about my husband and myself. Thank God I have a heart to learn (because I need it :)).
Tyler says
Have you ever considered publishing an e-book or guest authoring on other blogs?
I have a blog based on the same information you discuss and would really like to have
you share some stories/information. I know my subscribers would appreciate your work.
If you’re even remotely interested, feel free to send me an e mail.
Erik Matlock says
Anyone else noticed that only women have responded so far? Know why? Because you, ladies, are alway more concerned with the relationship. So. As a man. Here’s my advice. Sorry, can’t do just one.
Make sure you both understand what it means for a husband to love his wife as Christ loved the church. If he understands that, he will be the best husband you can imagine.
Stay friends. Do stuff together constantly. Have fun together.
Don’t tolerate immaturity. He’s a big boy, expect him to act like it. Don’t coddle him. Selfishness is bad enough on a two year old. It looks really ugly on a 40 year old.
Be very careful about most marriage counseling. It almost always puts the weight on the wife.
Go into marriage with your eyes open. This fantasy is about to get real. Make sure you really know each other.
Last. Be willing to take advice from those parents of yours. If they love him, awesome. If not, find out why and listen.
I blog for husbands and fathers. I made every mistake and want to help them. I believe God wants better for his girls that they know.
Try this one. http://erikmatlock.wordpress.com/2013/04/09/plan-b/
Paula says
Thanks for your input Erik! I think the main reason it’s been only women responding thus far is that probably around 99% of the people that read this blog are women. A majority of my posts are about motherhood, so it just works out that women are the main readers…but anyway
I agree with your advice! It is so important to stay friends and do things together. My husband and I play board games together a lot and we love it! For me, that falls under the “not taking your spouse for granted” advice, that most brides hear, and ignore because they can’t EVER imagine not being best friends with their spouse or fathom a time when they would want to spend every moment of every day with their groom!
I appreciate the advice about maturity as well. I’m very thankful to not have that issue in my marriage but I’ve seen other marriages and relationships deeply wounded and even destroyed, mainly due to the immaturity of one partner or the other.
“this fantasy is about to get real” I love that. So true! I know for a fact that my husband and I had NO IDEA what we were getting into when we got married, but we’ve made it work!
Advice from parents is a big one too! His parents are so wonderful and they help us out a lot.
I think it’s great that you write for husbands and dads! The blogging world is filled with many voices for women but blogs for dads/husbands are few and far between! Thanks for reaching out to the dads and husbands.
Thanks for sharing your advice!!!
Erik Matlock says
Yeah. I thought about the fact most of your readers are female after writing that. Duh. I also got to thinking about our time as the young couple. Had to hammer out a blog post. I will warn you, though. I am not the most politically correct writer. I am fairly course and confrontational. I hurt my family in ways that have not completely healed yet. Just trying to save a few families from that kind of pain. Thanks for doing what you do.
If you want to see where I went with this, here it is.
http://erikmatlock.wordpress.com/2013/06/07/planning-a-wedding-heres-a-few-things-you-havent-considered/
Paula says
No worries about the female comments thing! I’ve noticed in most online forums and such it is mostly women commenting about marriage as well. I’m not sure if it is more so because of a lack of men caring about the relationship or because men aren’t as prone to run to the internet to talk about their “feelings” as much as women. I’m not a man so I really have no clue, but it’s definitely a trend for whatever reason.
I will check out your post in a bit! :) I am sorry for whatever happened with your family, but I think it’s great that you are using it to reach out to others and to share warnings from experience. My step father was an abusive man and so I definitely understand the need for people to speak out against abuse and men not taking their rightful place in the relationship. Thanks for bringing this difficult topic to light!
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