There is so much out there these days about parenting styles, and labels for moms. you can be a “crunchy” mom, or a strict mom. You could take the attatchment parenting method or the “slow parenting” method. Maybe you would be referred to as a “helicopter” parent, or take the nurturant parenting method. . . What I don’t understand is why can’t we just be called moms?
I get that sometimes it is necessary maybe to throw a label out if you agree totally with one method or the other, but a lot of the time I feel like it is just another way for people to force their parenting styles on one another. To guilt mothers into doing things differently than they feel is right.
I would like to be a good mom, but that is pretty much the only label I want or aspire to have. There is so much information out there, it can be so overwhelming, it makes me sad that new moms particularly can easily be made to feel like they are not doing well because they are not following the “rules” for a particular parenting style. And don’t get me started on the “mommy wars” that are every where online right now. that may require another blog post, but for now I will just say I think stinks. Instead of encouraging other mommies and helping them to make informed decisions, often times we just break out into debates over whose parenting style is superior and why “those other moms really don’t love their kids like we love ours” because they do ______ or don’t do _______.
I am very interested in people’s parenting styles. I like observing parents to see what they do and why. I find it intriguing to hear different opinions and views on the mommy issues of today. I just don’t like being told that one was is THE way, and all others are ‘child abuse’ or will stunt your child’s development. There are a few things that are child abuse truly, but sadly not many people talk about stopping those.
It is possible that I dislike the mommy labels so much because I can’t find one that truly describes me. As I said in a previous post, I am taking little things from lots of methods/other mommies that I admire and mixing it all together into my own thing. and I’m very excited about it. I love being a mommy. I love teaching my boy new things. I love talking about mommy stuff. I just don’t like the fighting that often comes with the territory.
The next few posts I am going to share about some of the decisions I have made as mommy and why. Not because I think they are superior decisions, just because it is interesting to read about other people’s views and ideas. And I love sharing about the things I have learned to save money or to help baby out some.
Some of the things I do are very “crunchy”, others are the exact opposite of everything crunchy moms stand for… I’m just taking what I like from everybody and going with it!
The highlights of my parenting decisions so far are:
*Cloth diapering – more for financial reasons than health
*breastfeeding – proudly breast feed my baby, I’m planning to go for 1 year and see what happens after, but I don’t breastfeed in public without a cover. ever.
*No circumcision – I was leaning toward this decision myself, but let my husband make the decision since he “has one” himself… he decided it would be best to “leave it like it comes” and the decision was made!
*co -sleeping – baby boy slept in our bed until he was 4 months old.
*co -sleeping – baby boy slept in our bed until he was 4 months old.
*Vaccinating – After LOTS of research and reading we decided to vaccinate the boy. we do draw the process out a bit though so he does not get a lot of shots at once.
*Sign language – Started signing with the boy when he was 2 months old. LOVE it!
*Cry it out – yes please!
*work – I do work part time outside the home, but am able to take the boy with me.
* baby food – still deciding/working on this one. The boy had his first food (organic bananas) just before he turned 5 months (I know, that’s “early”). Planning to make my own baby food, but still working out the details.
I know there is much more to parenting than all that, but these are the main things I will be writing about soon. Probably one blog per topic, but some may not even require that much room. Comments about what you did/will do and why are welcome, even if it different than what I’m doing. These are the things that we decided are best for our family, but that does not mean they are best for every family.
AnnaC says
Completely agree about the mommy wars. Found myself getting caught up in them for a while, and then I saw the light! lol
It really is crazy though. Believe it or not, there are even fights and hard feelings among homebirth moms- as to who’s hardcore enough or who doesn’t “trust birth” enough. Even having a baby at freaking home is not good enough for some people. lol
Now whenever a new parent asks me for advice, I always tell them that the most important part of being a mom is listening to your instincts and your baby, cause they’ll never lead you wrong! Every baby is different.
And yay for breastfeeding and leaving little man intact! ;)
thelittlefields says
Great post, Paula! Parenting is such a sensitive issue, we all have to learn to step lightly so as not to stomp on each other’s toes. I used to feel like I had to explain all our choices and justify every decision, but finally realized that the biggest reason why so many of us try to appear to have the best methods is because we want to be assured that its true. Whatever works for your family is whats best for you! We ought not ever doubt other parent’s love for their children based on the different choices they make for them. Thankfully–all families are different. That being said, I love to discuss and learn from my mom friends–many times what they do are things I’d never thought of before. We just have to step lightly! :) –Kathy
thelittlefields says
By the way, I’ve always appreciated your ‘stepping lightly’ about mom stuff. I’ve never felt uncomfortable or judged in sharing about what we’re doing even if its not the same as you and Alex. You are very gracious in your speech. :) Also, we havent talked much in a while. Which is a bummer.