I’ve written before about strangers in the store constantly saying “you have your hands full don’t you?” I appealed via blog post to all the random strangers to please choose their words/tone carefully when dealing with a young (often hormonal) mama. It went over pretty well, and honestly because of many of the stories from the comments on that post I ended up being so encouraged, right along with my readers!
What if I had 2 boys, would my family be sub-par?
What if I wasn’t able to have children, or
we decided to only have one child,
what if our second baby had been another boy?
What would they say then?
Are other families less than perfect? My usual response it just to smile, and keep walking, because I know these people don’t mean any harm. I’m not offended by the phrase, it is always posed to me as a compliment, it just strikes me as odd, and I can see how it could be offensive to some.
The thought of an ideal or perfect family still seems a little odd to me, but it did make me think a lot about my own definition of perfection, and in my opinion the perfect family is different for every one, and can even changes through the years! I will use my own family as an example.
January 2009 |
Our life changed, and God blessed us with a sweet baby boy. He was our world and we couldn’t get enough of him. Our “perfect” family changed from a man and a woman in love with each other to a man & woman in love with each other AND their little rambunctious little boy. This was our “perfect” family for those years, we loved it. We didn’t lack anything.
Christmas 2011 |
Most recently our family has grown to become the stereotypical “perfect” family. Mom, Dad, Son & Daughter. We love it. This is our perfect family for right now, but I don’t think it is the standard by which all other families should be judged. This our path, this is the way God has directed our steps. We love our family of four!
summer 2012 |
In the future we may do foster care or we may adopt a child that needs love. And in each scenario, no matter how many children may come in and out of our lives, that will be the perfect family for us at that time.
There is no blueprint for a perfect family, or secret number of perfection. Just lots of love for each other and from God.
Heather Hayes says
I love this, Paula! Thank you for sharing! Definitely an important reminder I need to keep with me at all times.
futurehope says
glad it was encouraging to you heather!
Amanda says
I love your perspective! This is so true! We loved life before kids, now we love being a family of three, and we look forward to growing our family when and if God blesses us that way. Regardless of how many children we end up having and what their genders are, God’s gifts are perfect.
futurehope says
amen! God’s gifts ARE perfect!!!
A Proverbs 31 Wife says
So true! No matter where we are at this point in our family, it’s perfect as long as God is in the center of it!
Bonnie Way says
I totally agree with you. We’re expecting number three right now (after two girls), so lots of people are hoping we have a boy – because, of course, you need a boy after two girls, right? The assumption kinda ignores me. At least I haven’t gotten comments that other friends of mine have gotten when they were expecting their third, such as, “Oh, now you’re done?” Um, that’s between me, my husband, and God.
futurehope says
awwww, i’m sorry you get that reaction. I always find it too personal when people ask if we plan to have more etc. too.
Sarah Kate {Dixie Creek Farm} says
Well, perfect or not, you sure do have a beautiful family!!! ;o) I was a young momma, too! I had my daughter at 18 and then was married at 19. Of course, that was forever ago now. My little princess is now 10! Yikes. Anyhoo…I found you via the Monday Meet Up hop and wanted to say hi!
futurehope says
awww thanks.
that is so neat that you started young too!
hopping over to your page for a visit! :) gosh, I can’t imagine them being 10!!! I can barely wrap my head around my oldest turning two!
la petite lulu says
Yes! Well said. I’ve noticed with friends that have had a boy & girl, that others automatically assume that they are then done having kids – that having one of each gender is what makes a family complete, although that can be far from reality!
Rachel says
You’re right – whatever God gives us is perfect. A lot of people want a girl and boy though. As you say they probably don’t mean any harm but it’s a good reminder to guard your tongue when talking to strangers!
Denise says
Really like this post.
frogdiva.com says
I’m so glad you wrote this, as I often feel like my family is less than because my husband and I are not planning to have children. The perfect family is what makes you happy.
futurehope says
definitely not “less than” :)
glad you are happy with what you have! :D
Misty Leask says
This is beautiful! Thank you for sharing! It isn’t something I had really thought about, but I’ve had it said to me. It definitely could be something that could hurt someone. Another reason we should really think before we speak! We’re neighbors today at Mama’s Story ;) Blessings sis!
Sylvia Phillips says
You make a very good point! To each of us, ours is the perfect family, however as you mentioned a family that has lost a child could be hurt by such a statement.
The Barbers says
Ah, and yet another phrase I hear all of the time that I also despise. Mine began as well after I had my 2nd child. Now completing the 1 Girl, 1 Boy family. I heard it from the nurses in the maternity ward the very day of his birth! “Well, I guess you have the perfect family now.” :( I went on to have another girl (Thank you Lord), and then…. another boy. According to the general public, we still have the “perfect family” 2 girls, 2 boys… I can tell you right now, my family is really less than perfect. Trust me. I think I was yelling at one of the children this morning, at 6:00 when they decided to wake up too early! Ah :) Oh and then later…. when they were fighting so much I thought to myself it might be best to let them kill each other.
Blessings – keep on writing :)
Grace For That
futurehope says
haha I understand that, I don’t feel like we are ‘perfect’ in the sense of having it all together either, I don’t think there is ANY perfect family in that sense. :P
Ugochi says
Our perspectives of life can get a bit distorted if we do not align it with God’s word. God made us all perfect the way we are. Thanks for sharing, visiting from Into The Word Wednesday, have a super blessed day!
Love
Shell says
You don’t know how many people I know who have had a boy and a girl and then stop b/c they have “one of each” so why would they continue? It drives me nuts. I promise, we didn’t have a third child b/c we were trying for a girl. Ugh.
futurehope says
awwww I understand that!
we are planning on stopping now, but not at all because we have “one of each” but for MANY other reasons (none of which include gender) ;)
Lacey_Renea says
After my son was born people were constantly telling us how lucky we were. While it’s true, we are very lucky to have two beautiful children – that isn’t what they meant. What they meant was that we were very lucky to have a boy and a girl one right after the other – instead of having to try more than twice to get one of each.
It always rubbed me the wrong way, but I just smiled and let it roll off my shoulders..
Lacey @ And They Call Me Mommy
Masala Chica says
I absolutely agree that there is no “perfect” family in one way – every family has problems and at the same time, every family is “perfect” however it is formed. Life is not symmetrical like that, the perfect Brady Bunch combo, where the family picture is always balanced out.
Kiran
Beckey says
Beautiful post! The “perfect” family for each of us is the one God has planned for us.
futurehope says
exactly :)
Kate Hall says
We have three children that were all adopted and I can’t think of anything more perfect than that as our family. Nice post! Stopping by from a little r n r weekend link-up.
futurehope says
awwww thats wonderful!!!
joyceandnorm says
Stopping by from Company Girl Coffee
Great post! We have 2 girls and people are always asking us if we want a boy, etc. And I find that people are always asking newlyweds when they will be having a baby. To me, it’s a little personal, like if a woman is trying to conceive but isn’t able to… I know most of it is small talk, but still someone who might be sensitive could be offended. You have a beautiful family. Enjoy them! :)
The Not Quite Military Wife says
Such a beautiful post! Such a great thing for us all to remember. Thanks for linking up for Mommy Moments!
TheNotQuiteMilitaryWife.blogspot.com
Kelly says
I’ve heard so many people say that phrase about the perfect family as well and I too find it odd. I really loved your heart on this post!
Rosilind Jukic says
I read your other blog post – the appeal – and totally agreed with it. People really do feel too much freedom to stick their noses in when it comes to the size of other people’s families. We are one of those “imperfect” families with two boys. SMH – and people keep at us to “try for a girl”. But, we are content with our boys — and our youngest is only 12 months (they started in on us when our youngest was under 6 months – as if that is just not insane!).
Frankly, it’s no one’s business how many children you have – and it really isn’t their business how many of each you have. I do find it very annoying – but try to keep a good attitude and remind myself that they don’t mean to be as annoying as they come across. :)
Thank you for linking up!
Heather Hayes says
I know I already commented on this, but I thought of this yesterday when someone made the comment to me “when you start a family”. I think there was another conversation we had about this subject, but I couldn’t remember where it was. Lol. So, just another “thanks” for your encouraging words!
Ris says
Great post! People have actually said something similar to me since I have a girl and just recently had a boy. They’ve said things like “the perfect family” or “now your family is complete”. I never really thought of it in a negative way because I always wanted one girl and one boy, but I can see how that could be taken the wrong way since we all have different ideas of perfect and every family is different. I recall reading in another blog about a family that had 4 kids and another on the way and people were looking at them in astonishment. Hey, I would never want to have that many children, but if that’s your idea of a great family for you, all the more power to you. It’s really no one’s business (except your own) how many kids you want to have.
Julie Jordan Scott says
I love this post. It is SOO true! I don’t think I have ever uttered the words “perfect” and “family” together. I can’t even imagine it. My little family was always perfect or perfectly imperfect. Oh, by the way – love your blog’s title!
This is my first visit here and I found you via the Recycle Blog Post link up. I am so grateful I found it and reading your story here was VERY refreshing!
Adrienne says
Such wise words, Paula! People don’t realize how much their words could hurt someone. Even though they don’t mean anything by it, people should always think before they speak.
Pamela says
When I had my last daughter everyone lamented that I didn’t have a boy. “Every man needs a son.” We should take care with our words.
A careless word may kindle strife, A cruel word may wreck a life; A timely word may lessen stress, A loving word may heal and bless. ~ Anon
Esther Irish (@LaughWithUsBlog) says
Well, you must be… “strange” because no one has ever told me that in the grocery store. :) But yes I think the having a boy and a girl is everyone’s dream. We had three girls and then a boy so everyone thought it was perfectly normal for us to have four children. When we had the fifth people didn’t know what to think.
Christy Joy says
I totally agree! i hear that all the time. If there’s a perfect family is sure like to meet em. We’re perfectly imperfect which makes us perfect for each other:-) Thanks for linking up!
Christy Joy
#happywivesclub
Christy Joy says
*I’d
Karen says
I am so grateful to hear you perspective because I really struggled with what is “perfect family” – the amount of family members you have or what? But I do agree with you that, whatever circumstance you are in , whether it be no children, one child only, divorce couple just living with their child an so forth, we should be grateful and accept our situation. There is no “ONE” perfect family because every family situation and circumstances are different so its better not to compare yourself with other families. Learn to appreciate and count what you have instead of what you dont have. God puts us in different family situations to help us to grow and love God more.