Do you want to know how to end mommy wars?
You know what I’m talking about, it’s the lady at play group who is always going on and on about her cloth diapers whenever she catches a glimpse of your little one in disposables.
It’s the new mom who lectures for hours about whichever way she chose to feed her infant.
It’s the pregnant mama-to-be who posts ceaseless articles about birth on her Facebook, many of which seem to shame women who chose birthing methods that differ from her own ideas.
Mommy wars happen all around us. The unassuming old woman in the grocery store who tries to correct your crying toddler, or worse, give you a lecture on child rearing in the middle of his tantrum.
It’s the countless blog posts, and latest “research” articles that are used as the weapons mother’s wield against one another, each desperately trying to defend her choices as a parent.
We all want them to end, but sometimes it seems hopeless. Sometimes it feels like we’ll never find the end of the mommy wars with friends, family, neighbors and even strangers.
I’m not expert in mommy-hood but I have noticed something in the last 6 years. Ending mommy-wars is actually a lot easier than you might think… all it takes is a smile, a nod and telling the other mom “you are a great mama“!
Tell her all the things you wish that she was saying to you. Because, chances are this is a weak moment for her. It’s likely she’s had a rough week with her little ones, so she’s trying to convince herself (by telling the world) that she’s got it all figured out. She doesn’t mean to attack you, she just needs to hear those words we all crave “You are a great mom”.
So the next time you are being lectured, smile, nod, validate the other person’s opinion, while you turn around to continue doing what is working for your family.
Try these words on for size: “That’s not what works for our family, but it sounds like you are doing a wonderful job choosing the methods that work best for yours!”
Acknowledging that there are many “right” ways to be a mama and giving a little encouragement can go a long way, from one imperfect mama to another!
How do you handle mommy wars and lectures? Do you engage in an argument or do you call for a cease-fire with validations and smiles? What will you do next time?
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Brie says
This is definitely something I need to hear and so many other moms out there too! To sum up your post “do unto others as you would have them do to you”. Thanks for the post! I catch myself engaging in mommy wars even when I don’t want to. I’m going to use your tips and try to be more intentional about steering clear of sounding judgemental and instead hopefully sound encouraging! (i did notice just now when i ‘practiced’ saying “you are a great mom” to a fellow mom who is forcing her advice, that my words had better come out sincere otherwise it just sounds like I am mocking and sarcastic),