It was charming and adorable at first. We’d share pictures of our tiny newborn with a comparatively huge stuffed animal next to her.
“Best friends” we’d joke, reveling in the adorableness of daughter and pink stuffed hippopotamus.
We had no idea that within just a few short years we’d all become slaves to that monstrous hippo lovey.
Soon, we’d all rue the day we walked down the aisle of Toys R’ Us and thought “oh this would be cute for the new baby”.
What fools we were.
Becoming a parent is funny. Everyone gives you advice, and it all seems either obvious or stupid. They tell you you’ll understand one day, but as you become a more experienced parent yourself, you can do nothing but shake your head at the things people warned you about and wonder why no one told you about the real stuff.
I’m already over the whole “enjoy every minute” thing.
“Sleep while the baby sleeps” was proven ineffective and not at all practical by…oh, night three of my firstborn’s life?
And don’t get me started on the people who looked at a my screaming, tantrum-ing 2 year old and tell you “you’re going to miss this”. Because no, no I don’t miss tantrums thank you very much.
Here’s what they should have told me:
Bottle up that newborn baby smell because it goes away too soon never to return. The way you just sit and smell his head? Yeah, pretty soon that head will smell like dirt and sweat and all things little boy and you’ll send him to the bath pretty quickly after most snuggle times.
They should have told me to chill out, that everybody is just winging it, and those moms who seem like they have it ALL together…spoiler alert: they don’t.
And oh how I wish some one would have mentioned the fact that no matter what you do, very few people will take a moment to say “hey, you’re a great mom”, so to cherish it when it happens, and when it doesn’t to tell yourself. Because you, my friend, are an awesome mom.
But the most important thing NO ONE PREPARED ME FOR was this.
Never, ever let your child have a lovey.
It seems adorable, seeing them get attached to a blankie or stuffed animal. So innocent and sweet.
awww look, it’s it sweet, it’s her same size!
At some point they start making it their own, they’ll always rub a certain spot, or for our daughter, sniff it’s little tail.
So much cuteness.
And yes, as they grow, it’s nice to have something that immediately stops the crying. Every boo-boo fixed with mama’s kiss and a snuggle with mom and lovey bear.
But it quickly takes a turn for the worst.
The stuffed animal starts showing up on family picture day.
But it still gets worse…
Last night, myself and 2 other adults (one of whom is our pastor) searched our entire church building for a lost lovey. We were bound together in a solidarity that only comes from parents who have collectively spent weeks hunting down loveys. And we spent an hour searching a building to try to find her lost hippo.
Hippo was nowhere to be found, so this is an ACTUAL EMAIL my husband wrote and sent to the entire church:
If you or your child inadvertently kidnapped a stuffed animal who answers to
“Jumpy”, please contact me or Paula. He is a small grey hippo (small by
hippo standards; about 8 inches long). Jumpy was last seen at church on the
night of Wednesday 5 October 2016 around 1900 hours and has not been heard
from since.Any information that leads to the recovery of Jumpy may be eligible for
compensation, up to and including a sincere handshake and hearty “thank
you”. And the undying love and gratitude of a four year old.
The struggle is real, y’all.
We did find our beloved Jumpy in the end, but this isn’t the first time I’ve been known to spend over an hour searching the house for the lovey we know hasn’t left the building.
In truth, when I took my kids to Europe, my biggest concern was not losing a child, I was confident they’d be fine. Instead, I stressed that we’d leave the lovey somewhere between Vienna and Houston and I knew none of us could survive that.
Friends, if you’re expecting a baby, know this.
You can do a lot wrong. In fact, no matter what decisions you make, there will be some one telling you you shouldn’t.
Make your own baby food, or don’t.
Cloth diaper or use disposables.
Breastfeed or use formula.
Use this carseat or that one.
All great decisions, think about them, pick what’s best. I can’t tell you what’s right for your family, except in this one simple thing.
Never, under any circumstance, give your child a lovey. You will regret it.
You will regret it.
Terri says
I’ve been there… many, many times!! Thanks for making me laugh today!
Hamilton says
Been there! Ours was a frog! He wasn’t allowed to leave the house because, well you know why. It was amazing how obscure of places he could get to in the house though!
Paula says
haha YES! Our new rule is Jumpy doesn’t leave the house either.
Kim says
Love it. My boy has an Ellie. We in the same boat. Xxx
Stacey says
i relate all too well…
i once drove across the city to our care provider’s house at 1130 at night to get my son’s bear, because heaven help us – i needed the peace of him sleeping while i dealt with newborn twincessadoes. i have spent what feels like months of my life looking for lost loveys – i even hand stitched glow in the dark thread on one of them so i could find it at 4am. why has someone not invented GPS for stuffies?
Sally says
We lost June Bear for a record nine months. The first few were terrible. The bear in question was lost just before moving from Texas to Arizona. We returned to Texas to visit the grandparents. Lo and behold, June Bear was hiding in an upstairs closet. And it was as if she’d never been gone. Previous to this long absence, when she disappeared for short periods of time, we told our daughter that June went to the teddy bear picnic. After this finding, my daughter banned the bear from ever going on picnics again.
fran says
My son is 4 and has never lost his lovey. He loves it and brings it grocery shopping and to doctor visits and everywhere no losing. he will not let it out of his sight long enough to lost it. even as a baby the grip never faltered. maybe i am just lucky. hes never lost any of his toys anywhere. i think he was born responsible lol.
Edna Bert says
Just tell your kid to suck it up and get over it.
Natasha says
Easier said then done.
Christie Davis says
This is so true. I know friends that have experienced this. My son’s lovey is a round flat dog pillow. Early on I read another a mom’s blog about their experience with their frustrating time with a lovey, I decided our lovey had to stay in his bed at all times. My son is 8 years old, and who is still in the bed and is his main pillow, of course Puppy! At least I know where the lovey is at all times!
JEN says
Ah, the advice you weren’t given…you should have talked to the mother of 5. BUY TWO LOVIES. The minute you figure out which item becomes the lovey you buy a second one. Scour the stores, put the grandparents on the eBay-search duty, pay ANY outrageous amount for that discontinued piece of fluff. Because you will need it. You will need to secretly extended it’s ratty disgusting life by swapping it out from the crib during the deep, dark, black of night so you can run it through the washing machine and dryer and put the newly cleaned one back in the depths of your husband’s closet. You will need a spare so that while someone else holds the lovey hostage in the basement of a church or in a closet at Grammy’s house in Texas and you frantically send out emails and search parties, you can gaslight your little darling and say things like “I know you left it at home, let’s go check.” And then pretend to search her room while your husband “finds it” under the couch.
You need the spare so those filthy, deeply worn, love spots where she rubs off the loveys fur take twice as long to show up because you regularly and secretly, steal, wash and swap the old one for the new and you don’t have some foul, smelly, grey, wrinkled, sucked-on, germy, monstrosity in the $400 family photo session. Instead it will still be a pink, semi-squished, but still presentable-enough for the Christmas card, Lambie Baby.
However, if you, for some asinine reason, coupled with a colossal failure to plan (more important than the college account), allow the lovey to be some half-sized, hand-quited, mini blanket that someone bought at a pop-up craft show in a mall 6 months before your baby shower then may God have mercy on your sorry, worthless soul because you will STILL be hearing from your adult child about how it’s somehow your fault that she misplaced it, possibly at a sleepover when she was 9 and didn’t realize it for 6 weeks. And no one will give you any credit for the time you actually drove BACK to New Jersey after you were 7/8 of the way home that year before AND you told that child if she ever took it out of the house again it was ON HER if it got lost. Which you repeated the last time you saw it walk out the door. To. No. Damn. Avail. Teaching “natural consequences” is a horrible thing no parent should be subjected to.
Carina says
This is so true!! I have 2 dogs for girl one (3yrs), 3 rabbits for boy two (2yrs) and 3 lions for boy three (6mths). I love their comfort animals – makes my life easier! Had to laugh at the washing machine and dryer thing… I know too well! Good read!
Kylie says
Sometimes this does not work though. My first nephew is extremely attached to his lovey and after a year they found out his lovey was impossible to be replaced. Couldn’t find a store that sells it. When his little brother was born he also quickly became attached to a lovey and me trying to be the helpful aunt decided to buy a second when I came across it at the store. He had his second lovey by the time he was just a few months old and now years later he still knows and is picky about his “true” lovey. Lol
Lyssa says
Kylie, I totally agree. My 2 youngest boys (8 & 10) both had 2 identical loveys. They NEVER accepted the 2nd one always knowing which was their real “Raffy or Ellie”. The 2nd got names if “Other Raffy” & “Other Ellue” and always got thrown aside. Kids are smart, they know!
Kimmie says
Yes!! My son has a blanket that someone gave him when he was born. When we found out how attached he was, we found them at Target and bought TWO more. We rotate/wash them regularly so they are all equally worn. He doesn’t know the difference :)
Kristin says
We got two matching lovies for our little girl and while she used to use them interchangeably, she recently discovered she actually had two and now she insists on having both with her all the time. We are trying our best not to feed this indulgence, but the struggle is real. I sometimes wonder how she’d do if we never encouraged this lovey attachment in the first place!!
Sharon says
Hahaha love this. Once my son attached to one of the many stuffed toys he was given (a blue and white dog called dog dog) I looked high and low to find a second one as I had heard horror stories of lost teddies. We found one, but it was smaller with a rattle. Usually one suffices, but now we have to have big dog dog and little dog dog! I found another small one on a facebook buy swap amd sell page so grabbed that for Nanas house to save me forgetting it every time he goes there too.
kendra says
I have a lovey that I bought about 5 years ago when I was 20 yrs old during a time when my illness was flaring a lot and depression was an everyday reality. I got him at a Walgreen’s… A cute round plushie bumble bee that I named Barnabee. He’s starting to get really old and dirty, not falling apart yet, but its got me pretty sad. Its just a toy but it honestly helped me through a lot. Yes loveys can be a pain, but they’re also very worth it in my opinion.
Mairead says
Our lovely doesn’t get out of bed unless our little one is going to the doctors.
When she was born I picked a Jellycat bunny because I know they are around years and will be easily replaced god forbid. We also bought the sane bunny in small and medium so if we do happen to loose one there will be another there.
I’m due my second baby in 2 weeks and yet again there will be a jellycat bunny waiting for them in the hospital crib only a different colour and if they are good santa will hopefully bring a bigger bunny to him or her at Christmas.
Ps My daughter kisses the two bunnies before she gets up every morning since she was about 10 months old and has never minded going to bed as she’s so excited to see them ?
Brooke says
I do not agree with this at all!!! It is their comfort, their love, their caring! The lesson here is not to have one….but to have 2! You just need a back up! I love that ‘P’ has joined in on our family photos and family vacations!!! And if you don’t want to lose that small creature they learn to love then make some rules with it! If you don’t want to lose him in the mall then buckle him in the seat to have a nap while the fam does errands!
Try to look at the happiness and wonderful memories they bring to your fam! Not the dreaded ones.
Jessica says
I’m 26 years old expecting my first child and I still have my own lovey. The biggest piece of advice my mom keeps giving me is to buy 2 as soon we figure out that their lovey will be. I have many memories of losing my lovey but he was always my comfort when I needed it.
Zoe says
My son has his Teddy. The poor thing is well-loved, that’s for sure. We don’t allow our son to take Teddy in anywhere except for our house and grandparents. Otherwise, he can ride with us but has to stay in the car. That has always been the rule, so it has never been a problem.
I was terrified the first time I had to throw him in the washing machine though, because Teddy is over 20 years old…and there’s no replacing him. Lol luckily he came out just fine.
Helen says
My niece’s has an identity tag wristband fastened on with their phone number on!
Cynthia C says
Oh , believe me I went through this with a well known popular toy back in 80’s for my daughter. If I remember right ” Fisher Price ” was the merchant. The product was named ” Puffaluff ” and had to be wherever we went. I to went through the misplacing situation and the tears of a child until that “puffaluff” was found. I know , Oh to well.
Vanity says
My bff had one when we were little and it turned into some rough days when she couldn’t find him. We are now in our 30s and the bear is still around. I remember in our teen years driving across states and literally driving back home after 3 hours on the road just to get the bear ?
There were days I would have to defend the bear to mean kids. Wasn’t even my bear but I learned to treat it like family. I vowed then that my kids would never have attachments to material things such as that.
Mrs. Mitchell says
Sorry to burst your bubble but even if you don’t give your child will make their own “lovey” even if no one gives them the toy. They will become attached to it, even if you try to avoid “favorites”. Just forget it.
Janice steele says
Ha ha. We have 9 sea horses. Darn if we forget one when we leave the house.
Amanda says
Both my kids have them. My daughter isn’t allowed to take it out of the house unless gone overnight. Thatbone is irreplaceable. My son’s however is a little different he likes to have his with him. So I went back and purchased all that they had. We rotate them out. If he finds the stash sometimes he has them all at once.
jessica says
mine has a lovey and yes i go through these struggles. but i will never regret it, cuz i remember my lovey and i remember it being there, shit mine is still sitting on my bed like your 15 pillows. I. Will. Never. Regret. It
Myaka says
My mom was constantly switching out our stuffed animals and blankets. If we ever started getting too attached to something she would say it was time to put it up for a while. It worked great! We never got too attached to anything but still had some comfort when we needed it! Also, ourblankets and stuffies never left the house except for vacations or sleepovers.
Yvonne says
When your child attaches to a particular teddy get another as a spare fast…it saves a lot of headaches and you can rotate one in the wash…mum to 4 foster mum to 5 to date
Heather says
My daughter is 3 now and has about 10 rabbits – luckily she is not bothered which one she has as long as it is not furry and she can fluff its ears (rub between her fingers) the rabbit goes everywhere with her. Its her best friend and can often be seen talking to it x
Randi | Confessions of Parenting says
I am so thankful that my children have not attached this hard to having a stuffed animal. They both have one that they like to sleep with but I have never let them take them anywhere.
Jabberbock says
My daughter lost her lovey over a year ago. She’s almost 7. She still cries if we talk about him :(
Ray A. says
Great post. love it..
I also found a unique website that offers personalized portraits for babies and children. If you want a gift for your child or love once. Try them out!
Here’s the link: https://loveandbub.com/
Sara says
Best thing I ever did was give my twins a lovey! They can fall asleep entirely on their own (from 9 months) and they sleep through the night for 11 hours minimum. Whenever they wake up, they hug their lovey and go right back to sleep. They are SO excited to go to bed at naptime and bedtime because they want to be with their lovey. They are taught that lovey stays in the bed (unless they are sick, cranky) so it doesn’t really go anywhere else. You bet I have bought 8 loveys in case of any emergencies! Never travel without 3 loveys especially if they need washing/get dirty or lost. Best thing I ever did! I would recommend it to anyone. My twins are now 20 months old and their lovey saves our lives.